Life can happen to anyone, but when it happens to the extreme elderly, there is something heartbreaking about it.
Most of the Mansion residents have been pulled out of their lives and routines, and it is wrenching to see how frightened and disoriented they are.
Routine and familiarity are so important to them.
The residents who were transported to a different adult care facility – the Danforth in Hoosick Falls, N.Y. – seem the most confused and anxious. They were hoping to get to the Mansion this weekend, but the repairs there will take more time, possibly well into next week.
Some of the residents are staying with their families. Some don’t have any families.
The Homecoming Party we are planning for them on Wednesday might may have to be pushed back a day or so.
Maria and I went to the Mansion tonight – the dining and Great Rooms were untouched by the flooding, and all of the residents still at the Mansion turned out for Bingo.
There were three of them, they were eager to play. They miss their friends and all of the activity. But there was an eerie quiet in the building.
We have gotten very comfortable with one another. We trade phrases that rhyme with the numbers called, they razz me about my voice and calling techniques.
I’ve been canvassing the residents and aides, I think I’m going to go to the Danforth tomorrow with some stuffed animals, a couple of colorful hats and some sugar-free raspberry chocolates.
Also some cards, colorful books about animals and some stationery and stamps. I’ll see what clothes might need to be replaced.
I’ll bring Red too, he is skilled at lifting spirits, or at least comforting and distracting them. The Bingo game was fun, it was a quiet and intimate game, everybody won.
Madeline is struggling to remember that she isn’t yet allowed to go back to her room, she’s sleeping in a room upstairs. I can see the confusion in her face.
I feel for the residents, there is something heartbreaking about life erupting at such a fragile and vulnerable point. Acceptance is one of the ways they come to terms with this point in their loves, and being uprooted in this way arouses their worst fears.
I’m certain they will be back in the Mansion sometime over the next few days, and they are excited to hear about the Homecoming Party we are planning – music and the Chinese takeout food they have been wanting for many months.
The aides are taking their usual great care of the residents, everyone is working to keep them informed, calm and settled. Thanks for your support. It will be put to good use.
(Tiffany, Tia, Red and I visit Sylvie in her temporary home)
The Mansion had to evacuate most of its residents on Tuesday night, they experienced sudden and serious water problems from leaks from the roof and damaged pipes.
Fire and police and state officials swarmed all over the Mansion, and it was decided to get the residents from the main part of the building to other assisted care and nursing facilities quickly.
I don’t know the details, but there was considerable water damage in some parts of the building, crews are scrambling to get the building in shape so that the residents can come home.
The residents were taken out in a rush, mostly at night, they are in Hoosick Falls at the Danforth Adult Care Center. They are confused and frightened.
One wing of the Mansion building was not affected, and a half-dozen residents remained. They asked if I could do a bingo game Friday night, I said yes, Maria and I will be there.
Jean In Her Temporary Home
This was a traumatic event for many of them, they love the Mansion, they are comfortable there, and see it as their home. Their routines and understanding was turned upside down. Many are terrified that they can’t return. I told them they can and will.
Red and I went to the Danforth Center – it’s about 15 miles from the Mansion.
TIffany, a Mansion aide, met us coming in and showed us where all the residents were. The Mansion staff is caring for their residents at the Danforth, that is a great comfort to them, people who are familiar and who love them.
I’ve done therapy work at the Danforth with Red, it is a clean and comfortable and well run place, but the Mansion is unique, there is a warm and loving atmosphere about it that I have not seen elsewhere, the residents miss it very much.
Some are just bewildered.
Whenever I go somewhere else, I appreciate what is special about the Mansion, and why I feel so comfortable there.
I have to say I was deeply affected at how glad the residents were to see me, and to see Red. There were shouts of “Jon Katz is here, Red is here!” and I understood how much it meant to them to see a familiar face. I reassured them that they would return home soon, that this was a temporary move, not a permanent one.
They peppered me with questions, most of which I couldn’t answer, but our presence was clearly reassuring. In this work, there is nothing more important than just showing up. It sometimes seems to them that the rest of the world has forgotten about them.
I was reminded that this is important work, and it matters, never more so than when something like this happens. I saw today how important this work is.
I am asking everyone – staff and residents – what we can do for them. I’m putting a list together.
Sylvie was very much shaken by the move, she even hugged Red, which is against her religious beliefs, and asked me to sit with her, which I did. I’m bringing her pens, paper and stamps tomorrow.
“Jon, I feel so awful,” she said. “I feel sick.” She misses her tote bags, I know her room was damaged, but not how seriously.
I’m bringing her religious literature to her, she left them behind in the rush. One of her fellow church goers had rushed to the Danforth to visit with her.
I think I will need some fund-raising help.
Some of the residents may need some new things, there was some considerable water damage in a number of rooms. I’d also like to cheer them up with sugar-free cookies, some large type books, possibly some new clothes, a few flowers, they might need some new things for their rooms.
All of the residents asked me when they could come home, and if they can come home. All I could tell them was that they will be coming home, perhaps in a few days, perhaps longer. I don’t think anybody really knows yet.
This is a difficult time for frail and elderly people at the edge of life, clinging to safety and routines.
I deliberately didn’t fund raise much during the holidays, we did a lot during December.
I wanted to give people a break, but I’d like to be able to support these people, this is an hour of need for sure. The Mansion fund now has about $300 in it.
I can’t say precisely what I will need, that will be revealed, but I’m going to canvass everybody to see if and how we can support them, including the staff, they are also upset and their lives upended. Perhaps some flowers when the time comes, perhaps some stuffed animals, even some brightly colored hats.
Red and I went to the Mansion this evening, Kelly is on duty with the five or six residents who remain. Diane has left the Mansion and will not be returning, Matt is in the hospital. Ruth and Wayne were in the dining room, holding hands, their roofs were not affected.
Please don’t sent any packages or gifts directly to the Mansion right now, the staff is overwhelmed with the work they need to do to re-settle everyone, and I’m not sure precisely what they will need. Letters will be appreciated, I won’t know the exact names to send letters to for a few days.
Sylvie told me she was praying to Jehovah to get her back home to the Mansion, she is a devout Jehovah’s witness. We prayed together. It was hard for me to see the residents so upset, Red was remarkable, he picked up on the tension and went to work, he is a canine empath.
Tia and Tiffany were quite wonderful, attentive, professional, calming.
I saw brother Peter and Art, they both seemed in shock. So did Alanna and Alice. Jean, they told me, spend the entire day sitting in her darkened room with her baby doll. I sat with her, she seemed lost but never let go of her baby. “At least she’s safe,” she told me.
There’s a lot I don’t know.
When the residents will return, how many, or over what time period. I think they will need some routine and brightening up. Several asked me if we could do some Karaoke singing at the Danforth, but that’s not feasible. I was surprised how many of the residents thought about that.
So I’d like to help out if I can. I don’t need to deal with the large things, the Mansion will take care of that. I want to deal with the small things, the inexpensive things, the small acts of great kindness. Any help would be appreciated..
If you can help, please send your contribution to me, Jon Katz, The Mansion Fund, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816, or via Paypal, [email protected]. You can also contribute by clicking on the button below, “Support The Army Of Good.” Just put “Mansion” somewhere on your checks or messages.
We couldn’t make it to the Friday Bingo game at the Mansion last night, we’d send most of the afternoon at the Karaoke Christmas Sing.
As we were leaving, we heard the chant of “Bingo!, Bingo!, Bingo!,” it was a protest led by the ever mischievous Wayne, demanding we return at 6 p.m. Four or five other residents had joined in.
It was the first Mansion protest anybody could remember. We packed up our Karaoke gear and fled.
The Mansion residents are governed by federal and state privacy laws, especially regarding matters relating to their health.
The staff respects these guidelines, and as a volunteer, so do I I don’t ask any health questions, and nobody offers me any information.
Quite often, I won’t know that someone has died or left the Mansion for days, even weeks. I learned today that one resident is gravely ill with cancer, I had no idea.
So I can’t tell you anything more about Joan than what I was given permission to tell some weeks ago: she broke her hip in a fall. She is recovering.
This was the hardest part of my hospice therapy work and is the hardest part of my Mansion therapy work. People just disappear. A month or so ago, I learned that Joan had fallen and been taken to a nursing home.
I’ve visited her twice, but I can’t really ask the staff about her progress, they either don’t know or can’t say.
I know Mansion officials went there to evaluate her progress, and I know someone else is moving into her room, which is how I first learned that she isn’t returning to the Mansion.
I don’t blame them for this, I’m a volunteer, not a staffer. They need to follow the law. I never take a photo or discuss anyone’s health without asking permission.
I don’t know the details of Joan’s recovery, but it is clear to me now that she is not coming back. She is moving permanently into a nursing home, she needs a higher level of care than the Mansion can provide.
I have grown especially close to two residents of the Mansion. One was Connie, who died about a year ago, and the other was Joan, who suffered severe memory loss was the other.
There was a sweetness and love and joy of life that radiated from Joan, we had great fun together dancing reading special books designed to restore memory. She loved coming to the Bingo games, she had no idea what was happening, but danced for joy when someone sat next to her and marked the numbers and she won.
She never knew my name, but she always recognized me, and she told Maria that “you have a sweet man there, hang onto him.” She always wanted to dance with me.
As her memory deteriorated, she needed more and more care, and I suspected she would have to leave the Mansion one way or another.
Joan had a challenging life. Her daughter was murdered by a boy friend when she was very young and Joan outlived her husband by many years.
Of all my many memories of Joan, I think the sweetest was seeing her looking out the window during a blizzard and telling me how beautiful the gardens were and how sweet the sound of the songbirds. That was Joan, it was always Spring Time.
She never gave up hope , even as her memory failed.
Joan always thought she was getting picked up to go home in the morning, so she packed all of her belongings every night. The room was absolutely bare of anything but a bed and blanket.
The Mansion aides loved “Joanie,” and they cared for her beyond their obligations.
They changed her clothes after accidents, helped her get to bed, get dressed, walk her to the dining room, the activity room, and her bedroom. Joan was always forgetting where she was, and the love and tenderness she was shown was beautiful to see.
They always kept an eye on her, always poised to help her navigate an increasingly confused and clouded world.
She never gave up on going home, and she never stopped loving and laughing. She had no bitterness or cruelty in her, she had no resentment. She loved to paint and write poems, I have one of each on my study wall.
I have learned so much about aging and death and loss at the Mansion, and in my hospice work. I am no longer afraid of those things or surprised by them.
I doubt anyone at the Mansion will mention Joan to me again, this is so much a part of life there, the comings and the goings. There’s no room for drama or nostalgia at the Mansion, the people who live there need everyone’s full attention.
The other day, one of the aides was talking to another, and they were listing the people who had died, gone to nursing homes, or been stricken with chronic or fatal illnesses in 2018.
One stopped the other mid-way. ‘I can’t do this,” she said, “I have to not be sad for the residents today.” Me too.
Lots of people depend on me and Red to bring good cheer and promise to their lives – I’m going to do another reading at the Mansion the morning of New Year’s Day. I work hard at the Mansion, I want everyone there to have my full attention.
For ethical as well as practical reasons, I won’t be mentioning Joan again on the blog. I doubt I will go to see her again. I will put up a photo of her from time to time.
Joan has moved on, into the next chapter in her life, and the people who live around her are blessed to have this Child Of Spring in their midst. I will move on also.
There is really no such thing as what we call “security” for people living on the edge of life. Their lives are in the hands of others, their lives are in the hands of the fates, and their bodies.
I do want to thank the good people out there who wrote Joan so many letters, sent her so many gifts, cheered her on and even came to love her. I spent some beautiful moments reading your letters to her, she would listen attentively and wide-eyed, and then tell me, “I think they must love me, don’t they.”
I think Red is a great animal in many ways, but I am always struck by his professionalism, his ability to use and trust his instincts apart from what I have taught him and encouraged him to do.
On most Bingo nights – Friday is our bingo night – I am the caller, spinning the numbers in a wheel and calling them out one by one for an hour or so. The residents take the game seriously, and focus on it.
At the end of the hour, there is a prize card with prizes for the residents to choose.
During the course of the hour, Red goes and visits with each one of the residents in the room, offering himself for petting or talk or comfort. He spends three-to-five minutes with each person.
He has his own clock, and he decides who and when to visit, and when to move on to the next person. Towards the end of the hours, he has visited everyone at least once, and comes to me and lies down.
If he is in any pain tonight, he is hiding it. He has the most remarkable instincts for this work, and I think this is true of all of the great therapy dogs I have met.
Training and reinforcement is important for these or any other dogs, but tonight, watching Red do his work in so professional and thorough and intuitive a way, I see the power of dogs to heal and ground us.
Professional is the word that keeps coming to my mind. He is appropriate with everyone, he approaches softly, demands nothing, and offers himself in ways that people choose. Above, he is visiting Matt, our reigning Bingo champion.
I am fortunate to have such a dog, and grateful he will be able to do his work, perhaps even for years. One request tonight: one of the Mansion men needs new and wide velcro sneakers, his old ones are falling apart. I’ll trawl some online shoe stores, they will not be available up here.
