My friend Caroline has a different point of view than I do about the political chaos tearing the country apart. I hear and respect it, but I can’t agree with it. Rage doesn’t work for me.
(Above, my new friend Pincus came to say hello and eat some suet).
“What I feel most right now, Jon is mostly RAGE,” she wrote on my blog. “Not on my own behalf. I doubt my life will improve over the next few years, but that is not my main concern. I am enraged that someone so obviously incompetent and horrible in every way could be given the position of leading this country. I blame almost all those who did not vote and those who are too stupid to inform themselves about the truth. Americans have everything, and they have thrown it away. The bullies won, and that will NEVER be all right with me. But I appreciate all you do to keep our spirits up.”
I appreciate the thought but can’t keep anyone’s spirits up for years or months. That’s not my choice to make. I want to give them a safe and spiritual place when frightened, upset, or angry—a place to feel color and a place to feel secure.
There is no fighting on my blog unless I do it, which I do from time to time. I am no saint.
Caroline and I have been discussing this, and this was her latest and typically honest thought about my choosing to turn around from the anger sweeping the country.
“The thing is, I don’t want to feel rage; it isn’t healthy. I’m just afraid of what will happen if we all stop feeling it, you know?”
I told Caroline her comments touched me and reinforced my notion of her as a kind and peaceful soul. We understand one another, and there is no trouble between us.
But I’m more afraid of what happens if we don’t stop feeling it.
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I started the Army of Good in 2016 because I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life in a rage or continuous fear. The Army of Good set me on a good, healthy, and fantastic path.
As someone who has often known rage and anger, I was determined to shed it.
I learned that giving up rage and anger is not a surrender; it’s a challenge. This transformation and spiritual direction led me to make the best move of my life.
I say that selfishly. In my life, anger and rage have done nothing but tear my spirit apart and hurt innocent people. They have accomplished nothing but harming me and blocking acceptance and hope. It’s like chewing poisoned mushrooms.
Would it be better for the world if we stayed angry rather than helping countless refugees, older adults, and now, hungry people?
Or if I stewed and raged rather than started taking my flower photos?
_______
As he has a habit of doing, Donald Trump has once again shaken up everyone’s ideas of politics, decency, and empathy.
I believe he has some good ideas, and I am interested in hearing them, but he throws up such a cloud of bullshit and pettiness and vengeance it’s hard for me to get to them or through them. Sadly for all of us, he is a self-destructive man; being charming only gets one so far.
Once again, he will find a way to discredit his message; his rage can do that for him. I don’t think I have the power or desire to intervene.
My dialogue with Caroline is valuable.
I know she is kind and generous. This experience did shake me up and get me thinking.
This time, I wrote on my blog about my desire to put anger, rage, and judgment aside, as I did the last time, which did a lot of good.
The Army of Good is one of the best things that has happened in my life. The amount of good we have done rather than joining the din is humbling and breathtaking. Maria and I do not choose to be angry, enraged, or fearful; we don’t want our lives to be like that. We don’t want our lives on the farm, our blogs, or our other work to be stained that way.
In my mind, rage is the enemy of creativity. It’s not where I want my head (or my flowers or blog) to be.
The angry and vengeful people have inspired me not to be like them, and no politician will compromise me or turn me to rage, contempt, or fear. It isn’t who I wish to be; I don’t look to outsiders to set my agenda.
I have a lot of friends who voted for Mr. Trump, and they are neither stupid nor bigoted fools. I’m determined to process that thoughtfully rather than succumb to it.
I told Caroline her comments touched me and reinforced my notion of her as a kind and peaceful soul. We understand one another, and there is no trouble between us. She is correct about one thing: rage is unhealthy for me. And I have worked hard to get healthier.
Donald Trump is both distasteful and remarkable; his anger and grievance always stand out, as does his determination. I don’t wish to be him or be like him; I can’t think of a single time that anger or grievance did anything more to me than to seriously damage my life, peace of mind, and creativity.
I know many of his followers and feel pain for them. If they haven’t already, they will soon realize the cost of anger and grievance. It’s a short joy, a bittersweet pill.
Perhaps that makes me one of those mysterious “woke” people, but it also gives me hope, peace of mind, and a passion for doing good for others, something that makes me feel so much better than being in a rage.
The Food Pantry where I am volunteering has never asked the people who come to it seeking help what their politics are or who they voted for. Neither have I. I don’t care; they need help.
In my mind, rage is dehumanizing, and Mr. Trump and many of his followers will have to discover it on their own. It’s a disease in my mind, and it corrodes the spirit.
Rage is a way of disconnecting from millions of people and consciously or unconsciously contributing to the awful divisions in America. How can I talk with someone I hate?
I don’t believe the issues between us are about bigotry or intelligence. I can’t get away with that; neither should the people who consider themselves progressives.
It’s a lot more complicated, and I listen rather than hate, fighting when needed.
I have a right to be happy, and so does Maria. I have a life to live, no matter who is resident, and no Democrat or Republican or Man In the Moon will dictate my life for me.
In my life, I can’t name nearly a single thing that rage or hatred has accomplished for the benefit of humanity.
As I’ve written, pain is inevitable in human life. Rage, like suffering, is a choice. Fear can warn, but it is often just a space to cross.
As a long-time prisoner of rage and grievance, I understand my friend, Caroline; I hope we can continue this conversation.
I hope she will recover her true nature and continue with the sound and kindness she has shown. Her messages tell me she doesn’t care more about rage than I do.
