Bedlam Farm Blog Journal by Jon Katz

16 December

Book Report: Tales Of Two Heroic Women, Two Memoirs To Inspire And Define The Meaning Of Courage

by Jon Katz

What gives some people the courage to risk or sacrifice almost everything for freedom and decency? Two very different memoirs might help explain. Both are about unwavering courage.

I just ordered two books, and each one – two gripping and important memoirs – tells the story of women who risked everything for art, honor, freedom, and what it means to be a patriot.

One is the recollections of former Congresswoman Liz Cheney, whose once glowing political life was shattered by voters, politicians, congressional powers, colleagues, liars, cowards, and traitors.

The other comes from a Jamaican poet. She is living far from Cheney’s world in Jamaica but also calling on the most bottomless reservoirs of courage to escape her persecution for a better life. Cheney is still fighting. Safiya Sinclair got her life back and then some.

The courage of women struck me. We rarely read about it but will see it repeatedly in the coming years. I admit to dreading Cheney’s book – politics is painful in America – I eagerly awaited Sinclair’s; the reviews are irresistible.

Cheney, almost single-handedly in her party, refused to accept Donald Trump’s lies about the 2024 election or slithering out his responsibility for the assaults on the U.S. Capital on that January 6.

Her story – Oath Honor –  is one of a deeply troubled political party caught in the grip of a would-be dictator who seems determined to take our democracy apart by any means necessary. Cheney has devoted her life to exposing this man and stopping him from ever “getting anywhere near the White House again.” She insisted on the truth, which cost her almost everything she desired.

I’m convinced and haven’t even finished the book, even though it makes me angry and troubled. It isn’t Armageddon, but it is severe and sad. Her book leaves no doubt about the truth.

Cheney is an iconic loner hero in the very best tradition of American politics. History will treat her a lot better than her constituents or the Republican Party.

Her book is long, political, depressing, and almost tragic in its detailed and persuasive account of President Trump’s corruption, dishonesty, and betrayal. This is a hero’s story from beginning to end, but we don’t yet know Cheney’s ending. It’s an important book.

Sinclair’s memoir is different. We do know the ending.

I’ve just read parts of the Cheney book, and I will take it slowly; it makes my heart sink and my stomach fall, as does the news. There is plenty of juicy revelation and detail. Still, it is also the chronicle of an American tragedy, how timid and fearful politicians and enthusiastic voters tossed some of our most cherished beliefs and traditions out the window.

Cheney is a classic and iconic American hero, much in the spirit of the founding fathers, many of whom risked their lives, homes, and wealth to fight for a new idea called freedom, something Trump and many of his followers have come to hate and seek to destroy.

The other book I just got is also a memoir – How To Say Babylon – the story of a young Jamaican woman named Safiya Sinclair – now an award-winning American poet –  and her brutal and sometimes frightening struggle with her father, a militant adherent to a strict sect of Rastafari, an outspoken reggae magician in Jamaica who was obsessed with his daughter’s purity.

He believed the corrupting influences of the Western world would lead to what his sect called Babylon. He feared Safiya and her sisters would become corrupt, impure, and immoral.

To keep his daughters pure, he controlled every aspect of their lives, sometimes brutally and violently. The restrictions he put on Safiya were awful and often cruel.

The women in her family were forced to wear clothes that covered their arms and knees, jewelry and makeup were prohibited, and they were forbidden to cut their dreadlocks.

They were allowed no friends. Safiy’s mother, while loyal to her father, slipped her daughters the gift of books, including poetry, to which Safiya latched onto with all of her strength – it transformed her life and gave her strength.

Safira never gave in to her violent and volatile father. Like Cheney, she is a role model for anyone, male or female, living under the thumb of abusive domination.

Women know her story all too well – arrogant, ignorant, and abusive men – devoting their lives to dominating and controlling women. You don’t need to be a Rastafari to know that story; you only have to live in the new America in 2023.

I can’t say Chenyey’s story will have a happy ending, but I believe it will, and we will owe her a great deal.

If her story does end happily, she will be one of the primary reasons why our democracy has been saved.

She has become a fearless lie-buster and patriot. I owe her getting the book and reading it, as painful as it might be. I can’t imagine how she has summoned the strength to face down death threats, rejection, all kinds of abuse, and an ocean of lies and cowards. She is, without question, the stuff heroes are made of. I hope her outcome is a good one.

I can say that Safay’s story has a happy ending. Her life is a victory for the struggle of yet another woman who could not submit to domination, abuse, and unthinking male domination in the name of yet another religion and holiness.

I haven’t finished either book, I’ll get to How To Say Babylon first, I have not b een able to far to put it down. Cheney’s book is big, fat, and hard to take, so I will read it in pieces and chunks. I know the story but am amazed by the details, a reckoning for cowards and liars.

Such honesty and courage are brutal to find in Cheney’s disgraced party. But she has kept the flame of patriotism and justice alive, sometimes single-handedly, and she has my gratitude and admiration. I want her book on my shelves.

The book is for history and will be read and admired for hundreds of years.

Not even Ron DeSantis and his book-banning supporters can get it banned. And there’s Sifiay Sinclair, a hero two.

16 December

Bedlam Farm Journal. Welcome To The Weekend: Pigeon Wars, Visit To A Friends, Macro Succulents, Limpid Light

by Jon Katz

A sunny, warmer day. A massive block of pigeons have returned to our hay loft, and we need to get them out of there in a non-violent way. This is the fall of the animal invasions – rats, mice, pigeons, squirrels. Maria put up strange light reflection tape in the loft; it is supposed to reflect the light in a way that disturbs and frightens pigeons.

We need to get them out of the barn before they breed again, which they do several times yearly. We’ll see if this works.

Animal issues crop up every day on a farm.

Zip got rid of the first round; another larger flock is back. We’ll see if this works. We have to get some materials before our compost upstairs toilet is activated, which should be tonight. This afternoon, we are going upstate a bit to visit a friend.

I want to trade a lens or two for an old, used monochrome camera. I miss mine and want to bring black and white back into the spectrum. Let’s see if I can find one that I can afford. So far, no luck.

Bud in the sun

Reflections, painting by Donna Wyndbrant, longtime partner and friend of George Forss, the great photographer.

 

Windowsill gallery

I love this light and its soft color, like the limpid light of Tuscany.

15 December

Succulents And Plants: A Creative Awakening. Come Along

by Jon Katz

The cold weather drove me inside a bit, and so did the rain and snow. The scores of beautiful succulents and other plants Maria loves and has planted throughout the house finally caught my eye. Plants are beautiful too, and I’m beginning to see that. There is no reason to choose one kind of flower photography or another.

I’m going to try to do well with both.

 

The sun came out early and briefly. It makes the flowers and plants radiant.

15 December

Surviving 2024: Elections Are Now A Trigger, Not A Civic Ritual. Yesterday, I Forget To Mention Going Inside, And Turning Off The Outside When I Wished

by Jon Katz

Yesterday, I wrote about how I plan to survive 2014, a year Queen Elizabeth would probably have called Annus horribilus. Presidential elections are no longer proud and affirming national rituals for us; they are paths full of landmines, hatred, lies, threats,  lawsuits, and bitter divisions, even violence.

They are a test of all of our strengths and perspectives.

They are enduring dramas for us, especially those who don’t live enmeshed in conflict and chaos and don’t want to.

I came to understand in 2016 that elections were becoming triggers – upsetting, divisive and traumatic things that frightened millions of people.

Everywhere I go, people ask me if we will survive another election intact.

Of course, we will, but we will have to work at it and look at ourselves. And be prepared. The thing to fear is fear.

We are a nation that is not able to protect our children from being slaughtered while they sit in classrooms; why would anyone expect our elections to be free of worry and frustration?

Many unpredictable things can and will happen, and our pundits and leaders will not have thought of any of them, nor will our journalists or our own selves.

Our elections have become a kind of malevolent cancer, something to dread, not celebrate. A year from an election is far, far away.

The honest pundits admit that nothing that happens now will be the same by next November.  

If you follow these things, as I once did as a reporter, then you the early winners rarely make it all the way, they have habit of burning out or blowing themselves up,

But our media live on drama and worry, not truth and thoughtfulness.

Things in America are ugly, but they are also usually pretty short-lived. We collectively have the concentration of field mice.

This year will change quickly and often. We’ll see. Anyone who tells you they know what will happen is someone to ignore. This could be a lonely and bumpy year if you don’t hate someone or blame someone else for everything.

I expect to do better than that. You’re outside the tent if you don’t live to prove that Hunter Biden slipped some money to his father.

The world outside will fight about it all year; the billionaires are determined to win it all.

I must admit that I care nothing about Hunter Biden, who seems to have lived a lifetime of confusion and poor judgment.  

He is any parent’s nightmare. I have to live in my own bubble, as I have never met someone the least bit interested in this manufactured drama.

Many real issues have gone untreated.

Reading over the piece today, I realized I left out something essential to our survival.

That is the idea of understanding and softening what the shrinks call “original fear.”

Original fear is the fear ingrained in us even before we can speak.

Many of us think of things that trigger feelings of fear and sorrow. Donald Trump and his associates and extremists and zealots of all stripes and all sides and colors are powerful in their anger, paranoia, and fear.

They live for it and project their pain and suffering to the outside world and to vulnerable and weak people and what has happened to them.

It has little to do with us.

Everyone reading this, including me, has experienced some suffering in our lives and past, and our suffering is something we often think of or are reminded of or need help with.

I’ve suffered from extreme anxiety for much of my life and am relieved and happy to share my hard work, knocking it down and, at times, removing it entirely and replacing it with new and brighter emotions.

It can be done.

Even if I had fear ingrained into my DNA early, I could renew myself by creating a new story for my life.

We can construct alternative triggers that bring hope and happiness, not just fear and resentment.

If I hadn’t learned to do this, to live in the moment and give rebirth to myself and plot my own life, suffering would have haunted me wherever I went.

If I revisit these memories and experiences, I will relive them repeatedly. I got tired of that.

People often write me messages wondering how they will survive in 2024 and what might come after it. I have no idea.

I can’t answer those questions.

I do know that I won’t become a prisoner or creature of Donald Trump, Joe Biden, red or blue, progressive and conservative, new media or old.

One way or another, they are all triggers that awaken frightening and painful experiences.

The political parties are closer to each other than one might think. Just ask any Washington lobbyist. There seem to be few clean hands.

I refuse to become a slave to someone else’s values.

I am no longer the child of original fear, fragile and vulnerable, with no way to defend myself and no one to protect me. I can do it myself.

There is a film, writes Thich Nhat Hanh, an image stored in every consciousness. It shows the suffering of the past.  

Every time my mind goes back to the past, and I see that image or watch that film, I suffer again. The idea of mindfulness reminds me that it is possible to live in the here and now. The past is no longer important to me.

Every time, reliving the past is a slap in the face.

The past is behind me; the future is beyond me. I don’t have to relive that fear again and again. I don’t have to relive it all.

To deal with the awful reality – a Presidential election as a trigger, not an honored and honorable ritual – requires care and consideration. It requires silence; it means going inside, not outside. Who do I wish to be? How do I wish to feel?

It means meditation and contemplation. In the depths of my consciousness, I decided to do good rather than argue about it, and the first answer was the Army of Good, among many other things, that gave me new memories of good, love, and compassion.

This was one of the best decisions of my life, and it changed the trajectory of my emotions.

Over these good years, these new experiences and understanding have softened or pushed out those memories and families and mistakes and slights of the past.

People like Donald Trump do not frighten me; the poor man is such a mess I have little but pity for him and the people he has transfixed. Being inside of his head must be a horror.

He is just not important to me; he is more like the coyotes that howl and bark up on the hills.

I am not a new man, but a better and more manageable one. I love my life, and the riches of it give me something much better to weave into my DNA at any age, even my 70s. I can cut those chains and bring some soft pillows to lie on instead.

The feeling that I am fragile, vulnerable, inadequate, and unable to defend myself, the sense that I will always need someone to be with, will probably always be with me; those feelings will always be there.

It’s so easy to be caught in the past; it’s helpful to remind myself – meditation, silence, safety, focus  – to stay in the present, a safe place because we know and see it.

There is nothing to guess, only to see. And I had to go deeply inside of me to see it.

I have only recently learned that the past doesn’t matter and the future is not knowable. This has changed my life.

Politics in 2024 is a trigger, just like bedwetting when I was young or the lectures and scolding of my father,  and it is important to me to see it that way.  

I know how to deal with it as a physical disorder, not a matter of life or death, not the end of the world, not a threat to a way of life. It didn’t break me then, and it won’t break me now.

That interior incursion has helped me stay grounded, be more human, and find happiness and peace rather than fear and unease.

Being alone in quiet,  going into myself, I find comfort and hope, not trauma and worry. I find happiness and meaning.

Give it a try, I told myself. What I feel is up to me, not any pundit or political party.

That was some of the best advice I ever had.

 

 

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