It’s just below zero at the moment; I thought the day might warrant an extra “Color And Light” post. I hope it keeps you warm, as it does me. Off to Mass MoCA Museum.
A Sunday idea: please support my work if you can.
Maria and I will head out shortly for the huge Mass MoCA Museum in North Madams, Mass., our favorite for now. We’ll be back this afternoon in time for my Color And Light flower photos. In the winter, we get restless to leave the farm and see something beautiful and creative. I love to photograph Maria there; she is small, and the space is enormous. It’s iconic and beautiful.
If you miss me today, you can do me a favor: please consider supporting the blog. It’s bill-paying time of the month for me, and I am reminded that the blog is expensive, and so are the flower photos that I believe are helping me and some other people get through the dark days.
Since I am no longer a big deal book writer, the blog depends on the support of the good people reading it. I appreciate it. The blog is my landing, home, and safe and creative space. I work hard at it every day.
The photography is expensive, as is the blog itself, not to mention feed, wood, and hay. I’m asking to be paid for my work, especially if it is meaningful, amusing, thoughtful, or uplifting. Contributions are voluntary; there are different ways to contribute. The blog is free and will remain free. But to maintain it, I need your help. It is the center of things, it makes a lot of good things possible.
You can donate via Paypal, one time or weekly, [email protected]. You can also contribute via Venmo, Jon Katz@Jon-Katz-13. You can also contribute by check, Jon Katz, Blog Fund, P.O. Box 205, State Route 22, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816. Small donations are as welcome as bigger ones. Bigger ones are welcome, too…:)
I will start paying monthly bills tomorrow. See you later. P.S. Played chess to a draw last night. We are evenly matched.
Below zero, warm weather approaching.
Drawing water, working on the hay twine sculpture.
Fate at rest. Peace.
First thing I see in the morning is sunlight through the window.
Standoff. Fate game glowering and snarling towards Zip, who was on the table. Zip leaned over and swiped at Fate’s nose, and Fate took off and ran to hide behind Maria. Zip can take care of himself.
When I realized that I was suddenly too old to be hired by any of the people who had employed me in my life, it seemed that just as excited it was when I arrived at the “top,” I was just as dramatically dismissed, or so I thought, from being relevant in the world. This happens to many older people if they are not prepared or willful.
Getting old, I notice, can beat the stuffing out of people, or, if you look closely, it can bring them back to life. You don’t really have to die to stop living.
I began to see the world differently when my time came.
Walking in the hills, holding the hand of my wonderful wife and my loyal and loving dogs beside me, I suddenly saw time and life as something to be treasured, to be explored, to be enjoyed, something that could make me happy.
An evening watching the sunset with my lover was suddenly worth all the big paychecks I had gotten for years and all the power and influence I had received.
Other people began to look differently to me. I no longer had rivals or goals beyond my life; my seething ambition melted away, and my jealousy and envy with it. My energy was turning to other things, good and real things.
With that went many of the assumptions and absolutes in my life.
I no longer thought of telling others what to do because I suddenly had no idea what others should do; I was busy working things out for myself the challenge of being older and loving another.
If I’m dogmatic about anything now, it’s having meaning and love in my love, writing my story, taking my photos, being a worthy partner and father, and doing good in every small way I could stumble across.
The older I got, the better I got; I became a better listener, friend, citizen volunteer, and do-gooder. I was coming back to life.
I also see life in a new way. I thought of life for years as an auto race or sporting title competition. I had to run, race, and sweat to stay on top and keep up with all of the other driven men and women who were taught to believe life was all about getting to the top and fending off those who might want to replace me. The power in my life was always in the hands of other people. Suddenly, I was the boss.
I lived a loveless life for many years and in many ways. I learned as I grew older that if I opened myself to love, it would find me. And it did, in the least likely place I ever imagined it would be with a person I barely knew.
Friends? Almost.
Today, I understand that life is about having less but doing more, about re-imagining need.
My life is something to value for its own sake, not pursuing other people’s dreams of success or political power. Those people will break their hearts or have them broken.
It’s about knowing when I have enough and don’t need more. I no longer believe that the tragedy of life is dying, but that so many never get the chance to live, that even just having enough is not enough to live in safety and with comfort for billions of people.
People see me differently now, also. Many people dismiss older people as no longer having much value or things to contribute. But people see me as a person, not a boss, competitor, or threat. I know I’m odd, and I understand I make some people nervous. People like me better than they used to; how odd.
I find that I respect and appreciate myself now; because of that, more and more people respect and appreciate me.
It is lovely to be 76 and still be learning. How can I give up on life? I just got accepted to the best school – life itself.
I’m learning the basic things about life.
Getting older has not taken my life from me. It’s given me my life back.
I’m looking forward to warmer temperatures in a few days, as are most of you. Today was the coldest day yet for us; I’m told tomorrow will be a little better. I ran around all day shopping doing chores, taking photos.
I will finish my P.D. James Book “The Lighthouse” tonight or tomorrow. Adam Dalgleish is my favorite fictional detective, and Vera is beside him. I’ve got some wonderful novels to read; I’ll mention them as I go. Stay Warm and dry; I’ll see you in the morning. I have a whole day set aside for peace.
All I have to do is shut up.
Fate came in from the cold and curled next to the wood stove. Her sleep and rest were beautiful and affirming.
