Bedlam Farm Blog Journal by Jon Katz

9 February

Two Portraits: Strong Women I Like And Love And Respect

by Jon Katz

As I began cracking up about 15 years ago, I met Anne, a bookkeeper and gardener. She was working to restore the very old garden at the first Bedlam Farm, but Anne is shy and never spoke with me. She didn’t miss much, either.

She saw me panicking and floundering and e-mailed me to offer to help.

She was the first friend I made in the country (just before I met Maria), and she remains a precious friend. She has helped me out more times than I could ever count, and she is one of the most interesting and kind-hearted people I’ve met here. She is also, as it turns out, a great cat lover.

She has the biggest heart, although she has one of the best grim looks around. She can chill tea with a glance and freeze one of the big men in trucks with a stare. I used to be afraid of her. I guess I still am.

When I was in a deep sleep lying in a chair, working to recover from open heart surgery,  the door opened, and Anne came in. She never said a word to me about the surgery, but she did lean over and kiss me softly on my forehead. I will never forget that kiss.

Despite the glower, she is one of the nicest and kindest people I have known, up here or down there. She’s perfect for my Portrait program.

 

Alfreda is one of my favorite portraits; her face is full of beauty and character. She started helping with the farm and has become a wonderful friend. She has the most beautiful laugh and is full of love and concern. She says I’m a demanding boss, but she means I’m a pussycat. Alfreda is a person I love; she brightens our lives every time we see her. Of course, she and Maria are good pals.

I realize now that I not only take portraits of people that I like but I am drawn to portraits of strong women, the smartest and toughest people on the planet. You can see their strength in their faces.

9 February

Time For New Glasses: Getting Rid Of The Blue. There’s Nothing To Hide

by Jon Katz

When I was a reporter in Philadelphia and Atlantic City, I often had to interview bosses in the Philadelphia Mob.  They were alway shappy to deny all of the things reportrers and cops accused them of.

The rules were different then; killing reporters was not permitted, and I was often surprised at how easy it was to talk to Mob bigshots; they were almost always kind and cooperative, at least up to a point. It was understood that they would lie. They weren’t dumb. Then we’d have a drink together.

Reporters could be friends with police officers then, and even in a different way, with organized crime leaders.

We were never close pals, but we respected each other, and if we had to nail them, then they understood that we were just doing our job, no hard feelings. This is not the age of good feelings; politicians and mob bosses have decided there is no point in being nice to journalists. But I never liked the look of the blue/dark glasses.  This morning, I stopped at an eyeglass store just outside our town – Olde Saratog Eye Care –  to make an appointment for new glasses this coming Tuesday.

I’m due. I don’t like the look of these glasses. I look like a mobster. trying to hide his face.

I looked in the mirror the other day and thought I saw one of those mob bosses starting back at me with their tinted glasses and sunglasses. Not the look for me; the tinted glasses I wear blind me in direct sunlight, and I can barely see through my camera viewfinder if the sun is directly across.

I saw some brownish/red glasses I like and will hopefully get to order them next Tuesday. I’ll get a photo when I buy them. Maria was with me, and I want to take advantage of having an artist help me choose the new glasses. She liked the two that I tried on, and I like them too. So did Sharon, my very nice and helpful sales person.   No heavy tint. My eyes should be seen.

Sharon was a pleasure to work with, and on the way out, we heard her turn to another salesperson, and say “those two were fun.” That made me happy. It was fun.

She likes the ones we picked out also. Maria gets to decide. I trust her taste more than mine. I’m dumping the mob look, my eyes will just have to deal with the sun. I got tinted lenses because the new LED car lights can be blinding at night. New glasses are like new lenses, they always signal the beginning of a new chapter.

And they even take my insurance.

8 February

Loving Animals. Here Comes The Ticks

by Jon Katz

We went to the food co-op today and got another box of fruit that was too stale or damaged to sell, but it was great for giving a snack to donkeys, sheep, and chickens. I love seeing the smile on Maria’s face when she brings a bag of this food out to the gate and the animals gather.

It brings her great joy.

She then goes over to the Imperious Hens and sits down with them while they eat it out of her hand. It is a task of the heart for her, and watching it lifts my spirits. Animal love is precious love. (Zip doesn’t lower himself to eat that food; he wants the best premium food.)

Every day, when she takes hay out of the barn, Maria works on her new Twine Hay sculpture. I’m eager to see where it’s going.

 

It was a gorgeous day, Spring-like in a way. It will get warmer over the weekend. The ticks will be out.

8 February

When I’m Hurt, Humility Is A Powerful Medicine

by Jon Katz

My father taught me that only men who are “sissies” admit to being sensitive or vulnerable. I admit to being both, although I can also be strong and determined. Men are taught not to appear weak or vulnerable; people will always take advantage of that, or so I am told.

When I am hurt, I strike back, or at least I used to do until I figured out that striking back is pointless and makes me weaker, not stronger.

I often think in a way that makes us angrier and want to retaliate, which never accomplished a single good thing in my life.

Here’s what I do when I am hurt. Take what you want and leave the rest.

(Photo. Feeding animals old apples and vegetables, our co-op gives us boxes of them for our animals.)

First, I back away, and I try to calm myself.

For me, quiet meditation, deep breathing, or going to a silent place works best. I don’t want to live with anger, and once I realize that, it begins to recede. This, I learned recently, touches my compassion and understanding and gives me a peaceful mind.

In a way, I am slowly becoming who I want to be. It just takes work, patience, and faith.

This helps me to see that the other person, the one who hurt me, also suffers, and when I see that, my anger dissipates. Healthy and happy people don’t send angry messages; people who respond in anger are neither wholesome nor happy. It helps me to see them in that way.

When I am thinking, I don’t engage; I go inside. In our digitally connected world, it’s straightforward to hurt if I’m not careful. People get caught in the thorns of anger and revenge. I am learning to be cautious.

In the final analysis, I am the problem, not the angry people who roam the digital landscape. My choice and opportunity is to be better than that.

In my meditation, I ask myself to consider who I am and wish to be. That silences me and humbles me. That’s the work I need to do, fighting back to hurt someone else. It’s working for me more than I expected. Humility is a powerful tool. So is compassion.

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