Search Results for: bingo night at the mansion

This is the second photo I’ve taken with my new three- lenses iPhone camera, and it reminded me that Fall is here, the leaves are just beginning to turn.  I’ve often wished to myself that when I die I might die like a leaf, with beauty and grace and acceptance.

Leaves are born beautiful and die beautifully.

Maria was on the other side of the leaves, the sun shining on her right eye through the leaves.

Dying this beautifully is not likely to happen to me.

Few of us get to die beautifully or in grace.

Today, for the first time in months, I told the Mansion that we couldn’t make it to Bingo tonight. I went over to the Mansion to tell the residents to face to face, I saw their disappointment.

Maria and I have fun at Bingo, we kid one another and bring sacks of stuffed animals and old jewelry from consignment stores. The residents were disappointed, but I told them I was just wiped out, tired from a long and demanding week. Zelda dying, two trips to Albany on Behalf of Bishop Maginn High School.

I brought Ellen a birthday present at the Mansion. She was sleeping in her room, sick and sad. A hard way to spend my birthday, she said. I gave her a National Geographic Book filled with beautiful animal photographs. She’ll love it

I think the Mansion residents understood that I need to get away.  I’m sure they feel that way themselves at times.

We are getting up at dawn, heading to Jean’s Place for breakfast, and then onto the Bronx Zoo.

I know I really need to stop – writing, reading, blogging, taking photos,  worrying about the Mansion and Bishop Maginn High School. I’ve learned the hard way that the danger in this kind of work is burnout.

You have to know when to pull back and stop.

When I feel this kind of weariness, I recognize it and I know I need to go see something else for a day or two. Tigers and elephants and snow leopards might do it for me.

Maria has a similar feeling, she has always wanted to go to the Bronx Zoo with me, we have the best times sitting around and watching the animals, as we did at the Boston Aquarium a few months ago.

We’re meeting my granddaughter Robin at the zoo, but she is not the point of the trip.  I’m afraid I might once again disappoint those exuberant grandparents whose grandchildren are the focal point of their lives.

I’m not one of them, at least not yet.

After a couple of hours, we’ll break off from Robin – perhaps she’ll want a stuffed animal – and go find some animals to stare at and observe.

I am happy to see Robin and to be present for her first trip to the zoo, but we really need to spend some time together alone, and we will.

Tomorrow night, we’re staying in a town along the Hudson River. I’m sorry not to mention the name, but when I’ve done that I’ve found that some generous people can be too helpful, we can take care of ourselves.

I am going to think a lot about humility on our little trip, I think it comes naturally when I pay attention to life. I have come to recognize – honestly – that I am worth little or nothing by myself, but potentially worth very much, because I can hope to be loved by others.

I don’t love myself because I am good, but because I become good when I am loved. Another big idea I was slow to grasp.

See you Sunday.

It was a photographer’s light in the Mansion tonight. I was lucky, I brought my monochrome black and white camera, and a used old Leica 500 mm lens. I love the lens, but I need a special light for it, and I got it tonight.

I handed out a bunch of Fall sweaters and heavier shirts, the chilly nights are not too far away. Bert took one of the sweaters and went to sit in the Great Room, just as the slight from the setting sun touched on her.

Bert and Georgiann are close friends, they trade clothes and cigarettes all the time (smoking is only allowed outside). There is inevitable isolation to the elderly, even when they are surrounded by other people.

It’s as if every experience of aging is special, different. A kind of aloneness sometimes.

Peggie asked me for a Furby for her birthday, it’s on the way.  I’m getting some Leggos for the young children of the aides, I know they don’t have a lot of money for presents and toys, especially the young single mothers.

Ellen had a Bingo Prize, she asked for a stuffed animal instead. Stuffed animals are very important to her. I ordered a bear.

Early this morning, I went over to the Mansion with some flowers for the new Georgina and Bert garden, which is tucked into an enclave by the side of the Mansion, in the shade of a huge maple tree.

It’s a private spot, a special spot, I like to show up at night and these the light from the cigarettes of these two as they go out for their final smoke. Georgina and Bert haven’t seen it yet, we all want it to be a surprise.

Georgina and Bert are two lively and very funny new residents at the Mansion, they have become best pals – they are both unrepentant smokers – and since smoking isn’t allowed in the Mansion, they started hanging out by the side of the Mansion in some old (and ratty) chairs.

Last Friday, the two them romped through the Friday Bingo game – they are seriously competitive Bingo players – and walked away with seven wins, a record. I called them the “Bingo Troublemakers,” and they could not have been happier or laughed harder.

They laugh and talk and plot and scheme all day out there in their Secret Garden, and I thought it would be fun to surprise them.  I pester them to find out what they need, they don’t like asking for things but am getting through.

Talking to them yesterday afternoon, looking at those chairs, seeing them fumble for a place to put their cigarettes, a light went on in my fevered brain. I had to get them a table and new chairs, so I spent the new few hours on an obsessive dash that ended up in Bennington at the Home Depot. I scored there.

I asked the Mansion aides about it – they often sit out in the garden with Georgina and Bert – and they said it was an awesome idea.

I think they deserve a nice friendship garden, a secret garden. It’s a nice spot, and I love seeing them out there, holding court, yakking, laughing, clouds of smoke rising above them.

(Before)

I got two nice black outdoor rattan chairs, and a glass table to sit in between the chairs so they could put drinks (and cigarette packs) down on the table.

A number of people messaged me urging me to get Georgina and Bert cigarettes, saying it was their right to smoke outside and their business.

A part of me agrees, but their families have refused to get them cigarettes, and I need to respect that, it’s not appropriate for me to end-run the Mansion or their families. These two women can speak for themselves.

They are a great addition to the Mansion, and I look forward to getting to know them better and hearing their stories. I also want to support them in any way I can, and that is appropriate.

It is nice to see how excited the Mansion staff and aides are about the new garden. It only cost $144, but it will benefit not only Georgina and Bert but other residents down the line.

When I came this morning, Georgina and Burt were still sleeping, so I set out the flowers (thanks, Maria, for assembling the table) and placed the chairs and left. I’ll be back at 1 p.m. for my weekly story reading to the residents. I suspect I’ll see the Smoking Ladies out there then.

The Secret Garden has a special feel about it, already. Another sweet legacy from the Army Of Good, another small act of great kindness.

This is the Lord’s work, really, and I am privileged to be doing it. Thanks so much for your support.

Georgina and Bert are both new to the Mansion, they are ferocious bingo players and I’ve gotten to know them at our Friday night Bingo Matches. Last week, the two won seven games between them in an hour.

When they first met, says Georgina, they became “cigarette” friends, they both outside, found two beat up old chairs and sat outside smoking for hours.  Smoking is not allowed inside the Mansion, but they are adults, they can smoke outside of they wanted. They became fast friends.

Georgiana (with Bert’s connivance) is always trying to get people to buy her cigarettes. Nobody will, including me. I’m also glad they can’t get their hands on any vodka.

Georgina needed a lot of things when she came, Bert doesn’t like to ask for anything. They are both funny and quick and witty. I call them the “Bingo Troublemakers,” and they love the name, they are both drawn to the idea of being outlaws of a sort, the Mansion’s own Thelma and Louise.

They are almost always together.

I visit them whenever I am at the Mansion, they love Fate and she returns the favor. Today, I asked them if there was anything they needed, and I left with a list of perfume, baby powder, Polident cleansing tablets, and mouthwash.

I never thought Georgina was quiet or shy but I did think Bert was. Wrong on both counts. These are two hell-raisers.

They bonded instantly with Fate, who had another stellar day at the Mansion yesterday and who knows something about raising Hell.

Like most of the woman in the Mansion, they won’t ask me for underwear or personal clothes, it’s too embarrassing. The aides will tell me if they need something. Georgina has she is looking for man, she even flirted with a neighbor across the street who came over to say hello.

They have made this little corner of the Mansion their hang out, other residents and aides stop by to visit, and you can hear the laughter and stories and raised voices all over the grounds.

I don’t know how much they spoke, but I’m glad their families won’t buy them any cigarettes. Still, they seem to have plenty to smoke.

They’ve made this space their own, it has deepened their friendship and lit up the Mansion. Their “garden” had one or two broken plastic chairs and no table, I sometimes saw a resident smoking there. Mostly, it was not used.

I went to Walgreen’s to get the things they need (I always ask the residents what they need), and on the way, it hit me how wonderful it would be to give them a meeting place they deserve. Maybe a table to put glasses on and nicer and more comfortable chairs.

I think these two will be out there all year round, yakking and puffing away. It seems like a beautiful friendship to me, Bert also has a wicked sense of humor, it’s drier than Georgina’s.

I stopped at one used furniture store but found nothing. I had to keep going, I drove to Bennington to Home Depot. There, by the door, I found two black rattan chairs and a glass-top table to go between the chairs. I brought it home and Maria assembled the table in minutes. It all cost $144.

It’s hard for me to comprehend all of the things Maria knows how to do.

Before it got dark, we brought it over to the Mansion, threw way the ratty chairs, set up the table and the new chairs.

I asked Tia and Kelly, the night aides, to come out and check it out and they loved the new garden, and the table and chairs. They suggested we surprise Georgina and Bert in the morning when they come out, as they always do, after breakfast, to talk and smoke.

Tomorrow morning, Maria and I will pick some flowers from our garden and bring them over and put them on the table. I can’t wait to take that photo.

I had so much fun doing this, and I can’t wait to see them sitting out there. I can’t say how good it feels to do this. This is the kind of things we do, enhancing lives, small acts of great kindness.

As always, I am grateful for your support and participation. You sold out the Bishop Maginn High School Wish List again, and you made it possible for me to buy this table and chairs for these two great women. (They both are eager for letters, you can write Bert or Georgina at The Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.)

If you wish to support this work, please send a contribution to me via Paypal, [email protected] or by check, Jon Katz, Mansion Fund, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816. Small donations in any amount are much appreciated.

Because the Mansion is a Medicaid residence, not a hospital or nursing home, state and federal laws prohibit hospice or for drugs to be administered by the aides.

Unlike many private facilities for the elderly, there is no special room or floor where people can die, when the residents get sick enough, they are taken to nursing homes or hospitals, that is where they die.

This reality – the Mansion would love to keep its residents for the rest of their lives – shapes time and meaning at the Mansion, in a sense, everyone is transient, everyone will leave and go to some strange place to die.

The system makes no sense to me, I haven’t met a resident yet who didn’t wish to spend the rest of their time at the Mansion.

I heard the residents talk about one other resident who was sick but refused to see a doctor or seek any kind of treatment. She wanted to die in her bed at the Mansion, and she did. She never spoke of her illness or admitted having it, or took any pain or other medicine for it, so goes the story.

I can’t say if it is true or not.

Birthdays are always celebrated at the Mansion, but I rarely hear the residents speak of them. Alice had visitors and birthday party at the Mansion today, she had a birthday balloon tied to her walker.

I’m not sure the residents would vote to celebrate birthdays if they could.

The balloon bobbed back and forth in the breeze, bouncing lightly from the walker to the door. I think Alice loved this spot.

I invited her to play Bingo but she was too tired, the aides helped her to sit by the open door and catch the gentle breeze. I sat with her for a few minutes, but she was too tired to talk for long, I left her to sleep. Before she nodded off, I asked her how old she was, and she just shook her head.

She did ask me if my dog was coming.

Not tonight, I said.