Bedlam Farm Blog Journal by Jon Katz

Fresh from the fertile and fiercely independent mind of Maria, the new Vulva Pillow, sketched on an old hanky and hand-stitched. It is on sale now for $85 on Etsy. The Vulva series began with the Vulva potholders and is evolving into notecards and stickers.

A small but vocal number of people – women, mostly, to my surprise, were offended by Maria’s artistic representation of the vulva, which is not the same thing as the vagina. Some thought it was “repulsive”, some used the word “disgusting,” and some thought it was just plain old “offensive.”

It is true that outrage and criticism are louder than praise, and Maria found there is a large and admiring audience for her Vulva work, and also that a number of women wrote her to say they would love Vulva art but were somewhat afraid to buy some. She has sold a lot of Vulva art.

I would buy this pillow in a second for our living room, but I am banned from buying her art. She thinks it isn’t fair, that it should go out into the world.

If the Fuddy Duddies, as I call them,  thought their grumbling would stop my wife, they must live in those states that sell marijuana legally.

Maria loves the idea of the vulva, and sees it – accurately, from my reading – as a powerful symbol of feminism and of the need for women to stop hating their bodies, or permit men to make them hate their bodies.

As a man, I was quite shocked by some of the vitriolic, even hateful messages I got about putting the Vulva potholders up on my blog, although many people were thoughtful and civil in their objections or discomfort, I should say in fairness.

People said it would be deeply offensive to them if Maria made Penis Potholders (sorry, she has and sold them all) or if any artist used the male penis in their art. I guess they have not ever been to Florence to see Michelangelo’s David, penis and all, or visited any great museum in the world, or the Vatican Art Collection, which has penises and vaginas galore.

I think the Fuddie-Duddies might want to check out George O’Keefe’s beloved and much praised vagina and vulva art – I’m not aware of anyone calling it  disgusting or repulsive.

For thousands of years, artists have created representations of the male and female human body, it is only recently that people thought it disgusting or offensive. Personally, I find the vulva quite beautiful and powerful, and I am quite proud of my wife for seeking to capture the Vulva as a symbol of the lost but now growing power of women.

Art like this is not created to offend or titillate, there is nothing pornographic, or even specific about it. If you look at the news, it is clear that something very powerful is happening to women in our world. There is no shame in a vulva.

And there is nothing disgusting to me about this pillow.  I believe the person who buys it will be fortunate to have so interesting and thoughtful and striking a piece of art. Down with Old Fartism in all of its many ingrained forms.

And down with the shaming of women and their bodies, or men either, for that matter.

The Vulva Pillow is going up on Maria’s Etsy Page even as I speak. I doubt it will stay there for long. Good work, wonderful woman, your art lives in your heart and spirit and sails out into the world like our better angels.

In our time, I think the great spiritual challenge is learning how to stay grounded and not be sucked into the whirlwind of anger, hatred and argument that has come to define our time. I deal with it by avoiding the argument and using good – small acts of great kindness – to keep me focused on what is meaningful and important in life.

My friends Shirley and Fred Foster sent me a book on one of my favorite subjects, the Kabbalah, the mystical school of writing and thought written by unknown Jewish mystics and scholars.

Nobody knows who wrote the varied texts of the Kabbalah, but I have always been drawn to its beautiful, even sexual notions of religion, feminism, the environment and a deep kind of spirituality.

There is almost no part of the Old or New Testaments that don’t bother me at times and turn me away, but there is no part of the Kabbalah that makes me uncomfortable or leaves me uninspired or enlightened.

In the Kabbalah, God is a kind of unapologetic Pope Francis, he cautions people to love Mother Earth, and Shekinah, his divine feminine colleague, streaks across the sky in her chariot, scolding God for leaving humans imperfect and unfinished, and sending her cherubs to sting the cheeks of people who fail to love and honor the earth and the environment.

In this religious text, sex is great and should be celebrated, donkeys are wise, rabbis and priests are foolish,  and we all are given the creative spark, and humans are hopelessly flawed. About the only thing the God of the Kabbalah cannot forgive is the failure of people to use the spark they were given.

It is astonishing to read religious texts that are so beautiful and mystical.

Shirley and Fred recently sent me a fascinating book called The 72 Names Of God: Technology for the Soul, by Kabbalah Scholar Yehuda Berg.

Like most things related to Kabbalah, it is complex and difficult reading. Also rewarding and exciting, the people who wrote the Kabbalah were wonderful  writers and creative thinkers, free of the clunky and ponderous dogma that marked so many early Jewish and Christian theology.

Our national identity is no longer  focused on spirituality, but on division and conflict. It is almost impossible to escape it, our only real choice is to succumb to it or to learn how to defuse it and live in peace.

Argument accomplishes nothing in my view of the world, perhaps the right and the left will simply end up devouring one another, maybe that is God’s solution to the intractable failings of human beings.

That might be a good solution for many people, but I don’t wish to be a part of it. I don’t wake up in the morning thinking about what Donald Trump is doing, I wake up thinking about how I can contribute to life in a positive and meaningful way.

He will answer to his God, I will answer to mine.

In Technology For The Soul, Berg writes that according to Kabbalah, we all have a spiritual field of energy that extends a little more than seven feet from our bodies. Although we can’t see this field with the naked eye, it’s as real as the invisible atoms in the air, and as undeniable and influential as the unseen force of gravity.”

Whenever this field is charged  with negative or stressful energy, we find ourselves in a lower state of being, often suffering from sadness, stress, depression, hostility, fear and uncertainty. Or we are just plain unhappy.

“Unpleasant places and gloomy people influence our lives when we come into close contact with them, Berg writes.”

This culture of argument and hatred is a violation of our personal space, suggests the Kabbalah, it disturbs energy in a way that is harmful and unhealthy to us and our well-being.

The Kabbalah, I should say, was written before smartphones and CNN and Fox News and social media, it was easier for them to withdrawn into their field of positive energy than it is for me or you. Our spiritual challenges are so much greater.

But they do have so much wisdom to offer us, and we don’t get much from the seers and pundits who get to go on television and scream at one another.

For me, this is remarkable thing about the Kabbalah, every time I read it I say yes, yes, this was written for me, this is what I feel and believe, this is  a faith I can enthusiastically embrace.

Berg suggests a meditation to counter this negative energy and stress, and I will write it here and also record in audio below.

“Purifying light banishes unseen ominous forces and deactivates harmful influences lurking nearby, including those that dwell inside of you. Stress dissolves, pressure is released. Balance and positive energy permeate your environment.”

Audio: I like this meditation, and read it below on the audio app.

Of all the forms of photography I try to practice, I think portraiture is my favorite. There is a powerful challenge to the idea of trying to capture someone’s soul in a photograph. I know some people whose portrait I am just on fire to take – Kelly, Ed and Carol Gulley, and now, our friend Susan Popper, a new resident of our special little town.

And then, I know many people I would not dream of doing a portrait of. I often wonder what the quality is that draws me to a portrait.

What goes into a portrait? A portrait lens  helps, my favorite is the Canon 85 mm, it  has a special quality of light and detail and warmth to it. It is big heavy lens and it rarely fails me.

I have known Susan for awhile and I wonder why I am drawn to taking her portrait. As I learn to know and understand Susan, I am beginning to understand what makes a good portrait.

First, I have to like the subject. I can’t really take decent portraits of people I don’t know or care about. There is an intimacy between the portrait taker and the subject, each reacts to the other, and I like Susan, and she likes and trusts me, or at least is beginning to.

That really matters. If I like the subject, the subject likes and trusts me,  I usually get a portrait that works for me.

Susan is happy right now, she is coming out of an awful period, and I wanted to catch her happiness. But how do you do that? People are so stiff when a camera is pointed at them. She has a radiant spirit, and any portrait that doesn’t capture that is a failure.

There are other issues. Susan has written about obesity and struggled with it for much of her life, and I worried that she would be sensitive to the way I took her portrait. But Susan has a quality that often makes for a good portrait – she is a strong woman, she is proud of her self and basically says to the photographer, “go head, do your thing.”

She does not much care how she looks or how her body is presented, it is her body and her life, and there it is. That is unusual, something the photographer picks right up on. With Susan, I am free to take the photo I want.

I learned a lot about strong woman when I started taking photos of Kelly Nolan at the Bog, she had that same way of looking into the camera without a need for prepping or primping. She liked herself just the way she was. I like to take pictures of strong women.

Maria is a strong woman, every portrait of hers is a study in character and vulnerability. She never really likes to be photographed, but she doesn’t mind being photographed well.

Susan sometimes projects a grumpy and aloof demeanor, it was how she protected herself from abuse and cruelty for many years. But the truth is, she is loving and sweet and inherently social. The mask was just that, a veneer.

How to show this. It’s very easy to get Susan to smile, she has a quick and ready sense of humor. So I told an off color joke or two, or said something mildly surprising and off color. I knew that would get a laugh out of her, and it did.

Then, there was her strange little dog Sally, a tiny, shy and odd dog she loves dearly, Sally was her companion while Susan hid from the world, they are quite attached to one another. I’ve never seen Susan hold Sally, and I suggested she pick her up, I knew it would bring out the loving soul close to the surface.

She lit up just holding Sally.

And then I asked her to stand beneath one of her photographs, she is a creative, emerging as a very gifted photographer, she just opened an Etsy shop for her photography, she calls it Susan Unframed (I would have called it Susan Resurrected).

So I added three elements to the portrait taking, none of them evident to anyone in the room but me, and perhaps, Susan. One, the joke,  two the dog, three the photo above her head. In a way she was standing up for herself, her photographer, her creativity. And then I had the right lens, it helped me in a dark room.

And in a sense, what makes a good portrait is the same thing that makes a good friend – time, love and trust.

I also put her by the staircase, which added lines and dimension to the picture. You do have to think about portraits, they give back just what they are given.

I think Susan will be a regular subject for me in the new life she is building. I like strong women, she has a great back story, it is exciting to see her true self emerge.

This is why I love portraits I think, you have to think about them, and like what you are seeing through the viewfinder.

When I was a young reporter, I was assigned to follow the Rev. Billy Graham around on one of his great revival meetings. I didn’t relate to the Rev. Graham all that much and was not religious in the way he was.

But as I rode around with him on a couple of plane flights and some busses and interviewed him and got to know him, I came to like him. He was an authentic man, he loved his God and wanted to do good. He was a healer, unlike so many of the politicians who hide behind the mask of God in our world.

The Rev. Graham said a number of things that have always stuck with me: Never speak poorly of your life, never complain about taxes or the prices of things.

And the last advice he gave me. As you progress in years and experience, pause every now and then to ask yourself if you are contributing to life.

An interesting idea. Until fairly recently, I rarely did that or even knew what it meant.

Some people dream of great things when they think about what they want in life, changing society, eliminating disease or poverty. Some are happy to have a family, write a book, invent a new machine, build a house or cabin in the woods.

I think so much of my happiness or sadness or fulfillment as I begin to be old depends on my own sense of whether or not I have or am now contributing something to life. I get what the Rev. Graham was saying, it was hard to see it when I was young and full of time.

Some religions – Christianity in particular – call upon the faithful to do something good for someone; to give advice,  comfort or solace to the poor or needy or vulnerable. It seems that most Christians no longer heed that call.

I’ve taken my own path, I’ve chosen to contribute the small things to life.

Sneakers for someone with bad shoes, underwear for someone whose clothes are soiled and dirty, a fan for someone who is sweltering, a deposit for a clean apartment, groceries for the hungry, a radio for someone whose brain can only be calmed by music, paint brushes for someone who wants to paint, clothes for someone going to high school.

There is a simplicity to this, and some selfishness. If I think small, I can easily be successful, it is harder to fail if my expectations are low.

If i am low in ambition, it’s hard to miss my own target. I don’t seek to save lives, but to ease pain and discomfort.

Each small act of kindness eases my self-doubt and low-heartedness. It builds the self-esteem Bill Graham was talking about. It’s important for me that my actions come not as an expression of fear, but as a reflection of my inner freedom.

Everything I do out of fear is spoiled, tainted. It is the devil in me. I have never accomplished one worthwhile thing out of fear.

It’s so easy for me to become a prisoner of my own delusions, it has happened to me so many times. I’ve learned not to judge myself by results, but by honest intentions. If I only have successes, then I become my own successes.

So now, I think I am beginning to contribute to life. I have stopped selling my identity to the judges of the world, I am keeping it for myself.

Julie, the Mansion Activities Director, asked me about a new idea she had, which I loved, and I hope you do also.  It’s best told in her words, Julie is a tireless advocate for the Mansion residents and never runs out of ideas for them.

“I just had a thought,” she wrote, “it would be great fun for the residents if you asked people from the blog to send a little note with information about the town or area they live in. I thought I would start a new activity where we would add their town on a map of the United States and talk about it.”

It was a good thought Julie, perfect for us and perhaps for you.

The residents love to get information like this from around the country, and learn about other people and places, it greatly eases their isolation and feeds their curiosity and connection to the exterior world.

I think the hardest thing for the residents is the feeling that no one cares about them any longer, and your messages are exciting to them and meaningful. If you like this idea just write a paragraph or two about your town.

Words will do fine, if you have a photo of someplace in your town, I’m sure they would like to see it, but it isn’t necessary. Just share some thoughts and feelings about your town, why it is special to you and what it is like to live there. Two or three paragraphs would be great.

You can send your messages about your town to Julie, c/o The Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816. My blog has readers all over the country, it’s a good idea. I’d love to see your towns up on a bulletin board in the Mansion hallway.

And it costs no more than a postage stamp. The residents love to get letters, but you can also e-mail Julie the brief story of your town and she can print them out. Her e-mail is [email protected].

Again, the letters are fun for the residents to see, but the e-mails will be fine as well. I’d love to see us cover as many states and places as possible, the Army Of Good is in every state I know of except Alaska, and we might be there also.

The Army Of Good is everywhere.

P.S. I never like asking for money, but I almost always need to. The Mansion/Refugee Fund is low, down to $600, we did a lot of very important and unusually expensive things last month. This week, I’ve ordered a fireplace insert for the Mansion, a small CD player for Joan to help her stay calm and peaceful.

I want to get a Karaoke machine for the residents, they love to sing, and it is so good for them. I also need to buy some warm sweatpants and sweaters for the residents as winter approaches.

The soccer team has two birthdays coming  up and Ali and I always try to sponsor a birthday party with a present for each one, their birthdays often go unmarked. I need to pay insurance for the big Red van and help Ali with gas. We also paid $6,000 for Sakler Moo’s tuition at a private school in Albany.

That put a hole in things.

And we will be needing some new soccer equipment and money to pay for indoor soccer practice. I don’t like th fund to get lower than $2,000, I don’t believe in stockpiling money, I don’t want it sitting there, I send it out as quickly as it comes in.

I think continuing this work is critical, especially at this important juncture for our country. And the Mansion residents are in need of things, usually small and not expensive. But they still cost money.

If you can help, please send your contribution to Jon Katz, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816 or via Paypal, [email protected]. Please mark the payments to the “Mansion,” or “Soccer Team,” they will get where they are supposed to go. You can also support the blog by subscribing or sending a donation to “blog.”

Thanks very much, I’m meeting Ali at our “office” tomorrow, we need to support a couple of birthday parties and perhaps some more cleats.  I will soon need $500 for new Bedlam  Farm Warrior uniforms. Thanks so much.

Being a sponsor is interesting and complex. I mean to keep doing good in the world, and it is not possible without you.

And I hope you are interested in Julie’s idea for the Mansion residents. It’s a good one.