Kathy Wilhelm of The Ashton-Drake Galleries in Illinois sent me a Kayla Comfort Doll yesterday to give to a Mansion resident. She is a reader of the blog and has been following the Mansion stories.
This morning, I met with the Mansion staff to talk about who might benefit from this doll, which is almost shockingly realistic in look and feel and touch.
Kayla is an Ashton-Drake Alzheimer’s Dementia Comfort Doll, designed to help fill the achingly lonely holes in the emotional lives of people with memory loss. The doll sells for $119.99. Kathy donated this doll, no charge.
We all settled on Jean, a sweet, passionate animal lover and nurturer.
She used to vacuum the Mansion carpets every day because she loves caring for people. A stuffed dog sleeps every night in a dog bed alongside Jean’s bed.
They brought Jean the doll when she woke up, and when I got to the Mansion, I found her sitting with her Kayla doll in the hallway.
I have never seen Jean so happy. She was holding Kayla inside of her sweatshirt to keep her warm, and then she pulled her out to kiss her. She couldn’t stop smiling. She was so grateful to have this baby to hold and touch and love.
It was a stirring thing to see, and it erased any doubts that I might have had about the impact of these dolls on patients with memory loss. “Are you the one that did this?,” she asked. I said I brought the doll over but i told her where it came from. I don’t think that registered.
She took my hand and kissed it, “thank you for bringing her to me.” Memory is a complex thing, and I am not certain how it works int the case of a comfort doll. To me, it sees clearly to bring some people respite from loneliness, the satisfaction of having a task, something to focus on, and a way of recovering feelings, if not the memories themselves.
Red and I saw on a soft next to Jean for 20 minutes or so, and the smile never left her face. I asked if she wanted to keep Kayla’s name, and she said she would rather come up with a name herself.
I asked if she needed help, and she shrugged, and said she did. I suggested asking the readers of the blog, the Army Of Good, if they wanted to suggest names, and she nodded yes. We thought of two ways, one is to write Jean c/o The Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.
The other is to write me c/o my P.O. Box, Jon Katz, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.
We’ll collect all of the suggestions after a few days and sit down with Jean and come up with a name. I can tell you from the heart that this was a great gift for Jean, and thanks to Kathy Wilhelm.
She offered to send a diaper kit, and that seems like a great idea to me. I think Ruth might also benefit from a comfort doll, especially now.
I know she is alone without her “hubby” Ken, who died last week.
I had a meaningful day at the Mansion. First, Ken’s memorial service, then I brought a laptop from a reader named Kathy to Peggie, then I saw the CD Player we bought for Joan installed in her room, then I brought Matt his new sweatshirt so he can walk outside in the chilly weather, and I also looked down and saw the new sneakers we got for Jean, her old shoes were painfully tight.
And I saw Jerry wearing the new walking shoes we got her, the old ones were falling apart. I’ve got photos of some of these things, it was a special day for me there. Thanks so much for your support of this work.
It is one of the sweetest feelings in the world to bring one of the Mansion residents something they need and want. Peggie has been desperately wanting a laptop for months, since her very old one burned out.
I put out a call to the Army Of Good, and it didn’t take long for Kathy to send me her barely-used PC, I ran into Peggie this morning in the Mansion.
She gave me the biggest hug, she was full of joy and eager to get back to her computer games. Thanks Kathy, you truly brightened this person’s life. Small acts of great kindness. It matters.
You can write Peggie c/o The Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.
It feels very good to do good. I’m going to check on her this afternoon.
I got this message from Lacey yesterday on Facebook:
“Best of luck with Bud. I find it difficult to believe, however, that you fell for retail rescue – the Jon Katz I used to read years ago would have smelled a rat. As it stands, I don’t expect you to give up this poor dog (and who cares what I expect, I know, I know) but I urge you to at least educate yourself – as an author and writer on these topics you look foolish and behind the times, and you must know that with all the readers you have, there are some who will give your opinion and actions weight. You haven’t come across the hashtag #retailrescue? Excerpt from the following NPR article: “Now, a network of shelters and rescue groups transports tens of thousands of dogs each year from other states and other countries.
Patti Strand, director of the National Animal Interest Alliance, an organization that represents the American Kennel Club and dog breeders, calls it “retail rescue.”
“There is a lot of money in this new kind of rescue that has emerged,” she says. “These groups move dogs from just about any place that they can get them.”
The Internet is a remarkable place, it is transforming so much of our lives in good and also troubling ways.
Many of you know by now how much I love being called stupid by people who act stupidly. Getting Bud, a wonderful dog I love, puts me behind the times? Really?
There is nothing we all agree on any longer in America except for our love of dogs, and people like Lacey are working hard to polarize even that. I do smell a rat, but it isn’t Bud.
On Monday, I’m assaulted for being too tough on the rescue movement. Just wait a day, and on Tuesday, the breeder movement is after me for being naive and dumb. This is what it means to think out loud in America in 2018.
Carol Johnson, a dedicated volunteer belonging to Friends Of Homeless Animals, the very admirable group that rescued Bud, took understandable offense to the suggestion that she and her group were saving and selling Bud to make money. Carol deserves the thanks of everyone who loves animals, not the sniping of self-appointed Internet jurists.
Bud’s Bill
Yesterday, Carol sent me a detailed bill for Bud’s health care and recovery from heartworm and other ailments.
Bud was in hideous shape when FOHA bought him from a man who should not be allowed to have dogs. Bud had been left outside in a metal enclosure for months with no roof or shelter. His companion, a Pug he loved to play with, died of heat stroke. Bud lived, but just barely.
So let’s talk about the cost of Bud.
FOHA asks for a standard donation of $200 when one applies to adopt a dog. They pay to transport the dog, and a portion of the medical bills are added to the donation to determine the cost of the dog. In Bud’s case, the final cost was $899. To be sure, that’s a lot of money to pay for a rescue dog.
I spent $800 to buy Gus, he was on the low-end of the Boston Terrier AKC breeder dogs cost. Most charged between $2,000 and $3,000. I am aware that people who refuse to spend much money on a dog will spend thousands of dollars to rescue a dog, first to do something good, and very often, to do something that makes them look and feel good.
it’s not a simple equation.
But here’s the breakdown of the cost of Red.
FOHA paid $150 to buy Bud from his criminally negligent donor. Without their intervention, he almost surely would have died, as his mate did. It cost $150 to transport Bud from Arkansas, where he was found, to Brattleboro, Vt. where we picked him up.
So we start with $600.
The vet bills for heartworm and the other sores and afflictions Bud had totalled $1,296.50. They are all detailed on her vet care list, which is two feet long.
Carol didn’t add the cost of three months of food, treats and the cost of driving him to about 50 vet visits on her list of costs or the time she spent giving him various medications.
She paid for those things.
A conservative estimate of Bud’s cost to FOHA would be $1,600. The actual cost was probably closer to $1,900. So they took a $500 or $600 hit, not much retail profit in there. There is no hashtag for caring.
I talked to Carol Johnson all day during that period (still do on most days) and the idea that she is retailing rescue dogs to make money is ludicrous. She saved Bud’s life, is what she did.
Much of her life is about finding homeless and poorly treated dogs and saving them. But this is America, and nothing is free, and every idea must be challenged online by someone.
It is cruel and immoral to demean Carol’s work in this way. Carol worked hard to get Bud healthy and acclimate him to the civilized world. Nobody made a dollar off of Bud or me.
And the truth is, I would have happily paid $2,000 or $3,000 for a dog like Bud, he is quite unusual and worth every penny.
I reject the tribalism and partisanship that is poisoning the country, and now, obviously, the animal world. Dogs are not an us-against-them thing. Each dog choice is different and individual. I’m not going to join in.
There is no reason for anyone to have to fear choosing between buying a dog from a reputable breeder or a responsible rescue group. You have to be careful and thoughtful wherever you go.
It’s a false and dishonest paradigm. Of course there is a retail rescue movement, just as there are unscrupulous AKC breeders, I know more than one. Animals need us, we don’t need to let people divide us.
And the AKC is not run by Mother Teresa, they are as greedy and money-driven as anyone who comes near a dog. Some AKC breeders are wonderful, and conscientious. That is the way of life. There are no perfect choices.
I have often written that many in the rescue movement have lost perspective, traveling half the world find dogs to rescue and bring home, setting absurd restrictions to put needy dogs out of reach of the poor, the elderly and the people who work.
And it is getting expensive to buy a dog from anywhere. People who make dogs into a moral decision rather than a practical one that benefits dog and human. There are millions of dogs languishing in shelters, the challenge should be to get them adopted, not to keep good people excluded.
I know a 70 year old man (I am 71) who has been turned down four times by rescue groups because of his age. He is crushed by this, he is a life-long dog lover with resources and land and a great heart. He would certainly make arrangements – he has – for any dog of his to get to a new home, it is not hard to do.
A pox on their houses, discrimination like that ought to be against the law. I hope he sues them..
I am sad to see the rescue movement adopt the grievously cruel idea that it is humane to put dogs in crates in “no-kill” shelters, so they can languish in crates in this unnatural stupor for years, or even their whole iives. I can’t understand how anyone who claims to love dogs could see this as humane.
I have a writer friend who moved to the Caribbean to make money writing over stories for the many dogs the “rescue retailers” concoct so they can be sold to gullible and well-meaning Americans who need to buy abused and suffering dogs so they can feel good about themselves. Yes, his boss breeds Caribbean dogs for “rescue” and makes a lot of money.
Rescuing something is never the only reason I get a dog, and it kills many innocent dogs, who are returned to shelters and adoption groups because their owners were shocked by what a dog is really like. This is one of the leading causes of death for dogs.
I know many purebred dogs who are in need of rescue too, I consider all of my dogs rescues in one way or another.
My friend in the Caribbean says the most profitable stories there involve dogs tortured by drug dealers ($500 for a dog) and almost no one wants a normal healthy dog who just needs a home. There is no story for them to tell there, and yes, one would have to be blind and deaf to not know about the rescue retailers.
He said the worst thing he can say about a dog is that it is healthy and was treated well, and that is the truth about a number of Caribbean dogs who get to America.
But there are wonderful rescue groups, our challenge is to figure out which is which, the same applies to breeders. They each don’t need to wipe out the other, there is a place for both. Good breeders work to preserve the best traits in dogs, and they know how.
It is ludicrous to generalize about breeders and shelter and rescue groups. There are so many different kinds of each.
There are good breeders and bad breeders, good rescue groups and bad ones, well-run shelters, and horrendous ones. It is simple-minded and misleading for one label to claim purity and righteousness, while suggesting all of the others are corrupt or dangerous.
That is our tribal politics spreading their infection on the animal world. Any one who loves dogs should reject these efforts to divide us, they are smarmy and self-serving.
I don’t get dogs so I can “look good” or be “with the times.” I get dogs because I believe I will love them and give them the homes and lives they deserve. I am a steward of my animals, I am not their shrink or social worker.
I got Bud because I saw him pop up on an FOHA website, and his image spoke to me, and said “I am your dog.” I checked him out insofar as was possible, talked to Carol, to his vet and the workers in the clinic. I like to know more about the dogs I buy than this, but Maria and I decided it was good enough.
And why is Lacey sticking her nose into such a private and personal decision?
It is not the business of her, or the AKC or anybody else how and why I got my dog, but I’m happy to share that information.
After three days with Bud, I can tell you it was a great choice, we couldn’t be happier, and i know I can give him the life he deserves while working hard to get the dog Maria and I deserve.
And that’s the lesson I take from this experience: Don’t let anyone tell you unasked how to get a dog, they are not your friend. Get the dog you want, and give it the life it deserves.
Bud was cheap at the price, and I a grateful to Carol Johnson and FOHA that they didn’t leave him to wither and probably die in that awful pen out in the woods. How exactly do you put a price on that?
There is a fine line between life and death at the Mansion, death is a regular occurrence there, but still, the residents often feel a particular loss deeply.
Kenneth, Ruth’s husband of 27 years, died last week.
Every death is different. Some of the residents are rarely seen and barely known, others – Ken and Ruth – were very much seen, they were almost always sitting together on a couch in the Great Room.
The Memorial Service was held this morning, and I wanted to go. I love talking to Ruth and Ken, and photographing them, they were a sweet and devoted couple, always together.
Ruth got up at the end of the service to thank everyone. “You are my family now,” she said, and then she asked the Mansion Director Morgan Jones to come up for a hug.
I was touched when she also asked for a hug from me. “I want to thank you, Jon, when Ken and I got here, we had no money and you got us things we needed so we could be warm and look right. Thank you, we both loved you.”
When I first met Ruth and Ken, I saw – and was told – that they came only with the clothes they were wearing. Thanks to some good local Thrift Stores and Amazon, that was not the case for long.
These thanks belong to all of you, the Army Of Good – you have helped this couple with warm clothes for the winter, cool clothes for the summer, underwear, socks, sweatshirts, jackets and hats, large print books, a small TV for their room, and books and stuffed animals for Ruth. Thanks to you.
I’m looking for some YA- level large print books for Ruth. (and for Jackie).
There was a lot of sadness in the Great Room today, in a work where there are few couples, everyone loved to see this very devoted couple together, usually sitting on a couch in the Great Room.
There was a heaviness hanging over the residents after this service, lots of tears, the aides were walking around the room passing out tissues. I think I’ll go back with Gus and Red this afternoon. They could use some cheering up. I’ve rarely seen so many tears at a Memorial Service there.
One reason, I think, is that there are no other couples at the Mansion, couples are rare. They remind the residents of many things, including loss and grief.
Ruth and Ken were profoundly sweet, today, Ruth apologized to me for making me sad.
Ruth asked me to print out a photo so she could remember the service, and I’ll see that this gets done. I felt so close to the residents this morning, Red and I just hugged our way out of the room.
The Mansion teaches me once more that death is a part of life, sad beautiful and today, life-affirming. Ruth has a new family, and I promised her we would help her if we can.
You can write to write c/o Ruth, The Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816. Your messages matter.
Last night, I took my first portrait of Bud as he lay on the sofa curled up next to Maria, a favorite spot in his future life, I imagine. I am fond of his Smush Face, and as he is rarely still, I wanted to catch it last night while I could. Bud is a real character, don’t let his temporary shyness fool you.
