Today was the eighth straight day of Bud and me working together to learn the “stay” command. Reviewing the videos has been a phenomenal training tool for me, because I am seeing my mistakes and shortcoming. Which are many.
Training Labs and border collies has been easier for me because they can focus for long periods of time, and are motivated by several things. Also, I’ve had them and worked with them for years. Bud rattled me, he is so different.
Bud loves food, but he is hyper-reactive to every sound and movement in the pasture, as you can see. He loses focus after about five seconds. I’m not sure how far I can take that. We’ll see. Dogs have their own worldview and it’s risky to mess with it at an older age.
I am dedicated to being positive with him.
My biggest problem has not been where I stand or move, or the distance between us, the biggest problem has been my anxiety and the use of far too many words.
Bud was trying, but he couldn’t always differentiate the real command from all the chatter coming out of my mouth. He’s getting it now.
I think, thanks to the videos, I’m fixing that (this is what they mean when they say it’s almost always the human’s fault).
Bud is staying two or three times longer than a few days ago and at a far greater distance. His recall is excellent. I don’t know But that well, I didn’t raise him as a puppy, so I don’t know what other experiences he has had with commands.
Certain movements and words frighten him, I’m learning which. I know he had a brutal male owner. So I’m very careful with him.
Notice how Bud is learning to work through the distractions, of which there are many (deliberately). If he gets it in the pasture, he’ll get it anywhere.
If he makes a mistake, I simply get him back to where we started and repeat it. It takes about 2,000 repetitions for a dog to really grasp a command. We’re not even close. Training is a never ending thing, you can’t do it in four weeks at a pet store.
My plan now is to solidify what we have done and work on the length of stay. I believe that a dog must stay for up to three minutes to really understand the command.
Thanks for following this process, your comments have been helpful to me. I can’t say enough about watching your own training videos. Been good for me.
I’ve been visiting Joan and working with her for well over a year now, and she has taught me so much about the world of the memory-impaired. It is a different world, a challenging world.
Now, she is in yet another world, a rehab center, a new place for her to understand, a new world to navigate in the special world of the memory impaired. Over the weekend, she fell and broke her hip.
The memory impaired are like the blind, in a way, they cannot always see the world around them, they rely on other senses and gifts to survive and communicate.
I have done important reading work with Joan, she has been able to restore some of her memory and recount the important elements of her life – the murder of her daughter, the death of her husband, her memories of her beloved lake where she grew up.
They are fragmented, and they fade and glow, but are never whole, and never stay for long. Music is a powerful tool when working with Joan, it calms her and soothes her and helps the world make sense.
It is not an easy thing to lose one’s memory, the world often makes no sense, it is sometimes so difficult to know what to say, who the people you know and love are.
It is touching to see how Joan works around loving people but never knowing their names or who they are.
Joan does not yet know my name, or Red’s, yet her recognition of me and affection for me is so obvious.
It is very easy to love Joan, it is not always easy to help her. Talking in rehab, i saw that in one sense, memory loss is a blessing. She did not know that she had fallen and injured herself, she didn’t remember being in the hospital, I don’t really know if she was in little pain, or just didn’t remember any pain.
On the other hand, the world has become confusing for her. She knows the Mansion well, she needs help finding her room, but has a regular pattern of walks, visits and navigating the dining room and her meals.
She can sit down with me or others and read and focus, but in a few minutes, all memory of the moment is gone.
I think rehab will be difficult for her in one sense – new things to navigate – and easy in another, she will fall into a new routine, Joan always lives in the moment, she rarely laments the past or looks to the future. In one sense, she accepts life in a very powerful and beautiful way.
Laughter is one way to Joan’s heart she has a powerful sense of humor and we always laugh with one another, sometimes, it seems, at the absurdity of the world.
And music is another thing that transforms her. For a half hour or so, I took out my spanking Iphone X and went to the Apple music app and played her favorite songs – today she wanted to hear “Dream” by Fleetwood Mac, we played it over and over and again, and then some songs from Abbey Road.
I’d like to bring a boom box to her room, but she can’t use it by herself, and she shares her room with another patient, I’m not sure the staff will want that.
I put the phone on her bed, opened the music and Joan closed her eyes, we sat in silence for a long time with our eyes closed, a kind of memory meditation, I think, and the music brought Joan back to some of the important stories of her life.
They are in there, they aren’t gone, and Joan will need them over the next few weeks. I think she is about to teach me a great deal more. It is a gift for me to share even a small part of Joan’s world, it is a special place.
If you wish, you can write Joan, c/o The Glens Falls Rehab Center, 7 South, 152 Upper Sherman Ave., Queensbury, N.Y., 12804.
Joan went to a rehabilitation center today, she was alert and looked very strong to me. We were very glad to see each other.
It took me awhile to track Joan down, I went to the hospital in Glens Falls, N.Y., with Red and there was no listing for her in the directory, she had just been transferred. We got to the Glens Falls Rehab Center just after she did.
My phone map found the rehab center and we found Joan, looking good but a little bit lost. She doesn’t know my name or Red’s name, but she recognized us, and threw her arm around me and give me a strong hug and kiss.
The Glens Falls Center (a/k/a The Stanton Rehab Center) was impressive to me, it was bright, clean, cheerful and the staff were attentive, thorough and professional.
Red was a huge hit, a rock star, he was mobbed by the staff.
By now, I had learned that Joan had fallen had fallen – I got permission from Joan, the Mansion and her family to report this – and had broken her hip. She was transferred out of the hospital in just a couple of days and had already been on her feet and taken a walk. If she can walk by herself, she can return to the Mansion.
Joan was brave, but lost.
She was confused about where she was and where everyone she knew was, and what had happened to her, but she was very happy to see Red and me. She said she wanted to send a message, so I did a video. It was vintage Joan, loving and circular.
I don’t think she knows what happened to her, but she said she wanted to give a message to the people who loved her – there are many. You can’t just stop on a corner, she said, and somehow, it made sense. Joanie and can always communicate.
Joan loves being photographed, she loves attention. I know her eyesight is failing, but she loves to see any photo of her, as best she can.
At first, it was hard to see Joan in the Rehab Center, she is such a free spirit. She is just beginning to understand that she can’t get up and walk yet without help.
Joan is very active and easily bored, she said she wants to get letters, so here is her address. She is Joan, in the Glens Falls Center, 7 South, 152 Upper Sherman Avenue, Queensbury, N.Y., 12804.
Joan loves to get mail, but is not able to reply to the letters she gets.
I am going to visit her as often as I can, I’ll bring some of the memory books we have been working on together and today, I played music on my Iphone and we sat together and listened to Fleetwood Mac and the Beatles together, they are two of her favorites.
It was a sweet and meaningful time for me, we were both quiet and closed our eyes. Joan loves any kind of music. And she loves to dance.
Joan is always fun, and she was fun today, she is quick to laugh and smile at the world, even when it is no fun. It is always possible to cheer Joan up. “Oh well,” she said to me at one point, out of nowhere, “you just have to learn to smile.”
Tonight, I ordered some flowers and a stuffed Teddy Bear, her room is very clean and bright, but could use some color. She’ll get them tomorrow. Please don’t try to call Joan there, thanks.
Joan has a great spirit. For all of her memory struggles, I have never found it difficult to talk to her. She and I have done a lot of reading together, special books to restore memory, and the stories of her life often bubble up in unexpected ways.
Memory is a fascinating thing to me, and Joan has taught me a lot about pulling up the stories of people’s lives, even when it seems they can’t.
Joan’s physical therapist came in to meet her, and Joan gave her a great big hug also. She is a great border colllie lover, she adored Red.
Red was stellar, I think we cheered Joan up, we sang some Beatles songs together – she has no trouble remembering them and she asked if we could dance. We laughed a lot.
Last week, I was asked by a Mansion aide if I could get some new shoes for Joan for the Fall, her summer shoes were too light for the winter. She went to the hospital before I could give them to her, so I brought them to the rehab center today.
New Shoes For Joan
Joan said at one point that she wanted to take a walk.
The nurse and I both said no, quite forcefully. Joan is strong and determined, I believe she will be up and walking soon and back home at the Mansion in a couple of weeks. But I am not a doctor, and I don’t really know.
I called the Mansion and gave them an update, they were thrilled to hear that she was doing well.
The Mansion staff has won my heart in the way they have loved Joan and watched over her. Their work is not easy, they do it so well.
Thanks for caring about Joan, her spirit is strong and unbreakable, her heart is great, she never lets life defeat or discourage her.
A mutual friend told me a year or so ago that I would have to have a strong ego to accept the woman and person that Maria was becoming. I guess I must have a strong ego, because I love the woman Maria was, and is becoming.
She does seem to me to be getting stronger by the day – in her art, in her writing, in her friendships, in her life, in our marriage. Sometimes, I told her tonight, she reminds me of a powerful train, steaming across the plains.
Her art is much-loved, her photography is an art into itself, she has just re-built her blog, put up an Etsy page, become a videographer, a belly dancer, started a Vulva movement online, decided to die the wool she sells, become a strong and prolific writer, supports fellow artists, rethought our Open Houses.
And a reporter has just come to see her belly dancing class and take some photos.
She has boundless energy and gifts, and I understand that she is just beginning to reveal her strength. She and I have been on a long road together, and there is no place on the earth I would rather be or have been.
Maria is the greatest gift of my life, I am reminded of that that every day. The kind of love and respect I feel for her is a life-changer, and perhaps, a life saver.
I used to worry about what would happen to her if and when I died – I am older – but now, I fear mostly for anybody or anything that gets in the way of her.
Our relationship began with my showing her the photos I was taking all day, now she shows me beautiful photos and videos that quilts that she takes all day and makes all day. I love it beyond words when she comes to show me something. It’s quite amazing, and quite wonderful
She can take care of herself, for sure.
And now, she is becoming an accomplished belly dancer, a powerful thing in and of itself that she would not have dreamed of a couple of years ago, and that I never imagined.
I am no wallflower, but sometimes I feel as if I am standing still as she whizzes by, thinking of this doing that, starting this.
She used to dread writing every day, and now, she is simply writing all day, when she isn’t making art, which she does all day also.
I am eager to not be one of those men who is threatened in any way by a strong and independent and ascending woman or wife. Her growth and success only adds to me, it never diminishes me.
It is true that we are both competitive, but never once at the expense of one another.
And for all of my troubles and flaws, I am delighted to say that I am not one of those men who fears a strong woman, and will never be one of those men. Fortunately, it’s already too late. I know these men when I see them, and there are a lot of men who do need to keep woman down, and in their place.
You can look at the news almost any day and see how frightened men are of powerful women, and how determined they are to bully and silence and diminish them. It is my intent to never stand with those kinds of men.
This week, Elodie Reed, a reporter for the Bennington Banner newspaper came to Maria’s belly dancing class and took some photos. Maria wrote about this on her blog today.
I think the piece would benefit any woman or man who read it.
“You know how it is,” Maria told the reporter, ” we’re supposed to be ashamed of our bellies. We’re made to feel bad about them, think they’re ugly if they’re not flat and tight.”
“And this is our power center I said, still waving my arm around. If you look at the Chakra’s, this is where our power is and we’re taught to hate that part of ourselves.”
Personally, Maria told Reed, belly dancing for her was a rebellion against the stunted idea of beauty, a rebellion against all the people in power who are trying to bully women into remaining silent and still trying to make them feel ashamed of their true strength and abilities.
Every time I dance, she said, she and feel herself getting stronger.
On Wednesday, tomorrow, the 24th, turn on the radio – WBNTAM 1370- and check out my new radio broadcast, Talking To Animals on Community Radio Station WBNT, live-streamed anywhere in the country.
We’ll be taking your questions and talking about the role of dogs, cats and animals in our lives. The broadcast is from one to three p.m.. You can live stream it here.
The show is a call-in show, which means people have to call in for it to work. The toll free number is 866 406 9286, if you live in the broadcast area, the number is 802 442-1010.
Thanks for thinking about it, I hope to hear from some of you tomorrow. If you can’t or don’t wish to call in, you can send me your questions via e-mail, [email protected].
I support community radio, it is the last bastion of real people in media. I hope my program can be helpful to them, and rewarding for me and you.
The number is 866-406 9286. This doesn’t work if nobody calls.
