Bedlam Farm Blog Journal by Jon Katz

I met with Susan Popper for two hours today at the Round House Cafe, I was editing a piece she had just written on obesity, and it was an intense experience for both of us.

Susan can barely talk about the subject without crying and feeling great pain, and I was there to talk to her about structuring a piece like that, breaking it into manageable pieces and providing an outline.

She was crying for much of the time, but crying never bothers me, it is, to me, just another way of talking, and some of the strongest women I know cry a great deal. I wish I could cry more often than I do. Emotion often sparks the best writing in people, Susan is on fire.

In my editing her piece, I get myself detached – the editor has to be steady – and we got through the process. Susan is a great listener and learner, she is coming out as a writer and a photographer and she is very good at both.

But this is a painful subject for her. She hid behind her obesity for years and lived in the shadows. It nearly cost her her life.

I didn’t want to take a photograph of her crying, it seems too invasive even for me.

And Susan explained, in her piece and in talking to me, that she has stopped feeling only shame about her self and  her body, she has learned to see beyond the obesity and has discovered a loving, happy, joyful and intelligent person.

At the lunch, some friends came bye to chat, but they caught the emotion and quickly backed away.

This is the real Susan, the person I see and know, the person she has only recently met. Casting the shame aside, Susan is now only able to see who she really is, but is confronting her obesity in a calm and reasoned and determined way, something her shame about it blocked.

Susan likes this new way of seeing herself. She smiles all the time now, and she has the kind of radiant smile I love to photograph, again and again. Her story is very powerful and compelling, so is her smile.

I am eager to see the final version of her piece, she has worked  hard on it.  Her stories about the way people have always looked at her and judged her are wrenching.

Susan is now in my Writing Workshop which I’ve decided to continue for another year. The class has been pared down a bit, some people were too busy, others were not really interested in writing much, or in my teachings. No shame in that, but I want to keep the class focused on writing.

I’m also excited about starting up the class, we’re meeting again at the farm on Saturday mornings, the dining room has turned out to be a great place.

Susan is, in my mind, on the journey to authenticity, for me an essential part of being a writer. It’s hard to do and most people don’t want to do it, or can’t. Susan is doing it, and her smile is an inspiration to me, and I gather, to many others.

Smiles are so important.

Fate is something of a wild and impulsive creature, she tears around the farm like a obsessive maniac much of the time, and at other times, she seems to forget that she is not a puppy any longer but a big dog.

Fate has a great and loving hear, which is perhaps why she can’t bear to push the sheep around. Several times a week she climbs up on the footstool and just falls over into my lap for some hugging and belly scratching.

She loves to lean into my face even if she smushes my glasses. I admit to loving these cuddle sessions, I love Fate, she is unlike any other dog or border collie I have ever been privileged to live with. I guess we both need to do this sometimes.

I am always grateful when someone at the Mansion asks me for help for the residents, and I can provide it. It feels very good. This week, a chance to help Joan in an important way.

She’s getting a radio and some music CD’s.

The Mansion staff had a meeting the other day and they talked about Joan, who is much loved there but who is dealing with deepening memory issues. Sometimes she is restless and anxious -at times, she does not understand the world she is living in, a disturbing thing for anyone.

They meet several times a week to talk about the resident’s needs, and they figure out when to enlist me.

The staff has seen that music brings her joy and calms her.

Kassi took Joan for a ride the other day and plugged her smartphone into the speaker and she saw how peaceful and happy Joan was while she was listening, and they drove around.

Joan loves to dance and sing, music brings her great joy and calm.

I’m planning a ride with Joan this week – her sister has granted permission –  Maria and I will pick  her up and take her for a spin to Vermont, or to look at some pretty hills. I’d like to do this often.

I was asked by the staff if I could help get Joan a small radio for her room, and some music CD’s for her to play, to help her feel safe and at ease. This is not as simple as it sounds, as Joan tends to pack up her things every night because she thinks she’s going home in the morning.

Gifts and books and stuffed animals and paintings for the walls seem to disappear.

Also, Joan will not be able to set up the CD or use the CD’s, so it needs to have Blue Tooth capacity, so other people can also use it with their smartphones or tablets.

People like me and the staff.

I would love to sit and listen to music with Joanie. So would Maria, I imagine.

I found the right CD Player on Amazon for $59.99, it not only has Bluetooth but wall mounts so we can attach the player right to the wall, and Joan can’t pack it away.

I also ordered five CD’s from musicians I know she loves –  Willie Nelson, the Beatles, and Fleetwood Mac. These are among Joanie’s favorites, she loves older rock music and mainstream country music.

I bought Legend, the Best of William Nelson; Magical Mystery Tour, Rubber Soul, Abbey Road from the Beatles, and The Very  Best Of Fleetwood Mac.

I bought the CD player and the five CD’s, they are on the way.

If any of you out there have music CD’s that are older, and were recorded in the 80’s and 90’s, it would be helpful if you sent them along, c/o Joan to Joan’s Music, 11 S.Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.

Please don’t send more than one or two as we’ll get swamped – the Army Of Good can be frightening sometimes –  but we can store any extras.

And thanks. Joan has a a beautiful spirit, and music touches her soul and brings it peace in a way almost nothing else does.

It’s been a very hot summer, full of bugs and humidity, we haven’t done nearly as much walking in the morning as we usually do. We did go out together this morning, it’s finally cooler and drier. The meadow is thick and lush this year, almost impassable for the dogs or for us.

But it is still beautiful in its own way, and I took this photo with my Achromat Art Lens. I love the softness and texture of the meadow.

Mansion Activities Director Julie Smith had a great idea for a new activity for the residents that directly involves the Army Of Good, who live in every part of America and much of the Western World.

And it’s free.

“I just had a thought,” she wrote, “it would be great fun for the residents if you asked people from the blog to send a little note with information about the town or area they live in. I thought I would start a new activity where we would add their town on a map of the United States and talk about it.”

I posted this yesterday and Julie immediately got a bunch of e-mails with short descriptions of different towns and some local photo. Julie’s e-mail is [email protected]. She is forever looking for new and interesting activities for the residents.

You can e-mail her a short description of your town and send a photo of  you wish (optional) or mail you comments – two or three paragraphs —   to the Mansion if you prefer, c/o Julie, The Town Project, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.

I love this project. For one thing, it is free. For another, it is simple. And I can picture the wonderful map Julie plans make out of your messages and photos. This could be a living and continuous project that connects people of good heart with people of great need.

This kind of project is more important than it might seem.

The residents often tell me they feel abandoned and forgotten – no longer true, thanks to the Army Of Good, and they love being noticed and spoken to and remembered. They are also intensely curious about the outside world.

Many of the residents grew up in rural upstate New York and have little experience with the world beyond.

They are fascinated by your letters and messages, so if you can take a minute or so to write a few paragraphs about your town and e-mail or mail it to Julie, that would make a big difference and do a lot of good.

The residents also love our Pen Pal program, some can’t respond to your letters, but everyone I talk to loves getting them. They answer when they can.

If you wish to write to the Mansion residents,  here is a current list of residents who wish to receive your messages. You can send them to The Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.

I can’t give out full names, nor am I permitted to update you on their medical or emotional conditions unless they give me specific permission and I clear it with the staff.

Here they are: Winnie, Ellen, Matt, Gary, Gerry, Sylvie, Diane, Alice, Jean, Madeline, Joan, Allan, Bill, Blanche, Helen, Alanna, Peggie, Dottie, Tim, Art, Jackie, Brenda, Wayne, Kenneth, Ruth.

And thanks.