We had our first hot spell of the year yesterday and today, the Mansion was warm, the air conditioners are in the basement still, the residents still getting over the harsh winter.
Julie, the Activities Director, was reading a short story to the residents, and many of them had gathered around her, some to escape the sun still beating down on their windows, it was in the mid-80s. Courtney came into distribute some medicines to joan and others, everyone was following the stories closely.
Red came and sat down next to Jean in the background, she leaned over and stroked his back while Julie finished the story. Some of the rancor and grumpiness of the winter seemed to ease in the warmth. The residents can get out, take walks, sit on the porch, they feel less confined. I can feel the different mood. Barb, one of the residents I often spoke with, has left the Mansion.
So has Debbie, who loved to smoke a pipe. I still have a spare pipe in the car in case she runs out. I stood in the doorway, gave Red a chance to visit anyone who wanted to see him, and then left. Next week, I’m taking Madeline out to lunch. I think I’ll invite Maria two, the two are close and talk often. I think Minnie would like to come also.
Tomorrow, I’ll post a new residents list for people who l like to send messages to the residents. I think we’ll do Bingo again also. Saturday, the Albany Warriors, the refugee soccer group, is heading to my town to visit our friend Ed Gulley and hike in our woods and have lunch at the Round House Cafe.
I’m hoping to surprise them with their new colored sweatbands. They are looking stylish these days.
To care for the elderly, I think, requires me to bring myself into their reality. It’s not just about giving, it’s also about taking. As I have learned, the chance to give is a great gift, a mark of humanity and meaning, and it is too often denied those at the edge of life.
They are rarely given a chance to care for other human beings.
By letting them help me to give up the illusion that I am the sole creator and manager of my own life, and that nothing and no one can suddenly take it away from me. They know better. They are ahead of me, not behind me, if I listen, they have great wisdom to share.
This poverty of hubris, for lack of a better term, this new humility, can free me to receive the elderly into my life and see them as friends, rather than piteous and dependent creatures I must minister to. I have to listen to them, stand in their shoes, shed my own delusions about immorality.
I am not there to save them, or alter the course of their lives, or bring back what they have lost. I am not there to tell them everything will be fine.
When I have emptied myself of these conceits, then we can share our lives together, more as equals than the strong and the needy.
For the very first time today, I talked about my own work, my own aging process. I am, for the first time, paying attention to what they can offer rather than just what it is I have to give. And they respond with warmth, even love.
Today, we kicked off the new Mansion outing and lunch program, something I have been plotting for months. It is much easier on a warm and breezy day.
it was a beautiful day.
Jean And Red
Julie, the Mansion Activities Director came, along with Jackie, a new resident (and sharp Bingo player) and Peggie. I believe this is one of the things the Mansion residents need and appreciate the most – the chance to get out into the world and interact with people and just talk in a different environment. Of all the residents, Peggie is most out in the world. She goes to Bingo games, amusement parks, she visits the homes and children and grandchildren of her six children.
She is up for anything, any time.
These outings into the world stimulates and uplifts them. Today, we needed a Mansion staffer present because Jackie and Peggie both needed walkers. In the coming weeks, I’ve invited several Mansion residents – Madeline, Jean, Joan, Bob, Sylvie, to come out to lunch, just me and them, or sometimes, Maria.
The residents are free to come and go as they wish, all I need to do is sign them out and take good care of them.
Those I’ve asked so far are very excited about the idea, we’ll go to local restaurants. The residents usually eat simply, they order a sandwich and a cookie. The meals are inexpensive.
Today, the meal was $34.72 for four BLT sandwiches and three cookies, Ginger and two Chocolate Chip.
Most use walkers and/or wheelchairs, which fit easily into the back of my SUV. We stash them around the corner until they are needed.
It was a beautiful day, the conversation moved easily and warmly, as everyone settled in and got comfortable. Jackie was shy, we have had little contact. She is quite bright and articulate. I asked Peggie what she hoped for, and she said she wished to be “loud and awesome.” I said she was already there.
We talked about the outings we wished to go out on – there is much interest in the Adirondack Animal Park, about an hour away. I told them I wanted to plan another boat ride, they so loved it.
There is work involved – shooing away flies and wasps, brushing off crumbs, ferrying food and water, guiding to the bathrooms, clearing the tables.
There is a safari ride that cars can drive thought. Everyone wants to go on that, in the Adirondacks, there are all sorts of newborn babies there, but it costs $17 a person plus lunch and we would have to limit the people to eight or nine, I think. Three staffers would also have to go. We are still talking it over.
I’m going to talk to park officials this week to see about a discount.
It was a lovely time, Peggie and Jackie were relaxed, they talked about aging, keeping their minds busy. It was more like having dinner with two friends that two elderly people in need. That was precisely what I had hoped for.
This lunch/outing idea feels good to me. It doesn’t take long, and fits into my idea of small acts of great kindness. No miracles, we are not looking to alter fate and reality.
The Mansion has posted a new and short and inexpensive Wish List on Amazon, – Beads, Badges, Plastic Recycling Bins, Finding Dory, and Shrek. Videos of this new movies will brighten some afternoons and evenings at the Mansion. Your wish list gifts are arriving steadily now, they are a rich addition to life there.
In assisted care, the days can sometimes drag by, good movies and real craft tools are a stimulation, gathering of community and just fun. Thanks so much for supporting the new Amazon Mansion Wish List. You’ve already turned it over twice, this one won’t last long. The Army Of Good, is well, good.
If you wish to support my work at the Mansion, you can send your contributions to The Gus Fund, c/o Jon Katz. P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816, or via Paypal, [email protected]
Here is a list of Mansion residents who wish to receive your letters, photos, gifts and messages: Winnie, Jean, Ellen,Mary, Gerry, Sylvie, Diane, Alice, Jean, Madeline, Joan, Allan, Bill, Helen, Bob, Alanna, Peggie, Dot, Tim, Ben, Art, Guerda, Brenda, Wayne, Kenneth, Ruth.
Maria and I called our regular Friday night bingo game at the Mansion, a full and very boisterous house for the game, we ran out of bingo cards. Afterwards, we stopped by the Activity Room, and Madeline and Alice were watching Wheel Of Fortune. Maria sat down to chat with them, Red went to work.
This picture struck me as emblematic. We were five minutes late arriving, and I think the warming weather is getting spirits to soar. There was a minor uprising in protest, they wanted to get the game going, we were greeted with table-pounding and many demands to get moving. We got moving.
The residents were in a boisterous mood.
It was a special night, a fun night. When we got started, the tables were full, we ran out of cards. Almost everybody won and got a prize. The crowds are getting bigger at Bingo, and we are becoming skilled at keeping order, helping people who need it, and keeping the game going.
Before the Mansion, I never once played bingo, life is deliciously strange.
Two worlds meet: Ali and the heart of the soccer team
It was a frigid, snowy day at the Mansion, the soccer kids showed up in the usual Spring attire, sweatshirts and light jackets. The team is in the middle of an intense indoor soccer tournament but they wanted to come to Cambridge to serve lunch to the Mansion residents, something they all wanted to do.
It was almost overwhelming for me, as I have come to love many of these kids, and also many of the Mansion residents. I was so touched by the statements of Sylvie, Bob, Peggie and Madeline, they were honest and heartfelt. Everybody in the room learned a lot today.
These kids are quite wonderful.
When I met them, they had no good shoes, uniforms, cleats or jerseys. Thanks to your generosity, they are getting what they need, bit by bit.
They have suffered grievously, back home and now. They told the Mansion residents stories of being taunted and ridiculed and even threatened in the public schools. Every time I hear these stories, I want to do more for them. I am talking to the Great Escape Amusement Park At Lake George about a summer outing for the team
I made a point of introducing Joan to the refugee children and thanking her for being so open and loving, despite her struggles with memory. They all applauded for her – definitely a teary moment for many. Afterwards, Joan came up to Maria and told her “you have a good man there, he is very sweet. Don’t let him get away.” I was astonished. Maria said she would keep a close eye on me.
Joan sees a lot more than many people think.
These children deserve our love and support. If you wish to support this work you can donate to The Gus Fund, c/o Jon Katz, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816. We are doing good and making a difference. More photos tonight.
