If people have been abused as children, almost anything they see or hear can trigger awful images of the past and bring the victims right back to it – anywhere, any time. At the moment, our politics are a trauma all their own, and the mind doesn’t distinguish between violent abuse or vicious politics.
(Above: The Bedlam Farm Canine Meditation Unit. They are essential.)
We work in a volatile world of social and cultural abusers; there is hardly a day without feeling their impact on our psyche or well-being. I’m not accepting that life but changing it to meet the sad but very real new reality. I always thought of my country as a safe place. I hope it will return to that one day.
Maria and I both share an experience of abuse, and we talk about it ourselves, but rarely to anyone else. It’s not how we identify ourselves, but how we understand the pain and confusion of traumatic memory and our daily lives. The Buddhists call this “inappropriate attention” because it takes away from the present moment and brings us to a place of old- but excruciating – suffering.
The shrinks agree this is dangerous and say we must pay attention to it; we use the new ways to deal with the sorrow, fear, and suffering that can suddenly arise and sting; it’s everywhere. They are overwhelmed by people seeking help.
These times are rough on all of us, especially abuse and trauma victims, which is getting to be almost everyone, red or blue. In our country, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say millions of people are being traumatized – and yes, abused – every day. And by both sides of the spectrum. I choose not to be abused by either one of them.
Our civil life seems a daily trigger that leaves millions of people frightened and worried about the future. I chose to work to put that kind of trauma behind for now; it is unhealthy for me and my work and also for my mental health. But you can’t escape it all in America, not with our bodies bombarded by shock, anger, and disruption.
I decided instead to leave arguments behind and focus on the many good things in my life. I also want to teach myself not to live on or be a battlefield but exist in the love and meaning around me. I have a good life, but it doesn’t deserve what is happening around it.
I don’t tell others what to do, but I will share what I have learned in case it might be helpful. This recurring abuse trauma can be dealt with; it just takes patience and discipline. No trauma survivor will ever be at peace when awful, cruel, and disturbing news is fired their way 30 or 40 times a day. I stopped that and felt better instantly. I will never be without anxiety at times, but I can mostly be happy and content.
I am always more or less informed of and aware of the day’s news, but there are many other ways to do that than to check and pick up an Iphone many times a day (or even one long time a day) and keep those old images bubbling and showing themselves. I choose where and what to listen to; I don’t leave it to pundits holding computers.
Pain is inevitable; suffering is a choice.
The world suffers plenty; they don’t need me to add. That is a choice, and an unhealthy one. I don’t care to go back to awful things; I prefer to live in the good ones I have worked hard to have in my life. No politician will take that away from me, red or blue. We all have the right to be happy, not constantly frightened or upset. That is a choice, not something that is inevitable and necessary.
Therapists all over the country report record numbers of people seeking help – it seems our civic life has become about a trauma all of its own, a kind of social and media abuse, and a trigger as well, especially disturbing to people who were disturbed as children. Sadly, that is a lot of people, including our President. I learned to breathe in and out when triggered and have a couple of mantras I use. It works for me.
When I feel the fear or anger surging, I remind myself where the suffering comes from. The triggers can be troubling in their own right, but the awful feelings of anxiety and helplessness are often embedded in us; they are memories and traces of the past. I don’t live in the past. I live in now.
I told myself this old suffering is only a geography, an image. I work myself back to the reality of now (a new and different kind of suffering). I choose to live in the now, not the past. And believe me, it is a choice. I never speak poorly of my life or anyone else.
Where do we want to go with this critical and timely haunting? Spiritualists like the famous Monk Thich Nhat Hann have this idea, and it has worked for me and many others:
“With the energy of mindfulness,” he writes,” we recognize that our old suffering is only an image; it’s not reality. And we can see that life with all of its wonders is here, that living happily in the present moment is possible.”
This is true even with all kinds of triggers, trauma, and cruelty erupting around us. I’m getting older; I want my life meaningful and peaceful. I believe I’m learning how to do it
