I’m always watching how animals communicate with one another, even though I rarely know what they are saying.
Socks came up to Griselle, who was standing along in the Pole Barn and nuzzled her. It was one of those moments I often see but rarely capture in a photo. I was glad to be there. Socks was certainly saying something.
For the past several years I’ve focused much of my work at the Mansion on reading to the residents. I’ve read specially designed books for the memory paired, tried novels and short stories, and lately have become to zero in on what really works for the advanced elderly, many with memory difficulties.
In my weekly reading sessions at the Mansion, I’ve gotten to experiment with many different types of stories – fiction, history, adventures, even romance. I think I’ve been breaking through lately. I judge my books and stories by the way the residents respond to them. How long do they stay focused? Do they smile? Have questions? Want more of the same
I’ve put together this book list for next week’s reading. They absolutely loved “The Wonky Donkey” by Craig Sith and Katz Cowley. It had repetition, plays on words, strong images and strange sounds.
The premise is very simple. The narrator is walking down a road and sees different donkeys – one has one eye, one smells, one is thin, one is handsome, one listens to country music. The story is silly, here’s the words from one page: “I was walking down the road and I saw a donkey, HEE-HAW, he only had three legs, one eye, he liked to listen to country music, he was quite tall and slim…and he smelt really, really, bad.
He was a stinky-dinky, lanky, honky-tonk, winky wonky donkey.”
With each sighting the words grew longer, and as it went along, the residents were laughing, clappy and repeating the words. Nobody nodded, dozed or got up and walked out. The residents are a tough audience.
I try to mix up the books. The residents love the novel called “An Elderly Lady Is Up To No Good,” by Helene Tursten, the stories are about Maude, an 88-year-old not shy about murdering people who get in her way. The story itself – the very thought of Maud – was empowering to the residents, they were rooting for Maude every step of the way, she had power and courage and independence.
The stories are meant to be funny, and they are, but the premise is so original and against the grain (people often bring Bibles for the residents to read) that they are mesmerized by it, I read one-third of each story every week. Nobody wants to miss the next installment.
I got a book today I know the residents – many from farm families – will love. It’s called “Chicken Talk” by Patricia MacLachlan and Jarrett J. Krosoczka, and its about a dozen chickens who leave hilarious and impertinent messages for the farmer and is family in field every day. They made food requests, and insult the fox and his intellect.
The very title will grab the residents, and they will be entranced by the story. Same goes for a new book called “The Pirate Chicken,” story by Brian Yanish and Jess Pauwels about the feared and feathered pirate Redfoot and her all-chicken crew as they sail the high seas.
These are mostly children’s books with vivid illustrations, a lot of humor and irony. They are different, they go against the grain, they are much more challenging and funnier than most of the reading materials the residents ever get to see.
My goal is to stimulate them, surprising them, sometimes challenge them to step out of their own heads. I’m not looking to lecture them or offer them platitudes. I steer away from religious books, they see and hear about them all the time.
I am always building up the library of books in the Activity Room, the residents are reading more than ever. I do look for stories that are happy and uplifting. Even Maud is a character one can admire.
I have high hopes for “Babysitter From Another Planet,” by Steven Savage.
What I look for are narratives that are short, funny, surprising and fairly short.
I love reading to the residents, I always try to have something new to show them. I look for the look I got when I read the Wonky Donkey, they have asked me to read it every week, and this time I’ll have them read out aloud with me.
We had the best time in my weekly reading-to-the residents class, I had a full house in the Activity Room. They loved the Wonky Donkey and the adventures of Maud, the murderous 88-year-old from Sweden. I never saw them smile and laugh so much or listen so hard.
I was so elated I rushed over to the Battenkill Book Store and got a half-dozen rhyming and word play books for next week.
I also dropped a new idea on the residents that shocked but very much interested them once I sold and explained it a bit.
I asked them if anyone would be interested in taking a weekly meditation class that I would teach. There was a stunned silence, but Sylvie was the first to raise her hand and say “I would love to meditate but I don’t know how…”
I’m your man, I said, I’ve been taking meditation classes for years. Peggie said she would come, and Madeline said she heard someone tell her years ago that meditation was healthy.
I said I had talked to specialists in elderly care and they told me research has shown that people who meditate in assisted care live longer and are healthier and more peaceful. I read three different studies on how meditation affects the elderly, and how nourishing and grounding it can be.
This opened a few eyes, and there were suddenly a bunch of questions. Most of them had never heard of meditation or had no real idea what it was. These are mostly rural farm people, meditation is not common around here.
They were full of questions, a good sign. What was it exactly? What did you have to learn? How hard was it? How long does it take? Did I do it with Red?
I said I would come over to the Mansion Thursday in the late morning after the daily exercise class. I said I would guide the meditation, which would be silent. I would tech some breathing exercises and give them some idea of what to think when their minds took off on them in unexpected directions. Afterwards, we could all talk about it and see if we want to continue.
I thought the response was deep and genuine, and this surprised me as the residents are generally wary of undertaking new projects, they tire easily and sometimes struggle with attention spans and focus.
The right story gets them focused and wide-eyed and smiling, the Wonky Donkey was a big hit. I highly recommend it for people in assisted care. I went out and got $60 worth of fun picture books, including Planet Chicken. The more I do this, the more I learn what the residents love.
I made a strong and sincere case for the idea that this would be helpful to them, there is a lot of research about meditation and people in elder care, it really is healthy and good for them.
I felt some were wary but trusting me, and I can’t wait to try it on Thursday. I love meditating, I told them it is something like a prayer, a way to look inward, feel peace and clarity, and stay focused. A trip inside your mind.
I’ll let you know, my work at the Mansion only deepens and brings me joy the longer I do it.
If you wish to support this work, you can contribute via Paypal, [email protected] or you can send a check to Jon Katz, Mansion Fund, P.O. Box 205, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816, small donations are welcome as much as large ones.
And thanks. We are doing good.
The re-design of my blog, my creative child, went well. Only two people complained about the new design, everybody else who wrote me loved it.
The collapse and rebirth of my blog feed has not been as simple.
Although I am told by the tech people that the new feed is working beautifully, my e-mail suggests some people are still having trouble getting their daily feed from the new feed company, Specific Feeds.
I am paying monthly rates for this new feed, and am happy to do it, but I wish everyone was happier, and some are not. There is not an awful lot I can do about it from this end. Every check says the system is working well (I get it every morning promptly at 4 a.m.).
it is hard for me to see loyal readers struggle to get their blog sent to them, I know it is even harder for them. Technology is such a mixed bag of blessings and troubles and frustrations.
But the truth is some people just aren’t getting it. We can’t really know, these reports are few and it may be that some computer programs and devices are just no compatible with the advanced designs in the blog and the feed.
The tech people say this could be because of many things – their browser, device, the age of their equipment, the condition and date of their software. We just can’t know from here, and I am an idiot when it comes to tech problems.
Sometimes people find the blog is being delivered to their trash. Sometimes they cancel their mail subscriptions and re-enter their e-mail. One thing that has worked has been contacting Specific Feed directly, they do have a help team and their customer service seems good.
You can e-mail them at https://www.specificfeeds.com/pages/contact_us. They will help you, if it is possible.
Some of the people having problems have decided to get the blog manually, to Bookmark it, Google it, or just type bedlamfarm.com into their browsers. These methods seem to be working for everyone.
I will keep monitoring this on our end, please feel free to let me know if you have trouble. I will pass your issues along. I work hard on the blog and so many of you have stayed with me all these years, it stabs the heart to see your frustration.
If there is good news it is that the blog is healthy and alive, and publishing just about every day. Thanks for hanging in there with me, it is still free and easy to find.
It’s time to visit my daughter and granddaughter Robin in Brooklyn, I’m going for two days and nights, March 17 to 19, taking the train and coming loaded with some gifts that will be fun, I hope.
I’m sick of my own vacillating, I decided to go for one night, made reservations, and Emma, who is smarter than I am, got a room for me for two nights and said she would pay for both if I didn’t come and use them.
I decided to suck up my angst and confusion over the grandfather thing. Em says Robin asks about me often and is excited about my visit. They insist on calling me “meepaw” which I don’t really like. But I guess it’s not up to me.
I doubt that Robin could possibly miss me that much, she sees me rarely, but Emma doesn’t lie and it’s time for me to suck it up and just spend some time with this kid, who sounds like a lot of fun.
It’s hard for me to leave Maria for two whole days, we are so close, and I will miss her, and the blog and the dogs and my farm. I feel it already. We have been on a miraculous journey together, and I hate to miss a day of it.
But I know that’s also a good reason to go, we both have and need our own lives. Emma says she might be able to get us into the Frida Kahlo exhibit at the Brooklyn Museum, just a few blocks away from where she lives.
Maria says I should go, of course, and of course I should go.
She will stay home and take care of the dogs and the farm, which makes things easier. Another truth is that I don’t really know Robin well enough to miss her, I think I’ve protected myself from that, but I do miss Emma, and miss the joy of being a father. That, I think, will never really come back. She is thriving in her own life, far away, that is what I hoped for, not that she be bound to me.
I am not one of those grandparents whose grandkids become the focal point of their lives. I want and need my own life, as she wants and needs hers. I do want some kind of relationship, I can’t see yet quite how it will work. But I’m open to it.
Emma insists that Robin is a Hellion and that she and I are soul mates and fellow hell raisers, but this puzzles me, since I don’t think Emma has been all that crazy about my hell-raising and contrary turns and twists through life.
She is utterly bewildered by my living in the country, does not read my books, and was not a fan of my decision to get divorced.
Why would she want me to go and corrupt her kid?
It doesn’t matter, it’s time for me to be mature as well as old and go and give this relationship a chance. I am lucky to have them both in my life.
I doubt I will be seeing much of Robin one way or the other – they’ve only been to the farm once in her two years of life, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be close in our own way.
Robin is into Johnny Cash and Joan Bett songs, so after pumping Emma a bit, I came up with a list of gifts that are my favorite gifts: they promote creativity and are fun. I got her a kid’s guitar, which Emma says she will love, and a portable DVD player with music from Cash and Bett and her two favorite movies, SING and MOANA. Now, she can listen to music in her own room, and not have to watch You Tube with the rents. I like promoting freedom and independence.
I also got Robin a colorful stuffed owl and two Magic Eye books.
After fussing about it for a few hours, I was losing respect for myself.
I went online this morning and changed my return from the 18th to the 19th, it was simple and cost nothing. Emma lectured me on how to change train tickets, I got a bit huffy and said I wasn’t a complete moron, I’ve taken the train a few times in my life.
I’m ready to go see my family in Brooklyn. I love the energy of New York but can no longer imagine living there, I need to be in nature and around animals.
It is sometimes necessary to remind my daughter that I am not a complete idiot.
I smiled at the exchange with Emma though, I remember the day when she was about 15, she turned and looked at me as if I had dropped out of the butt of a horse. She was suddenly stunned at my endemic stupidity. It’s better now, but the echoes are still there.
And much as I love my life, I miss being a father at times. So onto Brooklyn, we’ll see what we shall see. I have a hunch Robin will love playing her guitar and listening to Joan Jett and Johnny Cash.
