31 March

Bravery, Determination, Love And Life At The Mansion Bingo Game

by Jon Katz
A Poignant Bingo Game: Joan consoling Ellen for coming close to a Bingo win, but not winning.

When I signed up to call the Friday night Bingo Game at the Mansion, I pictured a simple, sleepy round of Bingo, I’d gone shopping for some prizes the night before. Maria said she would love to come along and help. The first week was a bit raucous. One player seemed to be cheated, a relative of a resident was playing on four boards at once, there was a fight when one resident heard voices, another took her gift certificate to a liquor store and tried to buy some vodka.

Maria and I gulped and huddled after that, and changed some rules. We checked each card against the winning numbers, we gave everyone a prize who came, we forbid fighting, we got things under control quickly and comfortably. The second game was mild and uneventful, or at least, less eventful.

But the Good Friday game this week turned out to be something that was beautiful, painful, poignant and very challenging. We brought in our visiting friend Susan to help out, but I knew the minute we walked into the Mansion that it was going to be a challenging night.

We had a parade down the hallway to the game, and it took a long time, as the walkers piled up on each other around the corner of the hallway and some of the residents had to walk very slowly.

One of the players were exhausted from a long day out with her family, and struggled to walk and be awake. Another game player was recovering from a debilitating stroke, and could not focus on her numbers or speak clearly. Another was in a fuming rage and was hearing insulting voices, the staff warned me she might be very angry.  One was congested and couldn’t hear. Another couldn’t see the board, and another became confused about Bingo, which she had played all of her life and could no longer connect the numbers with her board.

Another resident prone to bursts of anger stared outside of the Bingo room and glowered at me, demanding that he go outside.

The final player who appeared had several accidents during the game, one more stormed out. One fell asleep at the table.  All of the players needed special help, Maria, Susan and I had to call, check, mark the cards, give out prizes, get people out for help, cleaned up and back in the game.

I was happy to be there. If these people could get to the game, I could. Maria called the numbers and I helped the players. One player was so exhausted Susan had to sit with her doing the entire game.

Susan said next to one of the residents who couldn’t focus and I ran back and forth among the others, making sure the players spotted their numbers when it called. I had to move quickly and continuously.

I invited Joan, a special resident with memory problems to play and she was delighted to be asked,  but I had to stand beside her and help her find the numbers on her card. I am happy to say she had a great time and was figuring out how to read the numbers by the end of the Bingo Hour, which ended up being longer than that.

One of the players – she was not a cheater – began filling in the numbers on her card, she was imagining that she had won, and was not aware of what was happening. I gave her a prize, and she loved it, it was a bookend with two cats that moved in 3-D. She loved it.

I can tell you that i felt valuable and needed, and so did Maria and Susan. It was intense and draining, it was loving and fun, all at the time time.  And touching. The players struggled to be there. Red rushed from table to table, nearly overwhelmed by the people needing him, wanting to see him, and calling his name.

I so admired these people – it took one of the player more than10 minutes just to get to the game, right around the corner from her room. They wanted to much to play, they wanted to win, they wanted to hear, they wanted to see. Everyone could do some of these things, hardly anyone could do all of these things.

In the Mansion, the aging process is sometimes relenting and very visible. There is little stasis at the Mansion, things are rarely the same two or three days in a row. A player who was alert and laughing two weeks ago, might be utterly confused and nearly helpless now.

So at Bingo, we get water, clean up spills, give out prizes, check each board, rush from one person to another and rejoice when we spot the Bingo lines that many of the players could not see.  Maria is a great numbers caller, loud and funny. And most importantly, enthusiastic.

The game was about so much more than Bingo.

It was so important for them to be there, for them to try, they cared so much about the game, and about being able to participate in it.

It was an emotional thing for many of them, they had been playing Bingo all of their lives, and they could see clearly what age and time had taken from them. But they were determined,  had fun and did the best they could do, and so did we. They loved their prizes and were sad when the game ended. They were tired and so were we.

As we left, the residents got up and crowded around us, thanked us, hugged us, begged us to come back. We will. Next Friday, we kept saying, next Friday. Some of them had heard about Gus, who had visited the Mansion a few times. They were very sorry about his death.

It is difficult to leave the Mansion at times, so many people needing things, wanting to thank us for coming, wanting a hug, gathered their walkers who would help some of them with the very long and sometimes struggle to return to their rooms. I admired these people greatly and loved them. Sometimes, it take a lot of courage to play Bingo in a home for the elderly.

We were tied. We were happy.

We’ll be back next Friday.

__

Next week, a big week at the Mansion. Monday, the Mansion is holding a lavish Easter party in the afternoon, thanks to the many gifts, favors, decorations and food sent by the Army Of Good. This may be your best effort ever, Julie Smith, the Mansion Activities Director, says she has never seen anything like it. I’ll be there Monday, the Round House Bakery And Cafe is supplying special Easter cakes and desserts, again, thanks to the Army Of Good.

And Friday, the RISSE soccer team is coming to the Mansion to serve lunch to the residents and trade stories about their lives. That will be special. Thanks for writing to the residents, your letters are precious to them. You can write them care of the Mansion, 11 S. Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.

The residents on the mailing list are Winnie, Jean A., Mary, Sylvie, Diane, Alice, Jean G., Madeline, Joan, Allan, Bill, John K., Helen, Bob, Alanna, Barb, Peggie, Dorothy, Timity, Debbie, Art, Guerda, Brenda, Wayne, Kenneth, Ruth. And thanks.

23 March

Bingo Night, Peaceful (Almost) And Fun

by Jon Katz
Bingo Night

Maria and I have somehow slipped into the role of Bingo Night callers, we went for the third time to the Mansion for the Friday night bingo games. There was a bit of cheating, and some complaining and confusion, one fight – and some suspected prize theft  from the prize cart – but it was vastly more peaceful and smooth than some previous nights.

There was a lot of laughing too.

Things can get pretty raucous in the Bingo games at the Mansion, people who were sweet and docile an hour earlier turn into fearsome warriors at the Bingo Table. Last week one of the residents’ took my gift of a $10 gift certificate from a convenience store to a nearby liquor store and tried to cash it in for vodka.

I didn’t think she could do something like, but I will not underestimate her again.

I saw another resident had five squares marked but Maria had only called out one number. We moved the squares back and she didn’t try it again. Feelings run high at Bingo.

This week, I bought some small soft, stuffed animals, small and furry bunnies for, Easter. They were a big hit.

Alice, one of the oldest residents at the Mansion and one of the sweetest, surprised us by coming in. She had never played Bingo before. I gave her a quick lesson and stood beside her to help out.

Maria and I take turns calling out the numbers, one calls them and the other moves around to help people who have trouble seeing or hearing or moving the red covers on and off the numbers as the game progresses.

Tonight, Alice played her first Bingo game I stood right behind her to help spot the numbers she had on her board when they were called out. She won two games, and also a stuffed furry rabbit – a stuffed animal – and a 3-D book end.

We are figuring out how to control this unruly mob, and we’ll be back calling the Bingo numbers  next week. I’ll think of some fun prizes.

Oddly, we would not wish to be anywhere else. We met some friends at a brewery after the Bingo games, we were wiped out.

If you wish to write to the Mansion residents, you can do so by sending your letters to The Mansion, 11 S.Union Avenue, Cambridge, N.Y., 12816.

The names of the residents who would like to receive your letters are Winnie, Jean A., Ellen, Mary, Gerry, Sylvie, Alice G., Jean G., Madeline, Joan, Allan, William, John K, Helen, Bob, Alanna, Barbara, Peggie, Dorothy, Tim,  Debbie, Art, Guerda, Brenda, Wayne, Kenneth, Ruth and John.

23 March

A Big Weekend: Extreme Bingo, March For Children, Trip To Brooklyn

by Jon Katz
Big Weekend

Today kicks off a big weekend for us.

Tonight, Maria and I will call the Bingo game at the Mansion. If  you think a Bingo game at an assisted care facility is a quiet affair, think again. It’s a raucous brawl. There is suspected cheating, fights and arguments, outsiders slipping into the game without permission, residents trying to trade their gift certificate prices in for booze, ineligible people grabbing prices.

Last week, Maria and I wanted to hire a security guard. We’ve cooked up all kinds of plans to quiet things down and we’ll be at our posts at 6 p.m. sharp with our new system. Wish us luck.

Tomorrow morning, Maria and I will go to visit our friend, the poet Mary Kellogg, who broke her hip in a fall last week in her home. She is doing well in rehab, eager to get home, we’ll go say hello.

Tomorrow afternoon, we will join the March For Our Lives, children are marching in 800 cities for common sense gun control, and we will be marching with them here in Cambridge, we’ll be walking a mile down Main Street at 2 p.m. I stand with the children who demand that they be safe in their schools. They are fighting for all of us.

Sunday, Maria and I will be getting up at 4 a.m. to catch an early train to Brooklyn, time to visit my granddaughter Robin, we’ll be returning early Sunday evening. I’m bringing a small digital camera for toddlers, stickers and a sack full of books Robin is deep into reading and stickers and we can find common ground there.

Sunday night, I hope to watch Stormy Daniels tell her story on CBS’s 60 Minutes.” I admire her for what she is trying to do. I don’t care who sleeps with who, but I don’t care for the idea of powerful old rich men buying people to keep them silent. If you want to be a free spirit and live in an open marriage and also be President Of the United States, then take some responsibility for what you have chosen to do.

Sometimes, you just have to stand up and take the music.

We are our stories, we have the right to tell them.

I think next week would be a good time to rest. I’m having some quiet hours in the afternoon, listening to music, meditating, drinking up the silence. Good for me.

16 March

Bingo Night! Where We Want To Be

by Jon Katz
Bingo Night

Peggy won the last round of Bingo Night at the Mansion, Maria and I took turns calling the game. One resident is angry with me because he considers Bingo to be gambling, but all we exchanged were laughs, smiles, hugs and an hour of escape and camaraderie, for all of us.

The Mansion residents seem to like it when Maria and I come on Friday nights to run the Bingo game for an hour, from 6 p.m. to 7. They were waiting for us, we were five minutes late. We were warned to be on time next week (we have agreed to come next week as well).

This was a challenging week for us, and we were delighted to be there, there were many of the usual dramas. One of the players can’t move the number covers on the board, another can’t see the numbers on the board, another has some psychological issues and storms out of the room periodically.

We  have to call the numbers but also be able to help the players, so there is a fair amount of running around.

The Mansion continues to suffer from cabin fever from this long and cold and snowy winter. One of the residents came to the door of the cafeteria and glowered at  us and stormed out. Another got into a shouting match with someone else at the table, and I puffed myself like a big bear and looked her in the eye and said “NO FIGHTING HERE” in a loud voice.

The fighter challenged me and said “what will you do about it?,” and I answered, “I’ll pack up the bingo game and leave, and you can tell your friends why there is no more game.”

“Where will I go?,” she asked. “Up to you, ” I said, “you have a room to go to if you wish.”

I added: “I am happy you are here and I hope you stay, but I will not be a part of any fighting. I am not her to fight or to watch people fight.”

She got up and left, and came back later to ask me if I could get her something she needed. I said sure.

It got back to normal. I think it was necessary for me to state that, and it is a good way to respond. I went out and bought what the asked for.

The residents had fun, when either of us didn’t call out numbers that matched their boards, they would shout out “you’re fired. New caller!” There was a lot of laughing. We  had a good time.

Red goes from table to table greeting everyone and presenting himself for patting and scratching.  He loves the Mansion.

Maria felt the same way I do, she was happy to go to the Bingo game, we enjoy it. Doing good is the best distraction, it takes you out of  yourself. We were both laughing. I said I was very fortunate to marry someone who is delighted to come to an assisted care facility on  Friday nights and run a Bingo game. We are both a bit crazy, I think. I married very well.

As we were leaving, I asked the residents if we could pump up the prizes a bit. One wanted a gift certificate to Battenkill Books, he is an avid reader, two others wanted stuffed animals, another urged me to surprise her. I have some ideas for next week. One of the women surprised me by asking for a pipe and some tobacco.

I’ll do that.

Peggy, above, was tickled, she won the last game. I know what she wants, she has a stack of stuffed animals on her bed, and sleeps next to them.

12 March

Maria’s Art Class At The Mansion: Perspective

by Jon Katz
Perspective

Maria taught her monthly art class at the Mansion today, the class was on perspective and she wrote about it on her blog.

The class was full up and everyone waded into the subject. I love seeing Maria teach at the Mansion, she is clear and enthusiastic and patient. The residents love working with her and worked hard on the idea of perspective, something they had not heard about before.

I’ll let her describe the afternoon. Friday, we are running Bingo Night again. We both are a little surprised that we enjoy it so much. I learned today that I was being lax on some of the rules. Crackdown.

Bedlam Farm