Bedlam Farm Blog Journal by Jon Katz

9 May

Life Update, Personal: Grazing Is One Of Those Grounding Things. Working Through Side Effects, Loving The Farm, Time Off From Therapy

by Jon Katz

In the morning, I love to look outside and see the sheep and donkeys grazing; there is something iconic and peaceful about it in a world sometimes drowning in information nobody likes to hear, or I don’t want to hear. Somebody must enjoy it, or there wouldn’t be much of it.

I’m feeling off today; I started taking the now-famous Ozempic, which was created for diabetics but was taken over by Weight Watchers. It took me a while to get, and I was warned of side effects, especially for the first month. The warnings were correct, at least for once.

I’m sticking with this medicine; it is proven to be very good for diabetics, and my doctor said I should ride out the side effects; they usually receded after a couple of weeks. I have to suck it up; it won’t kill me, and it may just make me healthier.  There are always risks and costs (and often rewards) for change.

I’m taking my doctor’s advice and staying with it. I’ve been there before and can feel my body adjusting to it.

I went to the food pantry this morning and was dizzy and uncomfortable, but I took photos and wrapped my packages with Maria.  I love doing that work. I’m into wildflower photos today. Maria has been bringing some back from her walk in the woods, and I love the pictures I get from them.

I went to the Dollar Store and bought some sleep apnea mask cleaning wipes for two dollars. I’ve been spending five times that much on Amazon. I also bought cat food for my Amish neighbors; they have a kitten. I let them pay me back for the cat food, but I don’t take money for the food for Tina, one of my favorite dogs in the world. I buy my tissues there now for $1 per box. They are perfect tissues.

I’ve given up on cannabis and am taking Melatonin tablets at night; they are helping me get to sleep and stay there for a while. They are a lot cheaper than cannabis. I’m doing well at figuring out what I need and what I don’t wish to spend.

I’m going slow today; it is a great lift to help stuff packages with food that comes in part from the Army of Good. It gives me perspective.

Today is another critical day; I am taking some time off from my therapy for a few months, and I’m doing very well and feeling almost no anxiety. I want to see if I can do that by myself and if it’s for real. I think so. My life seems to be changing constantly, and I hope I never stop, but I would like to stay still and breathe and soak it all in.

I’ve depended on an excellent therapist for years; it’s time to stand on my own, use what I’ve learned, and see how I deal with it. It’s a big step for me in a considerable time. That’s a massive change for me. Just as Maria did, Peggie saved my life.

The last couple of months have been a turning point for me. I’ve finally come to terms with how to deal with the growing social media hostility, which liberated me from anger; I’m not a fighter anymore.

I’m learning how to handle all the bad news. I have felt no panic for some time, and I greatly appreciate my life with Maria. It is divine to love someone and be loved back. Some days, I feel like I’m living a Taylor Twist song.

And I have no words for my love of photography, excitement over the pictures I take, and my response to them. What a gift for me at this point in my life.

My foot is good, my heart is firm, my Dyslexia is in hand (I got some new editing software created for Dyslexia; it helps and is an asshole killer), and I find my work at the pantry care especially meaningful. The Army Of Good is a miracle.

I don’t waste much time anymore worrying about my life; I like just living it. It’s always possible to change.

Thanks once more for your support and encouragement. It has meant a lot to me.

8 May

Flower Art, Wednesday, May 8, 2024. Experimentation And Imagination. See You Tomorrow.

by Jon Katz

I love ending the long day with some flower art and learning how much these photos mean to people. That was the idea, and it’s working and just getting underway. Maria is in her belly dancing class, which she dearly loves. I’m in my study with a fan blowing on my back. I got up at 3 a.m. this morning, my head spinning and spinning.

I’ll head out into the living room and listen to some music. I’m waiting for Maria to get home so I can make some dinner for her. Otherwise, she would need to remember to eat.

I look forward to seeing you in the morning. There may be more rain, but maybe more sun. Belly dancing helped her discover who she really was.

A soul trip into a flower.

 

Tulip rising

The community of flowers.

 

Soul Search, a Golden Tulip

Emotions. A Reverie

8 May

Potpourri, Dusk, Bedlam Farm. Beauty All Around Me

by Jon Katz

On the way into the farmhouse this afternoon, I passed by three beautiful images. I had been looking for a bird to photograph for an hour. I heard a song above and saw a beautiful bird in the trees. My wildlife lens worked for me.

I was sitting in the apple tree, looking up, and saw a beautiful blossom that was absent yesterday.

 

Maria brought me these beautiful wildflowers from the woods. She knows how much I love wildflowers, and tomorrow, I’ll use my macro lens on them. They look beautiful. It was a very nice walk back to the farmhouse, and I’m glad to share it with you.

8 May

Zip Pictures Of Today: Zip And Me, My New Camera Assistant. Selfies And Photos

by Jon Katz

The day began with heavy rain and ended with a warm sun. It’s like that these days. I went to meet Zip at my usual time—between 4 and 4:30. I never see him, but he appears about 10 seconds after I sit down in the deep Adirondack chair my friend Mosie Miller, my Amish neighbor, built for me two years ago. I got my big wildlife/bird lens for outdoor shots, and I was waiting for a bird to show up to try out the camera outside.

(Above photo by Maria Wulf)

Zip has decided to be my camera assistant. He seems to grasp the idea of the camera—he should; he is in it enough—and curls up in my lap while leaving my camera hands-free. While I waited for birds (they did not come), I scratched and stroked Zip, as usual, and he purred and curled up in my lap. On her way to the barn, Maria was walking by and got the photo above.

The other two are selfies that I took.

The photos capture the reality: Zip watches with me when I point the camera, and I watch with him when he’s thinking of hunting. It’s a partnership of sorts, a new one for me. Some day, I’ll understand more about this creature who landed in my life like a drone from the sky and turned it around.

 


He took a short nap while I waited for the birds.  Then we sat together and watched for his nemesis, the chipmunk on the stone wall. I think he’s figured out the tunnels she uses but hasn’t figured out how to get into them.  He ought to team up with Bud (who is no longer allowed out of his yard; he loves to run off into the woods where some bobcats and coyotes would love to have him for lunch.)

Then, it was Zip’s turn. He stood in my lap and focused on the rock the chipmunk he’s hunting usually pops up in. I think it’s a she, and she’s clever. When she pops up, she looks for Zip, and he spots her. Their eyes lock for the longest time. At some point, he loses his excellence and jumps towards her – she is about 15 away – and vanishes in a flash.

He walks over to the stone wall, stares, and sniffs, but she has built a web of underground tunnels that she doesn’t reappear. I had to return to work, shaking my head about this dog and his impact on my life.

He is some partner and some kind of watch cat.

He never bothers me when I”m pointing a camera or photographing a flower. Our meeting always ends with Zip spotting something he wants to kill and setting off. In between, he is the most affectionate animal I’ve encountered, although I have to be honest. Zinnia is a close tie.

I still don’t know what to make of Zip, but I am grateful to have him as my outdoor photo assistant.

8 May

Bedlam Farm Journal: Enjoying A Few Minutes Of Nothing On A Beautiful Spring Day. Try It Out.

by Jon Katz

I’ve learned that if I can find a moment to sit wherever I am and think quietly, I can enjoy the exquisite pleasure of doing nothing. This is what I did for roughly 20 minutes this afternoon. I listened to the birds overhead and watched the flowers and plants explode in color; I heard my breath, felt my soul, and listened to the beat of my heart.

It feels incredible to do that; I wouldn’t dream of it for most of my life, but now I dream of it often.

I had to work hard to learn not to be distracted or carried away by the news, worries, money, bills,  projects, or obligations.

Not even my blog. I do bring my camera, as you can see.

I sat in the chair in the back with Zip and considered that I was alive and healthy enough to take 20 minutes and do nothing but sit and listen to the world. This is one of my most healing, nourishing, and peaceful things.  Zip is becoming a good companion for doing nothing. Zinnia was born knowing how to do it.

 

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