“Jon, keep seeking out new paths to follow as you are an example to all of us to look ahead,”
– Kathy. Thanks, Kathy, that means a lot to me.
____________
I can’t look at or listen to the news anymore without hearing an alarm about the future or being alarmed about what I hear.
That is not how I intend to spend the rest of my life, or even a day or two.
Climate change and politics have given me a significant challenge: Can I contemplate a future without fear? Being anxious or alarmed constantly is not healthy.
I believe I have a right to be happy, so I am stepping up my ability to stay calm and face the future with clarity, honesty, and a determination to live it meaningfully and peacefully—yes, calmly is the word I use the most. I have less time than more, but I intend to use it well.
And yes, I am getting where I want to be, and it’s a good place.
For me, the first step was acceptance—I can’t change the future, know what it will bring, or change anything about the past. What a waste of time and energy.
That means I have to accept the reality of our lives, which means there will be a lot of chaos, anger, and conflict ahead. Nature, our traditions, and cruelty pose a daily threat to our way of life or peace of mind. It seems lie a tough choice; we can either take the ostrich route or take a deep breath and lose sleep, absorbing what we hear, regret, and fear.
But it isn’t the only choice.
This is not confined to one side or the other. It is just as unnerving to hate and argue as it is to identify or tremble. In such a troubled place, there is no such thing as a winner and a loser; we are losers regarding calm and grievance. Resentment and hatred don’t work.
I’m what shrinks call a hyper-person. I never thought about being calm, and I rarely was. I am calm much of the time now and happy, two things I never thought I would be.
I credit Maria with much of that calm and my continuing and disciplined spiritual work, which I have been doing for more than a decade now, starting with one of my first books, Running To The Mountain, and the writings of Thomas Merton. Leaving my everyday life behind behind was one of my life’s most difficult and painful decisions, but it was also one of the best.
I do not believe in telling others what to do, but I think, as promised when the blog was first published more than a decade ago, that I should share anything valuable or essential in my life. I’ve kept my word on that, and this itself has been grounded and calming.
This grinding understanding has been good in many ways—I am stronger, wiser, less angry, and deeply committed to helping others. That is sitting, healing, and grounding for me.
For many years, like most people, I either didn’t plan realistically or at all, or I got nearly swallowed up in obsessive worry and anxiety about the future and its particular uncertainty. Decades of therapy finally got through.
I’ve learned that the spiritual gurus, male and female, agree on this:
I need to be and live insofar as possible in the present moment. And it is possible; it just takes work, thought, and discipline.
Through meditation, thought, or practice, and now habit, I can plan for the future in a much healthier (and, yes, calming) way. There is no use, reward, or benefit for drowning in fear of the future.
As I have learned and am learning to ground myself in the present moment and take care of the present time as best as possible, I am automatically learning how to think about the future.
Living in the present does not require hiding, planning, or making plans. It does help me think, stay peaceful, meditate in peace, and be steady, thoughtful, realistic, and accepting.
I have also studied and adopted the idea of Radical Acceptance. I accept life in all its triumphs, disappointments, pain, joy, and suffering. I don’t mourn dogs that die. I accept death as a close friend and go get another dog to love. That lesson is profoundly calming for me in many ways.
Considering the past and the future is much the same thing. The practice of mindfulness—living in the moment—does not forbid looking deeply into the past.
Drowning in regret, grievance, sorrow, and anger about the past does no more good than obsessing over the future. Those who see revenge, grievance, and anger as a path to happiness and calm must learn their lessons, as I had to know mine. Nobody but me could talk me into change. Calm comes from learning to look inside and face reality, not hurting or frightening others.
The best way to deal with the past is to learn from my mistakes, stumble, and return to the present.
I have a close friend who suffers, and I am trying to help him. He asked for help, and I wanted to tell him that he lives on safe ground. He tears himself to pieces on things he can’t change or predict.
Right now, everything is okay, everything is good. Don’t tear yourself apart about the future. Stay away from the past. Both are ghostly sinkholes. They are only spaces to cross, geographies and pictures, not reality. We are free.
And I believe it because I am doing it. That, for me, is the practice of mindfulness. That, for me, is the path to calm.
