Message to me this morning from Sarah: Jon, there are times when you can hear the criticism of others and spend your time drafting a coherent, polite, and well-thought-out response, and there are others when you can levy the written equivalent of an extended middle finger. I’ve long thought that you find the delicate balance between the two. I’m sorry you have to deal with these trolls. I’m blessed to read your responses. I’m not sure to what extent simply ignoring them is practical, but you put air in their sails when you give them the time of day. They are not worthy of you. Less on them, more on that debonair kitty cat 🙂 Thank you for putting up with those folks and continuing to bless us with your voice.
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“Arrogance and stupidity are a deadly combination.” – Stephen Cooper. “Humility is a virtue of the heavenly, not arrogance. ” Suzy Kassen.
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In recent days, I’ve received a much-appreciated wave of thoughtful, intelligent, and courteous messages, the way messages on social media were meant to be and should be. Sarah’s message was one of them. I love those on my blog comments, and there are more and more every day. Sarah’s message stimulated me and made me think. It’s the kind of message that deserves and demands a response.
My blog has always discussed online cruelty and dishonesty because I have strong feelings about them. If no one objects to them, how can they ever stop? If we objected at the beginning of this new and often cold culture, cruelty and lying could be slowed or stopped.
As a Dyslexic and emotionally disturbed child, I was for years the target of bullies and the cruelty that was endemic in the poor neighborhood public schools of Providence where I grew up and the cruelty and abuse that marked life in my family. It destroyed my sister and left me unable to communicate with my brother, both of whom are out of my life. It damaged me.
Sarah, you are very worthy of a response. I’ll try to tell you how I feel. Thanks again for your message; it was so much truth and sensitivity.
I don’t want my blog to be a part of the disheartening division, hatred, anger, and dishonesty that is marking this time in our country. The people we are talking about are not trolls. Trolls are broken and emotionally disturbed people who are trying to gain or regain power and hurt by attacking people they don’t know. I never respond to trolls or pay much attention to them; there is no justice or point to attacking the mentally broken or ill. And conversation is never an option.
The people I respond to are not trolls. The nastiest are educated, have jobs, families, and friends, and know the difference between lying and viciousness. A lot are academics, to my surprise. Colleges seem to teach arrogance, not the humility of learning.
Many of them are young and reek of arrogance, even while supposedly learning. They have grown up in a society where lying and cruelty are not sins or dishonorable, and they have grown lazy because of the lack of challenge, disapproval, or cruelty. For me, humility is the path to learning and intelligence. I have learned much more from my many mistakes than I ever learned at school. It’s curious; I often find myself urging children and many adults to get some manners and come back. Most have no idea what manners are.
For all of my troubles, and perhaps because of them, if I hate anything, I hate liars, bullies, or people who have rejected the cornerstone values I believe in. Humanity has been celebrating and teaching for eons lying is wrong, cruelty is terrible, and laziness is a waste of mind. Our country, one a miracle to the world, is just another big and greedy corporation, a kingdom run by billionaires.
The people who answer on my blog are not much different from the politicians “leading” our country, red and blue. We laugh off lying. Well, it isn’t what we think or don’t matter; all that matters is what it costs to live in America. Lying—at all levels of our society, from corporations to Congress—is what we do when necessary and as a habit. In our public life and online, there is no such thing as shame, apology, or dishonor. Lying is admired, not challenged.
Because I am getting older, I have different values. I cling to them and fight for them in my way. They matter to me. For years, I’ve been told to ignore people who lie or are cruel. Most of the time, I do. I pick my shots and only answer questions when I think they might be helpful to the millions of people who face this abuse and do not have the background or platform to respond.
I have that platform, and I speak to them on their behalf because I know what bullies and cowards do when they are not challenged. They get worse, and truth and decency are in danger of dying altogether.
I don’t want to be fighting all the time; it’s not who I am.
But I believe in honesty, decency, and kindness; that is who I am. If nobody ever challenges the dishonest and cruel, honesty and compassion will wither and even die. I hope that responding will protect my dignity and that the many other people in America who now face and experience lying, cruelty, and fear will respond. I have no illusions about stopping lying or cruelty; I sleep better when I fight back.
I respond only to people who lie and are cruel, but I also know that most are arrogant and cowardly. When challenged, they run and hide and disappear. I never hear from them again, which tells me they are not Trolls who live for being attacked.
Some good comes of that.
The blog is a sanctuary, not a backfield, and I will keep it that way. This is not about politics but morality.
But now and then, I must challenge this collapse of morality and kindness.
When liars and cruel people come after me, Sarah describes how I will challenge them, hopefully coherently and thoughtfully. Once in a while, I’ll get pushed over the line as she calls giving them the finger. I am sorry for that and am working on doing better. It does make me feel better. I see every flap as a win for truth.
So, thanks for writing your message, Sarah; it is helpful and appreciated.
