Bedlam Farm Blog Journal by Jon Katz

20 January

Me, Mozart, And His Musical Starling (He’s Our Bird Seed Thief)

by Jon Katz

A blog reader reminded me of the excellent book “Mozart’s Starling” by Lyanda Lynn Haupt (I bought it some time ago and lost it somewhere)

It’s one of those books that gives us a window into creativity and the human-animal friendship. As some of you know, I’ve made friends (sort of) with a pushy, curious, and highly bright bird called a Starling. I’m loving it.

The starling has minor status in the bird world. It was brought into the country in the 1850s and is considered an unwanted pest without protection. It’s illegal to own a Starling but not to kill one.

Garden and flower lovers seethe at the mention (as I’ve learned) of this bird; he is seen as a marauding thief who will still eat food from smaller birds and even steal their next.

Every morning, I sit and meditate in my window. My Starling (I’m calling him Pincus) lands just outside my window, stares at me, chases the finches away from the feeder, and steals their food. Like Mozart himself, we seem to be friends. He always takes a good, long look at me. This morning, the window was heavily frosted, which made for a beautiful photograph, but we made contact with it anyway.

Although bird lovers dislike these birds, they seem to love people when given the chance and love to copy their voices and songs.

I can picture that while I’m writing or meditating.

I fantasized about getting a substantial cage and raising a Starling, which is said to be brighter than Parrots and even better mimics. My wife was wisely disinterested. I’m sure it’s illegal, but nobody seems to care.

I was up late reading the story of Mozart and his Starling. I can’t beat this for storytelling:

As Lyanda Lynn Haupt tells it in her excellent book, on April 12, 1784, Mozart had just completed the famous Piana Concerto No. 17 in G and decided to walk. His stockings pooled in wrinkles around his ankles, and as he paused to tuck the thin skin under his buttoned cuffs, he was startled by a whistled tune. It sounded familiar. He followed the song. The whistles repeated, leading him down the block and through a bird vendor’s open door.

“Just inside,” writes Haupt, “Mozart was greeted by a caged starling who jumped to the edge of his perch, cocked his head, and stared intently into the maestro’s eyes, chirping warmth. The bird was flirting. Then the Starling did it again.” 

According to Mozart’s detailed account, the “bird turned its head away from the composer, pointed its bill skyward, fluffed its shimmering throat feathers, and sanded the themes from the allegretto in Mozart’s new concerto, completed just one month earlier and never performed publicly. The Starling, noted Mozart, made a minor rhythmic modification (a dramatic fermata at the beginning of the phrase) and raised the last two Gs in the G-sharp fragment, but the basic motif was unmistakable.

Mozart took the Starling home and named him Bird Star. He lived happily and peacefully in Mozart’s home until his death.

Life is wondrous and mysterious, and I often think about it. Mozart and I have nothing in common, but hundreds of years ago, he was walking down the street and meeting a Starling who flirted with him and mimicked his music.

And here I am centuries later, coming inside on a frigid day and sitting beneath a bird feeder in my Bird Meditation chair with camera in hand. Suddenly, the notorious and much-reviled Starlying pops up in the window and seems to flirt with me.

Maria says we won’t get a pet Starling. But did I say life was mysterious?

I never expected to have two donkeys, either. It made no sense, I told myself.

 

 

 

19 January

Flower Art, Sunday, January 19, 2025. Sometimes It Seems The Flowers Are Looking At Me. An Invited Guest, My Partner

by Jon Katz

Zip is a flower of sorts; he gets his face into every picture he can, and he is a flower of sorts. Georgia O’Keeffe would not have liked him nosing around.

Bud always manages to get into the photo. He’s a publicity hog, and he’s an invited guest.

Heart of a flower.

Eyes of a flower.

Calla beauty.

19 January

Counting My Days: The Wisdom Of Widows, The Meaning Of True Love, And The Power Of Openness

by Jon Katz

 

To know how to grow old is the master work of wisdom and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.”

— Henrie Frederic, Swiss Philosopher.

__________

 

I’ll call her Margery. I can hardly write about the gift she and Maria gave me; it is difficult. My father would have been horrified. It is time to talk about the impossible,   my bladder, with my wife.

She wrote me a beautiful message about a column after I wrote about the importance of talking with Maria about when I will die and leaving her alone on this raucous but wonderful farm.

I know from my female friends that men just never wanted to talk about it.

I do need to talk about it. I can’t do it well all alone. I think Maria needs to be prepared for my death. This is the last significant period of my human growth and spiritual development, and I intend to get it right.

 

 

Margery’s message was almost eerily timely.

She didn’t know it, but I was uncomfortable, ashamed, and frustrated about a problem I was having. A former bet wetter, I am increasingly susceptible to bladder issues, which, I am learning, are common among men my age.

There is nothing spiritual, I thought, about running to the bathroom. Boy, was I wrong.  I am determined not to live with my eyes closed and with my soul open. Easier said than done.

Margery wrote eloquently about the value of her talks with her husband, Tim. “My friends have a much rougher time than I do, and I can’t think they suffered greatly when their husbands died without saying a word about dying. “It came as such a shock,” she said, “they had no time to prepare.”

Margery said she and her husband Tim decided dealing with death was something she wanted them to do together. He’s happy they did. Still, she said, there were things the two of them could never talk about. And a man’s bladder is one of those things.

___

One of my most enjoyable and touching friends tends to be an intelligent and articulate woman who has read my blog from the beginning.

That’s Margery.

She is a widow, and like other long-time readers of my blog, these women know the good and bad about me. She has watched me come to terms with love, aging, and the need to be open and honest about both.

They identify with me and relate to my relationship with Maria.  They have watched quietly and often with some disappointment as I learned how to make the blog meaningful. They tend to think I’m getting there, although they all know not to try to tell me what to write. They do not give unwanted advice.

They all said the same thing: they were so grateful they and their husbands had talked about death.

Now, to me and my secret.

I had some serious talking to do with myself, mostly in meditation. My father scolded and lectured me every night about my bed wetting, but he never once sat down to talk with me about it or took me to a doctor or therapist.

He was ashamed to have a bedwetter for a son rather than a baseball star or football hero. He worried I wouldn’t be enough of a “man” or a man. In all of my working life, I never heard a male discuss bladder or urinary problems, not at any age. I would never have dreamed of bringing it up.

Whenever I thought about it, I thought I would never, never wear diapers or other devices for aging men or talk about the problems I was suddenly having.

Even here, I squirm at the words:  I’ve started having some urgent urinary issues and sometimes can’t even make it to the bathroom in time. This has brought back the horrible moments of my childhood and the awful emotional crippling of men.

I know few doctors who will or can help with urgent urinary problems. I accept that I am committed to fewer medicines at this point in life.

In my life, I have always hidden or denied my worst fears and problems. The funny thing is once I acknowledge them and say them out loud; I become a warrior—the kind of kid my dad always wanted. I face my problems, determined to fix them. My determination almost always overcomes my anxiety.

 

 

Last night, after reading Margery’s message and thinking of Tim, her husband (he had emailed me once in a while), I looked at Maria and said, “Honey, I need to talk to you about something. I’m having bladder problems, and sometimes they get messy, and I think I need your help dealing with them openly and intelligently.”

For me, aging is about change as much as anything, and if I can’t change, that will make it awful and pitiful.

Maria is excellent in many ways, one of which is that there is nothing I can’t say to her without regret. Women have extensive experience taking care of their bodies.

On Amazon, I found hundreds of dollars worth of unique shields, patches, wraps,  clothes, patches, stickers, and underwear and was ready to buy one or more; this subject was eating me alive talking about it. I couldn’t sort it out. Maria did.

My weakness has always been grabbing more than I need, fearing it will disappear before I can get more.

While I squirmed and muttered, Maria gave me a bunch of ideas that she knew of, short of diapers, that could help me deal with the problem and feel better. I dodged and squirmed for a bit. What would she think of a husband needing help with his bladder? Would she ever want to have sex with me again?

I wondered.

Women do know much more about these things than men. I hope they get to take control over the earth before men destroy it entirely.

We were driving right by a Dollar Store. She pulled over,  left me in the car, went in, and returned with $2 worth of a simple, comfortable solution—so simple that I never would have thought about it or bought it.

She took it out of the package and showed me how easy it was to use (no diapers). This afternoon, I am clicking away, calmer, more careful, and safer than I have been in a long while.

Talk openly and honestly; there are no secrets in old aging. Maria knew from the minute I opened my mouth that something was troubling me and what it was.

This was an awful problem, but it’s no longer a problem because we discussed it. That is what love is about.

She talked calmly and warmly to me about what I was saying.  She laughed off my discomfort. “I don’t love you for how you look or how you go to the bathroom,” she said.

I love you for who you are. Back atcha.

 

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