For much of my life, my relationship with animals has been transactional. My first Labs came up with me to the mountain to share my spiritual transformation and keep me company. Rose and Red and my wonderful border collies helped me survive on a farm. I could not have done my hospice and therapy work without them.

It’s different now. I saw it clearly with Zip and now with other animals—my spider friend and this morning with Merricat, an ewe I have never touched or gotten close to.

I got up early in my bathrobe before showering because the mist or the sun—among my favorite photo shots—is still strong and beautiful. Once it gets up, the fog lifts and the light becomes more literal.

I was standing near the barn when Merricat came up to me. I reached out and began scratching her nose on impulse. This is the first time I’ve done that. The sheep and I were always skeptical of the dogs (border collies don’t like their humans to get too close to sheep). I just reached over, and she seemed to love it. I stood still while I touched her, something I rarely, if ever, have done with sheep.

Merricat had never let me get that close before, and here I was, touching her and rubbing her nose. Go figure. I was amazed, as usual. It felt beautiful to me. I was happy and warm and sad all at once. I think I was sad because it took me so long to get there, but I was happy because I was getting there.I have them the work of keeping loneliness away in my year on that mountain.

Something inside of me is opening up, in part because of living with Maria for more than a decade and seeing her unique connection with animals, partly because of my relentless and continuing spiritual work, which is opening my heart up to life, partially because of getting older (we all get older, but how we do it is a choice) and partly because it is in my heart, something – like photography – which has always been there, but which was all locked up.

To my surprise, there are powerful emotions inside me, surfacing without any conscious help.

This photograph Maria took this morning – I wasn’t aware of it – touched me.

People tell me I’m different, but I don’t believe that is possible. We cannot be someone else but be different, change, and learn how to feel. I think love can do that to us; I can tell when a man or woman has never known authentic love – just look at the news.

Thanks for sharing this journey with me. The blog challenged me to be honest and authentic, and the animals taught me what it means to have a heart. The spider. Zip. Red. Zinnia.  Fate, too, and I are having our own Czechoslovakian Spring.

It’s beautiful to see her working and showing off her fantastic athletic skills, even if it isn’t what I wanted. The photos speak for themselves, as they so often do—and sometimes, they speak for me.

Now merricat.

Yesterday, we visited our friend Cindy Casavan, whose goats just had babies. Maria was in heaven.