One of the many things I learned in my meditations and voracious reading of monks, early Christian writers and prophets, Buddhist Monks, and monastics is that fear of the unexpected frightens people the most. That’s one reason believing in God can be so comforting – he’s responsible for everything.

A friend of mine was telling me his story of cataract surgery – people love to tell their surgery stories –  and while he said it went well, he also said the whole process was not what he expected (he was terrified).

I laughed and said that I had learned in my life that nothing I had ever expected was what happened.

For me, the one constant in life is being surprised.

Once I accepted that, I started to accept and value the unexpected – that was when I woke up and came to life, learned things about myself and others, and grew more grounded and confident.

When I wasn’t afraid of a million things I couldn’t control, I chose to look for grace and meaning in how I dealt with the unexpected rather than fear it all the time. I’m bored with fear and worry; it never helps.

I also figured out that no one—not even a God—can know in advance what trouble, surprises, victories, tragedies, and misfortunes will happen to everyone, including me and the people I care about.

The Buddhists call this being “awake,” and I call it being “self-aware,” but I suspect both are the same thing. I sometimes devide the world into people who are self aware and people who are not.

I am learning to live deeply every minute of my life, treating as many people as possible with gentleness and empathy; it is a hard lesson for me but very rewarding.

I make it a point to do good to people who need some good in their lives—small acts of great kindness, I call them. I sometimes fail to be gentle, but I never fail to do some good. Need is one thing that is always easy to find and never dies. Doing good is an attitude, a way of life.

People like me who live this way have nothing to regret when something unexpected happens to us. I think this is because we are in touch with life and its wonders, miracles, and surprises, good or bad, with reality, not expectations. When a dog I love dies, the first thing I ask myself is “what did you expect?”

In some ways, I am coming to love the unexpected because it always leaves me wiser, stronger, and more resourceful. I have to pay attention. One day, I will keel over and die. I’m ready. I love my life, but the world is ready for young blood with new ideas. My time is almost up, much as I love it.

I’m learning to heal my wounds rather than take them out on others.

I am growing more robust and more peaceful every day. Health has very little to do with age; dying is just about life, we all will experience it, and unlike most surprises, I can never say any longer that I will be surprised by my life now or how it will end.

(Note: the photo above is of a Cally Lilly, one of the first flower photographs I loved and one of the first flowers I misspelled. Thanks, Calla Lily.)