When I was young, I didn’t give a thought to being old or dying.
Now that I’m getting old, I can’t entirely escape the experience of getting older and thinking about it.
There are things I can’t control – our bodies, death, declining energy (I could not for a second be President Of The United States), and things I can control.
One of them is how I see myself and feel about aging gracefully. I am what I am, as Popeye often said, and I accept who I am and what I look like. I know I’m going to die one day, sooner rather than later, and I’m okay with it; sad sometimes but respectful of life.
That means accepting all that life brings me, the good and the bad. I thought that one of my toes was getting chopped up this morning.
My flowers have changed my perspective along with age and meditation.
I see that the seeds of negativity are always there in me, in the news, online, with my friends, and everywhere I go. But there is something big that I do control: the positive seeds, the seeds of compassion, tolerance, acceptance, creativity, and love.
Those seeds all live and grow in my soil and soul, but without some rain and fertilizer, they can’t grow. They need my love and attendance, as any seed or flower does.
Part of my practice now is to recognize the positive thoughts in me and give them color, light, and sustenance.
I can’t control what happens to me, but how I feel about it is up to me.
(Two wonderful and caring nurses took good care of me this morning. They make such a difference.)
Another day, another surgery, another opportunity to get better, feel good, and live longer and healthier. As the work on my foot continues – we’ll know in a week if the operation was successful when Dr. Daly unwraps the bandages.
I refuse to whine, complain, or engage in old talk; I will not speak poorly of my life; I know now that it is listening.
I’ve liked the seed analogy lately. If I recognize the good things inside of me – love, creativity, and compassion – then the work I need to do is to nourish and acknowledge those things every day. And do the good I can for as long as I can.
My foot has been an epic challenge as I grow up and age. I’m very grateful to be walking around again (not this week, I’m afraid. The surgical boot is back on. But nobody has bothered with my writing hands. Maria loves me anyway.)
Here’s my seed of the day. My life is not ending in the most important ways; it’s just getting started.
I’m home, at peace, feeling strong and eager for the rest of today and tomorrow. My seeds are in my hands, nobody else’s, and I agree with Grandma Moses: my life is what I make of it.
I have no one to blame but me.
Jon, you seem to have a renewed passion for life. Your writings reflect that. There’s an Arthur Pinero quote I like regarding age; Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. I think this suits you. (Hopefully you’ll be with us a long time.) Glad you’re home and the surgery went well!
Thanks, Barbara, what a lovely message; I thank you for it. I think it’s true. I feel younger even as I grow older…Life is way too short to waste it on worrying and hatred.
This post struck a chord in me, Jon, as so many of your posts do. I, too, see the change in you and your writing once you decided to turn and keep your gaze on what you love. So many ways to say this truth seed – life is what you make it, you find what you look for, you can roll around heaven or roll around hell. I try to remember those who’ve gone before me, whose lives were surely reason enough to complain, yet they looked for and found the good. Maybe that is why pain is an inevitable part of life – it teaches us. Ugh, I wish that weren’t true, and yet it is.