My father taught me that only men who are “sissies” admit to being sensitive or vulnerable. I admit to being both, although I can also be strong and determined. Men are taught not to appear weak or vulnerable; people will always take advantage of that, or so I am told.

When I am hurt, I strike back, or at least I used to do until I figured out that striking back is pointless and makes me weaker, not stronger.

I often think in a way that makes us angrier and want to retaliate, which never accomplished a single good thing in my life.

Here’s what I do when I am hurt. Take what you want and leave the rest.

(Photo. Feeding animals old apples and vegetables, our co-op gives us boxes of them for our animals.)

First, I back away, and I try to calm myself.

For me, quiet meditation, deep breathing, or going to a silent place works best. I don’t want to live with anger, and once I realize that, it begins to recede. This, I learned recently, touches my compassion and understanding and gives me a peaceful mind.

In a way, I am slowly becoming who I want to be. It just takes work, patience, and faith.

This helps me to see that the other person, the one who hurt me, also suffers, and when I see that, my anger dissipates. Healthy and happy people don’t send angry messages; people who respond in anger are neither wholesome nor happy. It helps me to see them in that way.

When I am thinking, I don’t engage; I go inside. In our digitally connected world, it’s straightforward to hurt if I’m not careful. People get caught in the thorns of anger and revenge. I am learning to be cautious.

In the final analysis, I am the problem, not the angry people who roam the digital landscape. My choice and opportunity is to be better than that.

In my meditation, I ask myself to consider who I am and wish to be. That silences me and humbles me. That’s the work I need to do, fighting back to hurt someone else. It’s working for me more than I expected. Humility is a powerful tool. So is compassion.