I knew there was something different about Zip. Now we know the awful truth.

A dozen right-wing media outlets are reporting today that our unusual new cat Zip is a secret Joe Biden operative; he is a psy op dark Web A1 re-creation of Taylor Swift, also known as a spy called Ninga, or perhaps a cat called Benjamin Button.

That’s why Taylor Swift saw him at our farm this morning.

Swift came to meet Zip and eat some of our great 8-seed bread from Covered Bridge Bread. I just thought she was a wildly famous pop star. But now, she is more. She is a new Moonraker, a la James Bond,  plotting to take over the world. Her partner is Zip. I offered her a bar of soap I made yesterday, but she said she didn’t need it.

I knew he was different but never thought he came out of a quickly degenerating country’s darkest, mad digital corners.

Fox News is leading the charge, has bought all of it, and is reporting this looming Swift-planned political Armageddon every night. Last week, a Fox News anchor begged viewers not to believe anything Taylor Swift ever said, including the name of her new album or anything about Joe Biden; The Tortured Poets Department. Aha! Welcome to La-La land.

Who does she think she is kidding? Take a look.

Then, run to Costa Rica and hide. It’s Stupid Time In America. Perhaps the Internet wasn’t such a great idea after all.

I should have suspected something with Zip. He’s just too cute, too bright, too different. He flipped me in seconds.

Zip was always a different cat; he came out of nowhere and is exotically photogenic, intelligent, and determined, even for a cat. I no longer believe he is a cat; stop worrying about him.

The conspiracy sleuths studied photos of both Zip and Swift and insisted that Zip and  Taylor Swift looked just like one another. Just glance at this dark web photo.

Where did he come from? What does he want?

How smart and devious to plot the overthrow of the President from an out-of-the-way and quiet farm in remote upstate New York. Everybody loves donkeys. And Super Bowl champions. It figures once you read behind the lines.

I thought she came to the farm to visit with me and Maria this morning and maybe buy one of our mystery books or novels on sale.

Nobody suspected a thing until Fox News broke the story along with a sister network called “Impeach Everyone, and hate everyone else: Be a Republican Congressperson).

Instead, she locked herself up in the barn with Zip for a long time; you could hear the purring of the farmhouse. They were plotting!

Zip knew what he was doing. Swift, who dared to endorse Joe Biden and other Democratic candidates in 2020, has scared the Jesus out of those hard-ass brutal guy warriors of MAGA.

There is no fooling them; it seems Swift isn’t even real but a 3D or A1 representation of a wildly popular singer and songwriter and hidden Democratic pervert. Now they are picking on cats, of all things. It’s a nasty political move if you ask me. Cat people are tough as nails.

 

It doesn’t get any darker than this, but the secret of Bedlam Farm is out. When Taylor stopped by to join us for breakfast today, I thought Zip liked her too much. Swift is a notorious cat lover; she just wanted to come by, she claimed, to urge me to let Zip sleep in the bedroom on cold nights.

I agreed with her instantly; she’s impressive. Zip finally got in (I thought someone was using my computer all night.)

The proof:

Just look at the dark eyes of Swift and compare them to Zip, and you can see something eerie going on here. They are brother and sister. I never noticed the two of them together here; they were always out of sight.

First, the alleged Taylor Swift (a/k/a) Zip or Zippidoodle, as he is known in the other secret world, is a notorious cat lover, which we never knew was suspicious.

I always thought cat people were a little strange, but I’m just coming to love them. I never seem to get on the right track at the right time.

Swift has a long and well-documented love for her cats.

Being a cat is the perfect cover for her, and so is being Zip.

The so-called “Blank Space” singer is the very proud owner of three cats, including Scottish Folds named Olivia Benson and Meredith Grey, and a Ragdoll cat named Benjamin Button.

In a mass secret plot, it seems the cats are not cats but “woke zombies” who fled Florida and Texas to plot the next revolution, scheduled after Swift’s plot to endorse Joe Biden.

The teachers were caught reading a book by Toni  Morrison in a school toilet. Governor DeSantis and his secret police squad are looking for them both.

The woke cats, it turns out,  were only pretending to be friendly and sleepy. They were scheming.

Zip, it seems, was culled and nourished from the dark world of the Democratic Party,  home of pedophiles, progressives,  vaccine zombies (ugh! Liberals), and the school teachers chased into hiding for having taught young children that slavery was terrible and gay people are out to turn girls into boys into girls again.

The evidence is so convincing when you look at it. Swift’s boyfriend is Travis Kelce, a NFL player from the dark side.

Since Taylor has 280 million followers on Instagram, it has been reported – repeatedly – that she is a child of the devil, and also another devil, two-time Super Bowl Champion named Travis Kelce, a/k/a Benjamin Button.

Benjamin Button is the name of a notorious actor plotting to corrupt all the political voting software in America. As reported almost daily for weeks by Fox News, Swift (a/k/a her cat, Benjamin Button and the wily Zipster) is attempting to control American politics while using the Super Bowl as a cover.

The first wave in the plot is several NFL photos of Swift traveling the country to support Travis (a/k/a Meredith Grey), appearing in private boxes to watch the games.  

According to Fox News, the couple has been plotting their liberal leanings as a way of brainwashing gullible (female) fans and notoriously stupid, chicken-guzzling, and raw male NFL fans.

This makes perfect sense to the elected leaders of the Republican Party. I’m still trying to work it out.

The story broke open recently when Donald Trump’s favorite (other than himself) Presidential  Candidate, Vivek Ramaswamy, posted this on the nation’s favorite hate website X: “Thinking about when Taylor Swift called out the Soros family in 2019 for buying the rights to her music and then how she came out a super liberal in 2020. “Just some wild speculation over here. Let’s see how it ages over the next eight months. ”

Ramaswamy is way too smart to be fooled. Perhaps he learned that the actual name of Democratic Donor  George Soros (the Republican Party’s favorite evil Jew) is Olivia Benson.

The Internet, reports Rolling Stone Magazine, is exploding with theories that the Super Bowl is not a national football game but a “newly discovered “election interference psyop and the Super Bowl itself is “totally scripted: to elect Joe Biden. World War III will then follow, goes the buzz, the Superbowl leading into a 2nd Biden term, and “millions will die” in the civil war that follows.

Zip, Zipdoodle, Zipski, Zipadog, how would you slip into our lives and use our little farm as a secret base to hide your identity and plot here? The donkeys will be ashamed. On the other hand, 180 million followers is a lot of donations. That would fund a hundred new septic tanks.

As an author, here is my favorite newly uncovered plot to prove a Swift/Zip overthrow of the government:

Swifty-obsessed MAGA internet lovers theorize that Swift may be behind the spy comedy movie Argylle.

The film’s production company claims that the movie is an adaptation of the thriller by a mysterious writer named Elly Conway. It turns out that Elly Conway is the name of the fictional author in the movie (played by Bryce Dallas Howard), who has written many spy novels. Many people believe there is no Conway, but his Instagram is suddenly active. Many of her followers believe that she is Taylor Swift, getting ready to rally her Army of followers planning to elect Joe Biden.

How would this all work out? Hmm..I’ll get back to you.

(Rats, I feel like a loser. Not only have I been betrayed by a Tuxedo cat with green eyes, but my book-writing career seems boring and irrelevant. All I did was write a few memoirs about life in the country and my life with dogs. Nobody ever accused me of doing anything but being a little crazy.

I now have a cat whose real identity is false and who perhaps uses my farm as a staging area for a revolution.

The good news is that my blog will take off like a rocket if this is all true.

And I’m saving the real story to the end. Zip is a messenger who comes to plot with me. I AM Taylor Smith, a lumbering and bald 76-year-old man with a bad foot and heart disease.

I am the best imaginable cover for Swift, who can walk the farm every day forever without being spotted. Sorry if I’ve misled you all.

The other big news is that this year, I might watch the Super Bowl with a bunch of paranoid and puzzled dads who don’t care who Taylor Swift is; they want to see some football people knocked on their asses by 400 lb giants of color. Politics is pretty wild now. And they believe every single thing Fox News says.

Stay tuned; Zip denies all and insists he isn’t going anywhere. He did ask if there is room for tanks in the back pasture and would be mind having tanks on the farm. It’s a Super Bowl game thing, he insists.

I want to write more, but I’m secretly at work on my new album and trying on a slinky dress for a concert appearance.

(Note: I’m sure most of you will get this as satire, but times being what they are, I need to mention that this is not true; it’s a satire of our all too strange world, and there is a lot of daunting truth in it Don’t Bet On Everyone Knowing it’s crazy talk. This is America The Stupid)