We all know that the wonders of life are always here, writes Thich Nhat Hanh, “the blue sky, the white cloud, the beautiful river, the rain, the flowers, the birds, the trees, the children.”
Hanh calls this idealized world, this dream, and fantasy, the “Pure Land.”
There is a tendency to believe that this “pure” land is full of misery, says Hanh, and I sometimes dream of being somewhere without suffering.
Isn’t that the goal of the compassionate human being? Hanh and respected spiritualists say their definition of a pure land is not a place where there is no suffering because suffering and happiness are one thing, not separate things.
That’s true for me. My great happiness has been born almost directly out of my suffering. I believe that pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice. So is being happy. I do have some control over both. I know I can change; I’ve been changing for 20 years or more, and the work is not nearly done.
I like Hanh’s idea of suffering and happiness being intertwined.
He says happiness can only be recognized against the background of suffering. Without suffering as a contrast, it is almost impossible to recognize happiness or feel it deeply.
I find happiness impossible when I don’t embrace and have understanding and compassion. And I too often have trouble doing both. The more compassionate I feel, the happier I am. That’s a big deal for me.
I am learning that the definition of a happy person is quite simple: a human being who is compassionate and understanding. It isn’t as hard as I thought.
Without working to embrace those values, I had trouble relating to anyone. The more I expanded this spiritual direction, the more I had difficulty relating to many people.
If I can, I see the importance of speaking kindly and gently to others, even those who hate me. It’s a struggle for me. I grew up as a warrior, fighting for every inch of space that I occupied. I’m not sure how to let go of that. I believe it’s one of the reasons I’m alive.
The idea of mindfulness has helped me: mindfulness means living in the present moment. Essentially, it means being (intentionally) more aware and awake to each moment and being fully engaged in what is happening in my surroundings – with acceptance and without judgment. Giving up judgment makes compassion a lot easier.
I’m not there yet, of course. I may never get there or live long enough to get there. But I benefit from trying, seeking, thinking, and learning to live in the moment. The more empathy I feel, the less anger, disappointment, and fear. Those are the things that make us hateful. I don’t need to be a saint, blessedly, I need to be a better human.
“Please observe and look around you,” suggests Hanh, “and you will see that very well: the person full of understanding and compassion does not suffer; they are happy.” To see evidence of this, watch the news for a few minutes and consider the people and their hatred and rage. They seem to have no idea about compassion or understanding.
I see these emotions as a flower or a crop that needs attention and care. Happiness is, I am discovering, related to compassion.
If compassion isn’t there, it’s almost impossible for me or anyone I know to nurture, cultivate, and “plant and grow” compassion.
When I imagine a place without suffering, a pure land, how would people like me or anyone else get the chance to learn and develop their understanding of different lives and know how to be forgiving and compassionate of others?
People are unhappy when I fight back or argue with the world’s many busybodies and broken people.
But a spiritual direction does not require me to be a saint, and I have no desire to be one. This notion makes it difficult for people like me to seek and embrace spirituality. I will get angry at times, and I will argue and feel hurt and resentful. I am a human being, a man, that doesn’t often come naturally.
I want to be a human being learning how to feel compassion for people who are angry and lie about me. I was raised to be honest and to fight back. I’m getting better all the time, but I’m not there. I have no ambition to reach sainthood; I want to be a better human.
It was Abraham Lincoln who said “People are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” We all need to find our own happiness in this life. We have so much to be grateful for. Read your blog (and Maria’s) every day. Feel like you’re part of my family. I know you two better than I know some of my real family. Thanks for the great posts.
Compassion and peace starts at home, inside me.
Working on keeping me peaceful is a daily routine.
Jon, just noticing the snow on the statue remind of feathers in a Native American headdress, lovely photo,
val from maryland
Suffering and happiness are indeed intertwined – they each need the other for balance. Just as hot and cold, life and death, sweet and sour, light and dark, soft and hard, negative and positive need each other. There can be no life without opposites. The earth would fall out of orbit without its magnetically opposite poles being pulled from the Sun’s gravity. It’s all as simple as physics, right down to the molecular scale. My mind goes to pure awe when I think of life like this at its basic core. Some say that it’s cold to think of it this way. Maybe so, but it helps me understand life so much better. This doesn’t mean I don’t feel anger, or hurt, or all the feelings that we humans have, it means that I have knowledge, skills and the perspective to regulate these feelings, so that I don’t make life worse for other humans.