Willa Cather is one of my favorite authors; her sense of self and determination is inspiring, and her writing also captures the staggering obstacles women in her time – the Plainswomen – faced.  It took her a lifetime to write those beautiful books.

Maria is reading her new biography of her by Benjamin and loving it. Maria often reminds me of her.  She found the rest of herself about the same time as I found the rest of myself. It has held us together. It is a coming to age and finding yourself thing.

Last night, she read this excerpt from one of Cather’s best books:

“From the time she moved up into the wing, Thea began to live a double life. During the day when the hours were full of tasks, she was one of the Kronborg children, but at night she was a different person. Her self confidence “that sturdy little companion,” assured her that “she had an appointment to meet the rest of herself sometime, somewhere.   It was moving to meet her, and she was moving to meet it.”  – The Song Of The Lark  By Willa Cather.

Willa Cather’s story is shaped by decades of determination, struggle, and gradual emergence. She was not taken seriously as a writer until her late 50’s. Some show their full powers early, yet Cather was the opposite. She took her time and gradually evolved as one of the most influential writers of her time. She died the year I was born, 1947.

She became famous with O Pioneers! (1913), The Song of the Lark (1915), and My Ántonia (1918). Through years of provincial journalism in Nebraska, brief (and hated) spells of teaching, and frustrating editorial work on magazines. She never gave up on her ultimate goal  – literary immortality.

The idea of meeting myself has been central to my life in recent years. I honestly did not know who I was or what I wanted to be, and the result was an awful mess that nearly took my life away. Meeting myself meant knowing myself, loving myself, and becoming the person I wanted to be, not the person the outside world told me I needed to be.

When I didn’t know myself, I had no solid ethical center, no goals that were not arrogant or far-fetched; I had no strong idea about what I wanted to do with my life. Introducing myself to me was the turning point in my life, as it was Maria’s.

I waited for years for the right biography of Cather to come out. Benjamin Taylor’s story of her life is the best one I’ve read and the perfect one for Maria, who is loving it and is already deeply touched by it. That’s no surprise; in so many ways, it’s her story,

We tend to attach ourselves to writers who tell the truth about life – Mary Oliver and Willa Cather. In telling their stories, they are telling ours. No one has ever come close to capturing what it meant to be a woman (or a writer) in the Plains states in the 1800s. The farm can be a beautiful inspiration or a grinding hell. Or both.

I’m still fighting that fight – social media enables group and label thought – but I’m getting there. I’m getting along with the rest of myself, the self mostly hidden from the side and frightened of getting close to anyone, including me.

It was good work and hard work and will continue for the rest of my life.

Cather taught us that it is never too late to change and to endure cruelty, ridicule, and fear.

She also met the rest of herself later in life.  I could never have done it when I was young, but life has taught me a lot, as has the farm, Maria, and my spiritual work. I still need some work, but I always like me more. The goal is a fulfilled life.