I’ve been writing about my sister, and her collapse and breakdown. I understand that I need to let go of my own guilt and frustration at being unable to help her. She is being cared for, and I doubt I will get to speak to her again. I talked to my therapist last night on the phone, she has guided me past my anxiety and lack of perspective and to a better and healthier place.
Our physical, emotional, political, cultural and more life are the things we pay attention to. I think I have sometimes forgotten the centrality and importance of the heart. We see what happens when our leaders forget the heart, and let the compassion and empathy – two emotions of the heart – melt away, drowned by anger and grievance. It’s so odd to live in a mostly Chrsistian society that has so suddenly abandoned the most basic teachings of the Chrsistian faith.
A spiritual tragedy, a spiritual opportunity, a call to the heart. I’m aware of it now. My photography is all aobut the heart, or at least is meant to be.
(Photo Zinnia, a dog of heart…)
Last night, my therapist told me what I needed to hear: “There is nothing you can do about your sister,” she said, “you’ve done your best, she is beyond your help. You need to sit with it and let your sorrow pass through you and you will get to the other side.”
It’s good advice and I’m taking it to heart. Our public life is devoid of heart or compassion. We are on our own.
This afternoon and evening, when Maria goes to her belly dancing class, I’ll sit alone and in silence with my sadness, dogs sitting at my feet, a fire to keep me warm, and let it work it’s way through me.
It’s just like grief, she said, it’s a process and you are in it. I need to let go.
I went out yesterday and this morning to take some pictures of the heart, and they were right out there for me to see. Come and see. A spiritual life begins the mystical life of the heart from the very beginning of our existence, unreachable just by intellect. We belong to our heart from the very beginning, it tells us and others who we are.
I believe I was created in a state of love, and life can either drain me of love, or bring me to it. That’s where spirituality comes in. It’s really all about the heart.
Maria and Asher. Snack time.
Zip, waiting for our morning meeting.
A beautiful hillside, opening up to the sun.
We all read about overflowing streams, here is in one for people who don’t live near the water.
Constance, waiting for her hay.
The donkeys pick up hay and drop it on the ground. That’s what grazing anials do. They don’t let anyone near it.
The sun graces us with its presence Monday afternoon.
Now I have added Constance to the list of your animals I love. Your blog inspires me and touches my heart
Hi Jon, blessings to you, Maria, your furry, feathered animals. I shared a similar situation where like your therapist says, you have to sit in it. Good people like you have it in our DNA to help, to solve it, or at least make it better. We have been pulled in at times finding the situation was starting to get better only to be let down, which wears us down, we feel let down, sometimes feel as if WE failed. I believe God puts healers of our hearts into our lives, your wife, daughter, granddaughter and all of the special animals He has sent to you. You will get through this, the funky part is tough. The Lord gave us tear ducts for a reason, they flow for our sadness and joy. You are an angel to many, you are part of my day everyday, you have blessed me in your works, your writing, was always a big Thoreau fan as well. There are references in the Bible where we are instructed to sit in silence, to meditate. I am asking the Lord to send ministering angels to your sister and you, that she will feel their presence and the love of her brother. Blessings Jon, this New Year.
Jon, years ago, when you had your own breakdown, would you have wanted your sister to suffer the pains of guilt and agony that you have been feeling. Perhaps one way to honor both of your pasts, would be to continue on your journey to healing, accepting, giving and nurturing that inner child within you.
What a path you are on, what progress and joy you have created and worked your ass off to accomplish.
As you quiet your mind, visualize your sister surrounded by light and love, send her healing energy and imagine her filled with inner peace. Imagine with each breath you take; your sister is experiencing that same release of dis-ease and letting go of old hurts. Imagine her soul and spirit glowing with the acceptance of her own worth and imagine she is letting go of the hurts and disappointment of her childhood. Visualize Zinnia beside your sister, giving her all the soulfull joy that is the essence of Zinnia. As you imagine your sister, also imagine your soul letting go of all the hurts and pain associated with your own childhood. See the two of you embracing and smiling and filled with peace.
I love your pictures of animals, nature and your farm!
Thank you..