Social media has a lot of excellent and worthy things to offer, including my blog. Sadly, it is also becoming a cesspool of angry, intolerant, and cruel people (Thanks,  Donald, you’re a jewel of a human.)

Last week, I wrote a post asking people to stop sending me packages without my knowledge or agreement.

And we live in a small farmhouse. We don’t have a lot of room. It’s a housekeeping problem.

The post was triggered by Clay, who told me he was sending two oversized jackets and a book from the 1950s about homelessness that he thought I might be interested in.

I grimaced. That’s not the way I work. I am told of or identify a need and either take care of it myself or ask for support. Otherwise, the boxes pile up, and I threw them away so we could move through the house. When people contacted me, I ensured the Mansion, Sue Silverstein, or someone else wanted or needed them.

Then I ask that they be sent to the recipients, not me.

The book was about homelessness in New York City in the 1950s.

People in need don’t need everything, and I don’t relish hauling boxes all over time to try and pass them to people who might or might not want them. I like to buy my own books.

To me, there is nothing complicated or hostile in making that request of people, even though it is shocking and threatening to many people online.

I don’t think anyone reading this would like to get boxes of used or old (and sometimes dirty) things without asking for them or knowing about them.

I don’t want to be a Goodwill Reception Center. People I work with tell me what I need, not what I ask them to need.

I wrote a polite message to Clay telling him I would try to find a place for the “large box” he was sending me and asked him to please communicate with me beforehand next time. I’ve asked this a least a  dozen times over the years, and every time I do – every single time –  and no matter what I say,  people from the vigilante  Social Media Police assault team come after me for being an ingrate, rude, obnoxious, or in this case, “an asshole” (this would be Vivian for speaking up.

People like Vivian hate honesty and sincerity because they love feeling free to attack people they don’t know about for things they know nothing about.

People hate to lose power, no matter how illegitimate or temporary. Before I grew up, I reveled in challenging them. It is, of course, a waste of time.

Claudia, one of my Meditation students at the Mansion, loved one of the jackets and is wearing it proudly. I wrote about this on the blog and posted a photo (above).

I braced myself for Clay and for, Vivian and the other members of her unit. I’m learning almost daily how few people were taught anything about good manners.

I would be stunned if my daughter ever wrote a message like that to people; I hope she was taught better.

In my e-mail to him, I thanked Clay two or three times for his generosity.

As it happened (I don’t quit easily), I brought the box to the Mansion and found at least one taker for one of the jackets he sent (see Claudia above).

I wasn’t so lucky on the second one or the book; if I can’t find takers,  they both go to the American Legion Donation Box, and the book goes to the library if they want it (they often don’t; they don’t have much room either.)

Clay was the first one who not only understood and sincerely agreed to let me know before sending me another package. I almost didn’t believe it, which is a sad commentary on how we communicate with one another, and how cynical I might be getting. I’ll work on that.

I told him the apology was due from me, not him, for losing faith in the ability of people online to be civil and to listen rather than condemn. Social media is killing off civility in our culture. Clay is a good person, polite, understanding, and generous. I hope he stays in touch. He belongs here. Vivian doesn’t.

I look forward to getting any packages from Clay that can be useful. He understood how it worked and was graceful enough to respond politely and warmly.

Thanks, Clay; once again, I am reminded by you and your message that most people are good and wish to do good in a medium and culture that has almost obliterated listening and speaking respectfully to each other. Good for you. Send me anything you want. Just ask first…:)

It would be wrong to forget that many people like Clay are in the world. I won’t forget it again.