On Thanksgiving, this is what I am thinking about Resurrection.

Resurrection is not only for Gods. I’m trying it; it’s a way to live happily, even amid mayhem. I believe that happiness is a function of compassion. I cannot be happy if I do not have compassion in my heart.

Some people live as though they are already dead, regretful of their past and frightened of their future. I know – I was one of them. They are often mired in anger, jealousy, vengeance, and grievance. Just think of the news.

In our culture, the Resurrection is a religious event only Gods can achieve. But it is also a human event that anyone can achieve.

A resurrection is the riding from the dead of a divine or human being who retains their personhood or individuality, though the body or the mind may not be changed. It is a spiritual event as well as a religious one.

I believe the spirit can die long before the body. Part of us dies when we give up on bliss, compassion, vocation, or respect for the needy and others in our lives and our world. I knew I could never really live if I lived and worked more for money than for myself.

We will all face troubles, obstacles, setbacks, losses, and mistakes in our lives; the challenge of humanity is not that we live perfect, problem-free lives but rather about how we are able to handle problems, pain, and loss. And do good. Every time we do good, our lives get more extensive and fuller. And happier.

I want to have joy in my heart. If I look back at people, I often see spiritual ghosts, people without joy, love, or hope.

I think of them as walking corpses. They have been beaten down, exhausted by life,  or have just given up.

As I started my blog in 2007, I had given up my hopes for love, peace of mind, and a life of happiness and meaning. I felt I had lived my life into my 60s in that way and had lost hope of doing better or being more content. I expected to die that way. The blog was my truth, for better or worse.

On this path, I found Maria, my farm, my blog, my pictures, my donkeys, my dogs, and now, my cat. I woke myself up and began to live.

I never expected to find love; I was miserable and frightened, broken by a troubled past and an uncertain future. I was alone and unhappy.

I suffered from extreme anxiety all of my life as my birth family disintegrated all around me. I lived in a steady stream of panic and had broken down. I took Valium for decades to sleep. I was in my sixth year of living alone on the first Bedlam Farm as my marriage fell apart without my knowing it or meaning it.

I had given up on life. I decided to be reborn.

Reading Thomas Merton’s journals, I got the idea of Resurrection, of returning to life. I didn’t need God to do it. I needed to do it. I had no desire to be Christ, worship, or be like him. I did admire his teachings and wanted to follow them. I just wanted to find myself and learn to live with myself.

I chose a spiritual, not a religious, path back to life.

The spiritual message is to have compassion and mercy for those whose spirit and love of life have gone. To learn to love them, and not pity them. They have not learned, as I have, that an appreciation for life is almost impossible without living in the here and now.

I embrace the idea of Resurrection. My spiritual work took me there.

I have returned from the dead in many ways. I practice Resurrection as an everyday practice. In meditation and focusing on breathing, I work to bring my mind back to my body and revive my spirit, which I had lost.

I learned that joy, peace, and happiness are possible if only I could open myself up to them, and when I did, they all found me. I don’t have a perfect life; that is not real life or human fate.  But I chose not to end my life in this sorry way. I had no control over the pain of life. I could control self-pity and suffering.

I told myself I could make an appointment with life and rejoin the living, first by being grateful for my life and then by turning inward with silence and meditation and learning who I was and who I yearned to be. It is a meaningful thing, especially on Thanksgiving Day. It is good, hard work.

I can’t say I am happy every minute of every day. I’m not a powerful spirit but a human. I don’t get everything I want. I don’t behave every single way that I want. I do things I regret and wrestle with anger and, at times, anxiety. I am not a saint or fantastic person with no troubles in life.

I am human; I don’t wish to be a God or a superhuman; no chance of that. But you know what? I am happy.

But I have discovered that I can find joy, peace, and happiness. It is possible.

Thanksgiving is a day for me to recall my rebirth and to be grateful for it.

I wish all of the people who read this a peaceful, loving, and meaningful Thanksgiving. I wish you have a happy life.