I think of Timothy Kelling’s Book Making Sense Of God this morning when I went outside and saw some of my flowers reaching up bravely to the sky. Sometimes I see God in my flowers.

Does God exist?

I have no idea. It’s too big a question for my tiny mind and hungry spirit.

Sometimes I hope so. We seem to be struggling without him, and if there is a God, then there is much hope for many doubting people.

I am not a non-believer. I believe in many things. If there is a God, I think he will make him or herself known to me and all of us bumbling humans on his planet if he created it.

I see God everywhere in a way.

In a kiss from Maria.

In a lick from a dog.

In a smile from a refugee child living her new dreams.

In the color of a flower.

In the soft bray of a donkey.

In the death of a barn cat.

In the new life of a barn swallow

In one of Emma’s pictures.

In one of Robin’s paintings.

In the hope of dreamers

In Maria’s potholders and quilts

In the wisdom loves brings us.

In the call of a Raven

In my happiness and hope.

In every good deed, I do.

In every smile I see.

I see God Everywhere. I see God nowhere. God is all around me. There is no such thing as God.

I don’t have to know or claim there is or isn’t a God. That seems arrogant to me. I suppose God is the part of me that wants to do better, know more, listen, learn, love, and hope.

I see God in the teachings of the man who is called his son. I see him with the grateful smile of a Mansion resident getting warm socks.

God makes the most sense to me when I see the world without him, tumbling into violence, hatred, and the pain of our Mother, the Earth.

Have we ever needed him more? I can’t say.

No animal other than a human has that ability to dream or be better, so something or someone pretty powerful put it there.

I am not blind and see humanity’s sadness, suffering, and poverty every day.

But I also know the hope, warmth, love, and character. Something put it there, and it will never die.

Fires can destroy a whole community. But they also bring out the very best in humanity, our need and love for one another that is always there, even if hidden.

I don’t have any answers, but Kelling and his book gave me a lot to think about. I think he wanted to make me believe. But I can’t be persuaded from the outside. It has to come from inside.

The idea of God makes sense, but I can’t will myself to believe in it. I think that my search for a spiritual life comes from inside of me, not from a book.

I’ll wait for something bigger than me to talk to me about it and show me the truth. Will believing in God make me better? I don’t know that either.

I thank my friend Ron Dotson for bringing me this book. He knows me well, and he knows I love to think. His book made me feel, and it made me respect him all the more. He has no doubts about the existence of God, and his faith is admirable to me. I wish I had it. I hope I get it.