People with scrappy dogs like Boston Terriers and those with oddly bred and fancy bulldogs know that these animals love to do two things: snore and pass gas. We call it farting at Bedlam Farm.

Because the animals’ digestive systems and breathing abilities are affected by their size, they can sound like airplanes landing at Kennedy Airport when they sleep and fart like drunken sailors after dinner in a bar.

Bud, sweet and loving though he is, often stinks. And always snores.

On top of his digestive impairments, he will eat absolutely anything that movies, alive if possible. We can tell when this happens because he can clear a room in minutes, small or not. And we find bits of moles, mice, and snakes all over the yard.

Miniature terriers and exotic bulldogs do not have long noses that help them cool the air or warm it in the winter. Air clogs in their tiny passageways and snore like the same drunken sailors in the bars. They are prone to nose troubles and infections.

Maria and I sometimes catch our breath and try to remind ourselves why we ever got a dog like Bud, much as we love him. We ask those questions after some spectacular digestive eruptions and smells. He can get us to jump up and move fast.

These dogs seem to make up in personality what they lack in grace and etiquette.

We aren’t sure why we got him. Lucky for him, we do love him.

We just wanted to experience a small dog; we have never had one.

People spend a fortune to get these smelly, snoring dogs. Bud was a rescue; he cost $1,000 in vet fees alone. French Bulldogs cost at least $2,500 in

Hollywood. They sell for up to $5,000, snoring and farting included. Some people have tried to kill to get one. I never knew farting was a status thing. Zinnia will eat anything she finds, but she has an iron wall for a stomach and never gasses.

Dog love is a wonder and a mystery. It never stops fascinating and surprising me. People get dogs for a million different reasons. But they always try to get the dogs they need and then project their emotions onto them. The dogs seem to love it.

We love Bud dearly and have no regrets, except sometimes. We ought to buy stock in Odor Off.

Today, he ate something in the backyard, came in, jumped in my lap, and promptly threw it up. I have to say it was one of the most disgusting experiences of my adult life. I won’t even try to describe what it was. ( It squeaks.)

It was followed by extensive gas passing so bad Zinnia and Fate fled the room and hid under the dining room table.

I scraped it off, threw my pants in the washer, got another pair, and got out the Odor Off that we keep under the sink? Thank God it works.

When I got changed and cleaned up, Bud was snoring (above) in Zinnia’s dog bed; I thought he would rattle the plants right off the windowsill.

Love you, little man.