The sun broke through just as I got outside, and it seemed more beautiful to me even than the mist that shrouded the farm earlier.
This morning, we both have chores. Maria is skirting wool for next week’s trip to the Vermont yarn maker. I’ve got a ton of e-mails to read and am office to clean up and flower photos to share.
We’re going to Williamstown for a stand-up comedy show by Hasan Minhaj and some Mexican food beforehand. Along the way, we have three shopping trips to make.
I was reading, meditating tonight, and maybe a British mystery if we have any energy left. I’m reading a new biography about Samuel Adams (not John Adams), who was instrumental in getting Massachusetts to revolt against Prince George. Adams is one of the least well-known revolutionaries, but I can already tell, one of the most interesting. I love good history books like this.
This morning, I got a couple of exciting flower photos. Come and take a look, and thanks for your many good messages.
Yesterday, I was reminded of my progress in coming to terms with online hostility.
Ellen Stanton scolded me for photographing Maria hauling wood, I got a huffy message. She said it wasn’t interesting to her; I was making too big a deal out of it. “Find something interesting to write about,” she said.
I was good.
I didn’t call her rude or tell her to mind her business or start her own blog if she could do better.
I didn’t call her stupid or mean-spirited or give her a link to a book on manners. I didn’t say that since her mother never taught her good manners, I was obliged to help her learn about them: mind your business; if you have nothing good to say about anybody, shut your mouth (or take your fingers off the keyboard.)
I deleted her message, as I do now with nasty messages, and thought of the Dalai Lama’s writing about self-restraint. Do not answer anger with anger, he wrote, do not answer cruelty with cruelty. It makes you no better than those trying to hurt you.
It is essential to learn to let go.
In addition to replying to Ellen and thus encouraging and enabling her, I also spared myself the inevitable Yenta sympathizers who are very protective of other obnoxious people online and think I’m cruel and nasty because I say things like that to her (I am, I have to say, getting many messages from people who miss my acid responses to arrogance and cruelty and thank me for taking them on. )
Sorry folks, we all have to grow.
I don’t want to take them on any longer. I’ve learned my lessons. The delete button is my friend, my mentor, my guide. I told myself the same thing I would have told her; if I don’t like something, don’t read it and move on. I always abide by my own etiquette: I have no right to tell strangers what to do.
A man did call me a sissy for loving flowers and taking so many photos of them; he said in his message it was not what real men do.
Thank you, I said. I love compliments.
This was the excellent advice my friends online gave me, and although it took a while, it stuck, and I am happier and better without it. I do miss it at times; it was a satisfying release at times. But I do feel better and healthier without it.
You say you are a regular reader, Ellen, so I should not have to tell you that on my blog, I get to write whatever I want, and I don’t do polling.
You might be surprised to know those posts on Maria (any posts on Maria) and wood stacking are among the most popular, I recall. Your plea does not make me think I ought to stop publishing those photos; hold your breath and close your eyes.
I will milk it to the end and happily exploit my remarkable wife. She’s my Willa Cather Woman.
I call this my Bud Bowl, named after Bud, my Boston Terrier. They look alike.
I like the fact that you used Ellen’s full name in the blog. Good for you. Shine some light on her nasty!
I love your way of handling rude comments! Maria is a hard worker and she should be praised for her hard work!!! I love how you love her!!!!
“A man did call me a sissy for loving flowers and taking so many photos of them, he said in his message it was not what real men do.
Thank you, I said, I love compliments.”
This made me laugh out loud in glee! Perfect response Jon! I love that you are just letting it go. Nothing make a troll madder than being ignored!
Jon, this main photo is rather extraordinary — it almost literally jumped off the page at me. The depth of the light and the vividness of the colors are quite different today.
Although I enjoy all your photographs, I think this picture of the gardens in the morning light is my most favorite ever. I love the Bud Bowl, too!
I love the pics
All of them
My 3 chords of wood are in the driveway. I wheelbarrow them to a cellar window and toss them in,
Inside to stack as I swap off chores or opportunities. My husband sounds like you, and I remind him it’s my choice and I want to do the wood
He has Parkinson’s and other health issue or he could help.
But what sn opportunity it is to stay strong and accomplish this task!
These “complements” you receive must make you want to roll your eyes!
Jon, Jon, you have to do it properly. Delete the message, let it go. No sneaking in those comments on the side, as it were! I think the Dalai Lama would call that cheating.
I’m teasing, Jon!
You flowers are gorgeous and I am jealous of your talents.
Agree. Except for the just kidding part.
beautiful header photo for this post, Jon! Not sure which camera you used, but everything from the vibrant colors, to the clarity of the coneflowers just leaps out at me! Lovely! And good for you for sidestepping negative and unwarranted comments…… Dalai Lama said it…..as did MLK in similar words. Negativity and rudeness only begets more of the same………so you are moving forward quite well! Kudos to you!
Susan M
It is your blog, you can post whatever you want, but if you put it out there, you must be prepared that people might comment. You have the choice of ignoring them, responding, but it is unseemly for you to continue to bring it up in your posts. Once again, you have derided someone who commented. It’s unseemly. It would be best as your friends tell you to just hit the delete button and move on without comment or making ugly comments about the person.
I like the action photos of Maria in her power, enjoying the physical moves that she can do *while* she is creating a stable structure. Physicists and engineers speak of beauty and elegance when they describe their scientific creations. In a similar way Maria’s on-going and dynamic creativity as she physically grounds herself in work that is both useful and joyful is so evident. It’s too bad that Ellen missed the uplift that you portray, and saw something negative instead. What you photograph here always shows Maria in strength and glorious activity.
Being grandchild of farmers I love your stories and photos and I adore donkeys.
My jaw is on the floor and giggles bubble up reading this post. Your observations are very enjoyable to read and I hope it brings great joy to the sissie-sayers and the dominators who think they can censor your blog. They must have so much boredom in their life to climb into comments to you. Oh but wait, I am commenting too! Now I confuse myself. Gne gne. Good on ya, mate, for showing restraint and still keep the good humor in your blog. Which will forever be YOUR blog 🙂
That first photo is almost breathtaking! Your beds are overflowing with color. What a great gift God gives us! I’m reading a book of Thomas Merton’s ‘thoughts on nature’ (someone collected these into a book) entitled, When the Trees Say Nothing. Am also reading Mary Oliver’s poems and essays. Her observations of nature are sensitive, her choice of words exquisit. Nature is the context in which she reflects on life with profound thoughts. Thanks for sharing your photos!
When the Trees Say Nothing Is A Wonderful book…
I just love that header photo! Best yet!
Jon, if only more husbands would see, talk about, respect and adore their wives like you do with Maria, the world would be a much softer, loving and safe place. I love how honestly and lovingly you write about Maria. I have much respect for both of you; you each live your own lives, and are interdependent, rather than co-dependent or totally independent. I aspire to have that kind of relationship with my spouse. And gee, were the great poets and painters “sissies?” You’re a poet and a painter – with words and pictures. Yeesh, these toxic men and bitter women. Ya’ll need to find a hobby that breeds love.
Jon, your blog is a joy and I admire your efforts to be a better man…but sometimes a little snark is necessary! 🙂 Love the pics, the videos and the stories. I miss the podcast with you and Maria….maybe that will make an occasional return?
I find your posts of Maria doing hard things inspirational-maybe aspirational? I also enjoy the gentle humor about your “battles”- your love for her shows through every time. So delightful.
And, re the man who says “real men” don’t like flowers, I’m sorry you allow yourself to be limited in who you are by a toxic external definition by some nameless other.
The list of strong, capable, creative men who love flowers is long and illustrious. Plus, no flowers, no food. If you like to eat, you’d be best loving flowers with all your might.