Today, I took my first shower since April. The little things we take for granted can make such a difference. I’ve learned that being alert and aggressive is the secret to aging well and staying healthy. I feel humanized. Wow, that shower felt sweet. The next miracle was wearing my regular shoes again, just a few days away.

Things are falling into place.

Maria and I are learning a great deal about dealing with health issues; for me, that’s the best way to do it – together.

We know that we can be available to care for each other without giving up the rest of our lives, at least for now. One day that won’t be possible, but it is very possible now.  We just have to think about it.

The most important thing I’ve learned is to deal directly and aggressively with my health issues but not let them take over my life or permit myself to sink into them and make them the only thing that matters. People tend to define older people by their ailments; I refused to be seen in so narrow a way. I am more than that and hope to be until the end. Old Talk and Old Thoughts can kill.

Yesterday, on the way home from our triumphal visit to see Dr. Daly (my foot is now all healed and ready to walk after three years of work.) I got sick, I believe, from a severe food allergy. I was unable to function; I slept for hours.

It seemed almost Biblical to us; we didn’t get to celebrate for a minute. At home, I had to get into bed and stay there. Maria and I have worked out a thoughtful and compelling rhythm. We both understand that one day years from now, she won’t be able to do her work and care for me if I am severely incapacitated. But we don’t need to do that now.

We respect one another’s need to work and keep our lives, and we plan for that and think about it.

Maria wants to care for me, but not at the cost of her life and work. What she did was help me to settle in and then go to work. She called or came into the house every hour or half hour to check on me. I did whatever I could, and she provided help for what I couldn’t do. She designed a quilt the same day, and we spent the evening together as I recovered.

I left the house late in the afternoon to take pictures. It was a good time for the light. That excursion didn’t last long.

This morning I am much better, gaining my strength beat, figuring out what to eat and when, and taking my first sweet shower in memory! I stayed under the spray for a long time.

 

If I had to pick one word to reflect my learning about aging and health, it would be thoughtfulness. We need to think about it, not just whine about it. And the sooner, the better.

For all our excitement over my foot, Maria and I always remember to live our lives and feel the wonder of life. Maria never gets lost in the day’s drama, health or otherwise. Even as I collapsed into a living room chair, she was out saving bugs, visiting her frog friend, discovering a beautiful moth, and writing about it.

I thanked her this morning for never forgetting to notice and share the wonder of life. Sinking into self-pity and complaint when she is around is just impossible.

She says the same thing about me, which means a lot to me.

No matter my feelings, I am eager to hear her beautiful stories of life in our little world. When we both lose our capacity for wonder, that will be the first death. The rest of it is just life. We know people who vanish into their troubles and never come out. We are determined that will not be us.

As soon as I woke up this morning – it was just before 6 a.m. – I got some shoes on (I was in a T-shirt and underpants), grabbed the camera, and went outside to catch the sun rising over our farm, the animals, and the pasture. This lifted my heart and polished my soul. It was already a good day; the healing would come in time. I loved the light and took some nice pictures. That is my best way to start the day.

And my shower made me shine, says Maria, in body and mind. I never paid much attention to the morning shower. I won’t take it for granted again. It is the small things sometimes.

Next week I’ll wear shoes regularly for the first time in some years.

 

The other day, I wrote that a Mansion resident asked me to buy her a new  TV, the inexpensive one I got her several years ago was no longer working or fixable. I wrote that times were different; I no longer had the deep reserves I used to have in my Mansion Fund. I had to say no, not right now. That was a first for me.

I understand entirely; none of us have as much money as we did a few years ago. No one should feel bad about that; the Army of Good is as strong and vibrant as ever. We have all sorts of ways to do good and help out. Sue Silverstein and I have figured out all kinds of ways to help the refugee kids without spending a lot of money. Many of you have helped with your material donations.

Today, Angela sent me a message; she is sending a check for $300 so I can buy R the TV she needs to get through her days.

Thank you, Angela. This spirit of love and compassion is more important to me than any toe, foot, or other health issue.

It’s time for me to move past this campaign to get healthy and get on with living. I’ve done more this Spring than I imagined possible when I took this path. I see a lot of light and color ahead.

Thanks, as always, for helping me stay on the road. It really is much better to do good rather than argue about what good is.