It’s been raining all morning, and I’m trapped. I can’t allow my foot to get wet in any way. Yesterday, I got a painful blister on my foot from the straps on the surgical boot which is heavy and eight. We got a particular anti-biotic patch that will cover it up for four days. Infection is the enemy. I won’t let that happen.

I wrapped my foot in a plastic bag (okay, Maria did and went out to take a rain photo or two). I did get soaked, but the foot remained dry. To make sure, I took off the surgical boot and let it dry in front of the wood stove. Maria and I had to spend two hours learning our fish tank, succumbing to an algae attack along the bottom.

Then I had to lie down. Maria went to the Farmer’s Market to get us some vegetables; I was disappointed to say I couldn’t see Caz, my goat lady friend. I admit to being worn down by this process; the foot is fine, but my spirit is worn down by all the things I can’t do and need help doing. I can’t take care of myself yet and worry about wearing Maria down. I worry about two many things.

She is forever thoughtful, and she went up to the flower lady at the market and brought me some beautiful flowers; I will have to use my tripod to take the photos I want; the camera is too have for me to keep perfectly still. I’ll do that this afternoon.

The length of this toe thing is pulling me down, I’m low today, the rain doesn’t help. Time to find some silence and do some meditating and thinking.

Portrait: I love watching Ian evolve, and last week he came over to the farm for dinner – it’s almost weekly –  and he read a beautiful poem from his new book in which he writes his poems. His face says it, and I l love how our friendship has bloomed. We had yet another wonderful evening with this creative young man. He read one poem he loves from memory – it was five minutes long.

I can’t imagine how he did it.

I have nothing on my schedule until Tuesday – Meditation Class At The Mansion – so today and tomorrow, I’m taking a spiritual refreshment class with myself.

I want to think about my life beyond the physical dimension but the spiritual one. It’s a chance for me to let go of my fantasies and fears and look for the beauty of what it means to be alive and live and age well.

I will be thinking long and hard about the mental and spiritual attitudes I bring to the challenges of our lives rather than the physical issues and the specter of argument and death most of us carry inside. The end can come at any time to anybody. Real life and age come only to the blessed.

After I post this, I head to the porch with my new camera and tripod.

I’ve made another decision about my photography. I will offer to trade my Leica Q2 to my Leica store for cash and a 35 mm Leica lens for long distances.  It should be 50-50.

The new camera and the lenses I’m experimenting with can do anything and more than the Leica 2. I don’t need a camera lying around unused. The lenses are my path now; they opened some new doors for me, and  I have everything I need for the pictures I hope to take.

This trade was a Maria idea, and it surprised me that I didn’t think of it before her.

I admit I get very loyal to my cameras. But letting go is part of learning. It’s exciting to be known.

Beaten down by raindrops.