Winter returned for a day or so, a mix of snow, rain, and ice through much of the day.
We are planning to see a new movie, “The Lost King,” this afternoon.
I was worried about our driving in bad weather.
I realized this week that as I get older, I’ve developed some anxiety about driving in even the mildest snow and ice. This is a fear I never had for most of my life.
The forecast calls for one inch of snow today, plus some rain. They call it a “wintry mix.” While living alone on the first Bedlam Farm, I always ignored the weather and drove in blizzards. I never even looked at the forecasts. I noticed that I looked three or four times this morning.
Maria, familiar with my anxieties, said we didn’t need to go if it made me nervous. Did it make you anxious? I asked.
Not at all, she said. I realized something was wrong with me. I recognized this as an aging issue, not a real issue. As I get older, I feel more vulnerable. Sometimes that’s valid, sometimes not.
The anxiety showed up as fear about Maria, who drove a tiny car with no snow tires when we first met. Over the past few years, the stress has become a little more global. I often choose to stay home and be anxious or check this anxiety, get to the heart of it, and see the movie.
I don’t need to have any if Maria has no fear of driving in the weather today. My acknowledgment of my vulnerability is to go when there is any weather issue, not to give into fear. Maria is logical and aware.
We live in upstate New York, and an inch of snow is not considered dangerous. I don’t want it to be for me.
I’ve been diagnosed with generalized anxiety, but I have learned how to live with it rather than surrender to it.
If there is a lot of ice on the road, nobody should drive on it who doesn’t have to. My eyes are good. I’m at ease driving.
But if Maria checks the weather and says she’s not concerned, that’s the boundary for me. Let’s do it. We’ll go to the movie and get some Mexican food there.
I’ve learned a lot about anxiety and made significant progress in dealing with it in my spiritual work. I know now that I can beat most of it if I do the work.
Here is a chance to do some healing and gain some strength. I will deal with the stress rather than let it deal with me.
Let us know if you liked the movie. I thought the book was great – this seems to be an attractive adaptation. I empathize with your anxiety. Mine is not getting better as I get older.
I can certainly relate to your feeling about driving in bad weather. I find that I think in a similar fashion these days. I am 73 years old and still taking long drives to visit family. Recently I drove from north Idaho to northern California. It was a two day drive. My passengers were my dogs, Tessie and Augie. It was my first time driving from Idaho by myself and I was a bit nervous. I stayed on the larger and well traveled routes and stayed in contact with my family in Idaho and California. I even hit blizzard conditions going over the Siskiyou Pass going from the Oregon to California. After staying in California for two weeks I drove to Las Vegas, a drive I have made many times over the last 10 years. I will reverse my route when I return to Idaho, stopping in California first to visit my sister and 94 year old mother. The next two weeks I am having cataract surgery and I will be able to drive without wearing glasses.
I grew up in Pittsburgh. Learned to drive on hilly terrain in the snow. I drive well in the snow. The one thing I did learn was never try to drive on ice. No matter how good you are at driving in the snow, ice is a totally different beast. Not safe under any circumstance. As I’ve moved from Pittsburgh, further East to a more moderate area of the State, I am amazed that people generally don’t know how to drive in snow.
You are a source of inspiration for me in that you don’t use your anxiety as an excuse, and are willing to take on the work required to deal with it. My first tendency is to freeze, and hide. I am learning, partly from you, to take small steps to come out of hiding and do the work required to change my response. Some of the time anyways.
Thank you for your continued honesty
Thanks, Lois Jean, I’ve found meditation to be the most effective tool to overcome anxiety..when I see myself clearly, I can tell what’s real and what isn’t..Best luck to you, Jon
Jon
What does your meditation consist of? I’d like to start this routine of yours.
I too have generalized anxiety and get anxious when I can’t control things. Like the bad weather conditions you mentioned. Where I live I thought I avoided this by moving South,but didn’t realize how dangerous a muddy one lane dirt road can be getting to and back home. I don’t know which is worse, real or imagined fears. Or the struggle to overcome what you can. Your ordeals you share with insights to overcome inspires me .
https://www.nccih.nih.gov/health/meditation-and-mindfulness-what-you-need-to-know