Maria and I met with Dr. Daly today; we all agreed that the big toe on my left should be amputated to bring me back to normal (or mostly normal) walking and eliminate the risk of infection due to structural problems in my left foot.
The decision meeting took two minutes. The discussion of the procedure and treatment was half an hour. I have a lot of things to do. They take nothing for granted at my age and with my issues.
It was not a pleasant or easy decision, but I believe – and Maria and Dr. Daly agree – that it is reasonable and sensible. This has been a long and drawn-out problem for my mobility and safety; troubles with the toe endangered my walking ability, possibly worse.
After the operation (I have to get a few clearances from my other doctors first), I’ll get another brace that will help my foot even more, especially without the significant and dysfunctional toe in the way.
I’m not happy about it; I feel shaken and drained.
But I’m not torn or hesitant either. It is just something that needs to be done, and I am fortunate to be able to do it. I felt a sadness, a kind of odd disloyalty to my toe, which has served me daily. It is depressing to give up a part of my body.
I look forward to being free of this problem. It will disappear along with the toe.
But it’s not an emotional issue; it’s a practical one. I am big on acceptance these days and also on gratitude.
Whining or complaining accomplishes nothing, and so many people in the world suffer worse problems and do not have the resources or good fortune to deal with them. I will be thinking of them.
And giving thanks for Maria, who takes excellent care of me (as long as it doesn’t stop all of her work :))
The surgery lasts 30 minutes, and I’ll be home two hours later. The anesthesia is local; they will numb the left leg only. The numbness lasts for three days; during that time, I can put no pressure on the foot. If necessary, I’ll be given some crutches or a temporary walker. No showers or baths for three weeks, and I will be in a surgical boot the whole time.
After three or four days, I can walk around in the boot, but not very far. The only painkiller I will be taking is Ibuprophen. I will be thinking about how to make this as easy as possible for Maria and ensure she can continue her work, especially after the first few days.
This is called minor surgery, but the aftermath is anything but little. I’ll have to keep my foot elevated for weeks and apply an ice pack on and off for weeks to keep the food from swelling and hurting.
It’s an essential experience: aging, facing reality, and taking responsibility for my life. This has affected my life for several years, and I want to move forward; I am bursting with things I want to do, read, write, photograph, and accomplish.
I want to live the world a little bit better when I go; that’s the work.
I am confident this is for the better, and I will have more freedom to live my life as I wish, do the good I was called to, and love the people I am lucky to love.
At this point in my life, I learn from everything.
Thanks for your good words.
Jon, i can imagine you feel drained and shaken. I am trying to stave off a hip replacement with steroid shots – it is not the operation so much – it is the recovery period.
This is a big decision and you have taken it thoughtfully, mindfully and taken as much as you can into consideration (there are ALWAYS unforeseen things that may or may not happen). Acceptance is important as is grieving the loss of your toe which has been part of you your whole life. Good luck. Sending you support and healing energy.
You have a good attitude. And a true sense reality about what to expect. It would be hard to say good bye to one’s toe., I’m thinkin’. I will keep your healing in my prayers. I hope you write another book!
It is hard to see that there would be any doubt given the strong promise of a much better future, “to bring me back to normal (or mostly normal) walking and eliminate the risk of infection.”
Losing a body part is a psychic loss until we absorb and balance the great pros. The cons here will seem short lived in retrospect. Maybe you can use a cane or other support directing yourself by your right leg during the recovery.
The first few days are always the worst but your progress and strength will happily surprise you.
My experience with any leg surgery is to do as many leg muscle strengthening (leg press, toe and ankle exercises) as possible as far ahead of the surgery as possible at least 3-4 times a week, but of course we should follow our doctor’s instructions.
Requiem for a big toe- sounds like a title for one of Maria’s art pieces.
I don’t mean to butt in, however, would your insurance cover a home health aide for a few days to help with things?
Decisions can be hard to make but you have a good support team. I wish you well during your post op recovery. Keep us in touch.
A thought: they have walkers now that look a bit like scooters, that you kneel on with one leg while standing up on the other leg. Maybe this would help you keep pressure off your foot? But I’m guessing your team will come up with the right solution for you. Best wishes for your improved mobility!
a family member whom I admire and love suffered years of foot problems , complicated by diabetes, kidney failure, and heart problems. Recently she decided it was time to have an amputation of her foot severed above her ankle as infection did not respond to treatments. Recovery was a process but she pushed thru it and now is so happy to have freedom and stamina in her daily life for walks, visits with her young toddler grandchildren and no more painful and life threatening infections. Watching her walk, finding and sharing love and joy with her friends at dialysis and even enjoying some dance moves wearing her prosthesis reminds me that imperfect health need not deny ourselves of a life well lived , onward to a good outcome and healing , and new walking paths to explore in search of that perfect photo await you !
Think of it this way:: you are 75 years old. A month of recovery is infinitesimal compared to 75 years. Elaine says it best and you’ll be so glad you’ve had this done. You have an excellent caretaker in Maria and support from your blog friends. Good decision—you’re strong and will make it through. Focus on the month of May!
Ok, I am trying again to write this. We are sorry you have to go through all this with your toe. I am thinking about an experience we had just yesterday as we were flying home from Texas where our son and family live. Next to me was a young man who was helped on because he had lost 2 legs, an arm and one of his fingers on his left hand. I cannot imagine what he had and is having in his life. And now I am suffering with you as you relearn balance. I am thinking maybe you will be much more comfortable in the near future. Good for you to accept the advice of your doctors. Speedy recovery! We look forward to your deep and stimulating comments in your blog! Yea! You will have more time for your thoughts and writing.
I’m glad you are doing this for your health and well being. The future will hopefully feel a little lighter without all that worry about that toe. On another note, I had my left hip replaced in January and was instructed to take both ibuprophen and Tylenol for pain after surgery. On the second day I had pain in my stomach and by day four it was awful and I was hospitalized. Evidently some of us older folks (I’m 72) are very sensitive to ibuprophen and it gave me an ulcer. Just be aware because I had no idea I might be that sensitive to ibuprophen and now I cannot take it again. Best wishes.
Thinking of you as you prepare for your surgery. How wonderful that you have the opportunity to work with good doctors who will help you through this. Not easy but, a decision made. Wishing you a successful surgery and a full recovery that goes smoothly. Keep moving forward and keep doing good!
Wishing you a successful surgery and speedy recovery.