I’m still grappling with the idea that some people – lots of people – love me and my blog. I learn this every time the subscription service breaks down, and people don’t get the Bedlam Farm Journal in their mailbox.

That happened early this week, and I got scores of e-mails from people who didn’t get the blog for days. Many assumed I must be dead or close and were worried. Others wondered if they hadn’t offended me or if I hadn’t blocked them for some reason.

Most said they just missed it, which was music to my ears.

My most sincere wish when I started the blog was to write a new kind of memoir – the story of life digitally – that people all over the country might wish to follow. I am humbled to learn that this has come true.

I’m sorry for the discomfort I caused some people. I posted every single day, sick or not. And I am very much alive.

I’m told the service will be repaired by Saturday. I should remind people that the blog is always available at www.bedlamfarm.com and can be bookmarked or accessed commonly, which is how most people get it.

Many messengers told me how they begin their mornings reading the blog and how important it has become. That is good to hear, and thank you.

I appreciate the messages from people who start their mornings with coffee and Bedlam Farm or end their workdays in that regular way.

Some things I should mention.

 

Free subscriptions and mailing of the blog are not tied to donations to the blog or the Of Good or to blog comments you might or might not have made and that I might or might not see. We don’t keep score. I get hundreds of e-mails and blog messages almost every day. I read those that I can, but some days, I don’t see any.

The blog is free and will always be free. So are mailing subscriptions. No strings, no expectations. No one is checking.

I might be crazy, but I am not ever petty, I don’t hold grudges or stew and lick my wounds. The only people I ever kick off the site – it is infrequent – are trolls and those who send angry and vicious messages. The send buttons should have delayed software, but I love the deleting button.

Sometimes I can reply to blog comments, but most of the time, I don’t. I don’t keep messages in my head; I sometimes remember them, but most don’t. There are too many.

If I can’t or don’t reply, this doesn’t mean I am angry or upset.

If the blog is not sent to e-mail subscribers and it isn’t received, it’s an accident, a tech flaw. It’s not a conspiracy.

It’s fine to let me know to be safe, but we usually know immediately. Go to www.bedlamfarm.com to see if anything’s wrong. I don’t keep it a secret if I’m sick or unavailable. That will be on the blog, even if I am dead.

I don’t need people to worry about me. I’m doing fine, going strong, and loving my life. I share my life and my health, but worrying about it is my job; that’s a reasonable boundary to keep in mind.

My health issues are important, but they are also the regular and widespread realities of men my age in America. They are part of the normal flow of life; I accept them as just another part of life. And I am doing very well.

I don’t cancel subscriptions if people criticize me or don’t support the blog or the causes we embrace. I don’t punish people by canceling subscriptions. I couldn’t keep all that in my head even if I wanted to. And I don’t want to.

I will always grant you your privacy, and I am always asking the same thing for myself. The challenge of healthy online communications, I have learned, is boundaries. Reading my blog does not give someone the right to mind my business, nor does it give me the freedom to follow theirs.

I have no idea who is donating to the blog or note or who has signed up for a mailing. That is not done here or by me; that service is run by an independent tech company specializing in group mailings.

I don’t maintain it or have any idea how it works. I pay for it monthly, which is expensive; it is accessible to you but not me. When we re-subscribe people, I am charged for that – $15. That’s not a complaint, just a statement of truth.

I sometimes take a day or a morning off, but otherwise, I never miss a day, and the blog has been published every day of the past couple of weeks, bronchitis or coughing or not. And almost every day since May of 2007.

I am grateful for the love you show my blog and am proud of that. I will work hard to keep your interest and your trust.

My idea in starting a blog wasn’t to sell a book, but to share a life, a radically new kind of living memoir. So far so good.

The blog is one of the joys of my life and my most sustained creative or literary achievement. I am immensely proud of it. It is the home of my writing, my photography, and the story of my life. Thanks again for loving it and missing it.

It is the most incredible honor one could pay a writer – or photographer – to say their work has been cut.

The system should be working tomorrow.