I received one of the sweetest compliments ever today.
Maria was seeing my primary care nurse, and she was asked how I was doing. She said I was doing fine.
She told the nurse that even though I’m 75 years old now, she never thinks of me as old.” My primary care nurse smiled and said that I was always vital and full of life.
“There’s nothing old about Jon,” she told Maria. I blushed and turned red and was entirely moved. I can’t think of a better thing for my wife and primary care practitioner to say about me, both have been through many adventures together with me, and they are not over yet.
Inside, I beamed.
I am not old at all in my mind, but my body sometimes reminds me that I am. What am I going to be when I grow up, I often ask?
I was standing in line at the supermarket, and there were two men ahead of me; they were a married couple; one had a wedding ring, and they disagreed about something.
“Why don’t you act your age?” asked the man closest to me to his partner.
I didn’t hear the other’s response, but he was not happy.
I wasn’t either. In her book The Gift Of Years, spiritualist Joan Chittister wrote that “act your age” can be meaningful advice to a seventeen-year-old but not to someone who is seventy-five.
“When we start acting old,” she wrote, “however old we are, we’re finished. If we’re old when we start acting old, it’s even worse. Then, acting our age is a terminal illness.”
Amen to that. The fact that I may not seem old to people close to me is a wonderful affirmation of how I feel about being older. My wife and my doctor would know if anybody did.
In America, being old is often considered akin to acquiring a fatal disease that no one really wants to see.
Older people are invisible and are expected to go off somewhere quietly in the night to disappear in nursing homes or hospitals.
We don’t wish to see the elderly, they aren’t the right ages for advertisers, and nobody wants to see them get sick and die.
I have a choice. I can accept this, or I cannot. How others see me does not have to be the way I see myself.
I heard someone on the radio yesterday saying it was outrageous for anyone to suggest that people who are 70 should work as if that were a death sentence. When he’s that old, he says, he expected to be napping most of the day.
His fellow guest, the woman sitting next to him, said, “I am 71.” He had nothing to say.
When I hear something like this, which is often, I think of the old and tired farmers who work day and night well into their 70s and 80s and go off to their trailer parks in Florida and drop dead within weeks.
Their wives and friends tell me their lives were suddenly empty and without purpose. I always think they didn’t have to die that way. We wear ourselves down with old talk and old stereotyping and thinking to the point that we may be breathing, but we are not living.
When I was young, it was proper to have children and raise a family, then to find meaningful work and do it until I was older. Now, in my seventies, the only thing that is especially right and proper for me is whatever is going on now, at the moment.
For me, life is for the living; the idea of my living well is to learn to live life fully, breathe it and soak it up and find joy in it, and swim and revel in it.
The people who tell their children not to “never get old” are broken spiritually and lost in their lives. They forget the pain and turbulence of youth. Life is no picnic for anybody; we are each responsible for how we choose to live.
I don’t do old talk -“at our age” – when I have the chance to go out, I go, even when I am tired. And then I rest.
Early in the aging process, most of us learn to do old talk, are almost proud to stumble, and sometimes seem foolish. Some of my friends appreciate being seen as over. They say it’s liberating when nothing is expected of you.
I don’t talk much about my illnesses and medications. That is not the conversation I want with my friends or family. Suddenly, everyone I know is asking me about my health now, as if that is the only important or interesting thing about me. I say I’m fine. But they rarely get the message.
I don’t talk about my medications either or the cost of health care.
It’s boring and numbing; nothing is new to say about it. I’d rather spend the time doing somebody some good. The more I whine, the nastier I would get. I might get to be a tired old man, but I will work hard not to be a grumpy old man (yet another stereotype old men are expected to fill.) My life is not a complaint, and I will never speak poorly of it.
It is a gift, not a burden.
Old talk is poison to me. As a writer, I know that we become what we say. I’d rather take nice pictures and share them.
Joan Chittister, one of my favorite writers about aging, writes that living well has much to do with the spirituality of wholeheartedness and mindfulness, of seeing life more as a grace than as a tiring and painful penance. I have things to contribute.
My life is a time to be lived with the most eager expectation of its goodness, not to dread its changes, losses, or inevitable challenges – such as death.
I was not given life to suffer, even though I sometimes suffer like everyone else. I am given life to deal gracefully and honestly with the gift of being mortal.
I hope never to act my age.
When I fail to meet life head one, I fail to live it fully.
I am thrilled to have made it to 73 with a 76-year-old husband, We are both engaged, interested and curious about life. Sure we feel our bodies are not as spry and agile as they once were, but we have plenty of other things going for us. We plan to LIVE until we die. You inspire me, Jon, I’d like to be even more like you when I grow up.
Considering the age of our President, you would think people might have more respect!
I like this way of living. My friends are younger than I am (70) but they say they never think of me that age.
I just got my back fused so I am laid low for a bit. It started thinking not much longer in life but stopped. Looked at all that I did in my 60’s. I said I can get a lot done in 10 years. Changed my whole mood. I may not walk as fast or have a few stumbles along the way but my heart is on fire for living.
I didn’t feel old until March 2020.
It was 11:30pm. I’d just completed shopping . My groceries were being loaded into my car. My phone rang. “Where are you?” my daughter asked.. “Get home and stay there.!There’s a terrible disease that‘s hit our country. Older people are dying..”
I was 84 + yrs. old. widow.. I was still driving my own car. I drove myself to all of my appointments . I took care of myself and my cat. Sometimes, family members would help me complete difficult chores.
I was still acquiring art and decorative items for my condo.. I updated my bathrooms and installed safety features in my shower.
I had a few medical issues, but nothing serious.
.I was attending church and going to activities at a local Sr. center. I drove to my daughter’s home and participated in family celebrations.
I stopped driving and my car was sold.
My daughter began shopping for me. and handling my financial affairs.
My health issues became more serious. Now, my daughter accompanies me to my numerous medical appointments.
I’ve had two bladder cancer surgeries. Friday, I begin a new regimen for cancer treatment.
II’m finding it more difficult to remain upbeat.. I’m usually a positive person.
Although, the internet still puzzles me, I’m learning how to understand and use the net.
I read (currently reading 7 different books; one is Talking to Animals), three blogs and the local newspaper.
.I watch pre-recorded TV (primarily PBS mysteries)
. I listen to Jazz and Bluegrass.
At midnight, I enjoy my success with Wordle and Spelling Bee.
I’m a political junkie and I contact my politicians (local, state, national) about issues that are important to me (mental & physical health, education, voting, and civil rights, pandemic response, housing and intrafrastructure.) I’m enthusiastic that we have an experienced and knowledgeable President with a strong cabinet. To me his age is not a factor. He has plenty of help. We need to give him our full support I’m tired of politicians (especially Democrats who seem to eat their own) and dismayed with many state governors who seemed to have moved their offices into their churches. I’m disgusted with the House and also with recent SCOA decisions.
I’m very concerned about firearms violence and the power of the NRA. The angry voices are scary. Actually they aren’t that many, but they are loud!
I do FEEL old, but I THINK young.
II’m still hopeful for the USA and for myself.
Jon, Interesting post on aging. I’ve spent eighteen years in a volunteer capacity speaking with ‘seniors’ (and some younger people with physical or mental health challenges as well) clients whom we call to check on their welfare once or twice a day, medication reminders, social connections, and in my continuing volunteer work, I hear about growing old and how it feels and what it means to folks. And now, I am growing old. I remember my mother saying at the age of seventy-nine, “I don’t know who that old lady is looking back at me in the mirror, I don’t feel any older than half that age”. And now in my mid-eighties, I am living on and managing ten acres of land in the country, I have two Australian Shepherd, 12 & 10 1/2 to keep me company, I heat by wood though have an electric furnace as back up…and I realize that I am only as good as my health and my attitude allow. You are right, it’s up to us to be in charge of coping with our lives. But then, we are not entirely in charge of our bodies, we can be more of our minds. I am only as good as my health allows me to cope with my present living conditions. This morning, after a massive snow storm, I will have to shovel off my porches in order to get out my doors to take the dogs out to go potty, I will have to snowblow an area on the grass for them to access, snowblow my way to the driveshed for wood. I choose to live like this for as long as I possibly can. Life itself can be harsh, keeping our minds focused in a good direction is essential and not always easy. After living a very productive life, I am now looking after me. I am not used to looking after me. I’ve looked after four children at one point in my life, looked after husbands, looked after Bed & Breakfast guests for twenty-nine years until Covid hit. I work in my studio with my textiles, but I can tell you, growing old is not easy when our purpose in life becomes redundant. You are still a young pup, you have ten years on me.
Sandy Small Proudfoot, Canada
Thank you for this, Jon — it is inspiring and, for me, timely. I woke this morning with a great variety of pains and aches and began to feel “old”, I so much appreciate your words — a reminder that I refuse to feel “old”!
Amen, I am raising a glass of water with lemon to you right now. I feel the same way, age is just a number and I hope to keep increasing the number. Great article.
Thanks.
So true and wise. There are dear souls in my life who say “Uh oh, where’s my cell phone? I’m having a Senior Moment.” (Why can’t a Senior Moment be about being true and wise?) Or when they reminisce about anything earlier than 5G phone reception they’ll say “I’m ‘dating’ myself by remembering this, but…” (What’s wrong with knowing cool stuff that younger folks might find interesting?) People are taken aback when they hear that I put in a day’s work, or still have a job at all. “Why don’t you just retire?” Fortunately this attitude is by no means universal. There are plenty of people here from other countries who feel pleased to talk to an older person and enjoy hearing their perspective. This topic is good food for thought.
Well said Jon! Last year I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and the first thing some people said is…”Your life is over, there are going to be so many things you won’t be able to do anymore.” My response has been finding different ways to do the things I love instead of giving up on everything. It is life changing but not a death sentence. My new mantra is work smarter not necessarily harder. So far I haven’t given up any of my hobbies and it has been an adventure. Thank you for your blog, you inspire many, including me!!!