I touched off a small and gentle flap the other day when I wrote quite off-handedly that I was not especially interested in being humble right now.

This was met with confusion and consternation, as humility is perhaps the least controversial of the goals of spiritualism and the most admired. I often wrote about spiritual life; some people were startled or disappointed.

It’s worth writing about.

Almost no one outside of the MAGA world wouldn’t say humility is precious and important. But there are not many people I meet who are truly humble and living outside of a monastery.

I give Mr. Trump credit. He said what he believed. That’s why so many people like him.

Humility is a curious spiritual value that is often praised but rarely lived.

Like everyone else in the spiritual life business, I would love to be humble. I also know that most of the time, I am not.

I’m just being honest. What started this was reading some writings from Walt Whitman, where he wondered what the purpose and value of humility really is. He asked what the point of a value everyone preaches is, but almost no one lives.

Good question.

Millions of people all over our country claim to be Christians. But how many Christians are there, really?

I want to be humble, but I also want to be honest. I don’t know which one is the hardest.

In my deepest part, I know I would never have published five New York Times bestselling books if I was really humble.

Perhaps it is easier now to be humble since most publishers would consider me radioactive and I don’t need to kiss anyone’s ass.

They are probably right.

When I questioned my own humility, several people said I was humble, several said they were puzzled by my comment, and one man wrote that I obviously didn’t really know what humility was.

Another quoted Camus at great length and scolded me for my heresy. That message alone turned my humility a bit sour.

He assumed the only reason for my statement was that I didn’t understand humility.

I learned humility the hard way, as so many people do through failures, fear, mistakes, and much humiliation.

I know what humility means.

I have also learned what fighting for myself means and what speaking up for my work means. I wrote the Camus man that I can’t just embrace one dead philosopher’s view of the world.

Camus, like Whitman, was a thinker and not a follower. I strive to be the same.

I feel good about myself and happy about my life. I do want to shout that out to the world.

To me, that is not humility. At other times, I feel deeply humble, especially when I go to the Mansion or Bishop Gibbons High School.

And like Whitman, I like to surprise people, make them think, and occasionally kick up a little dust. I wish I could write poetry like him.

And trust me, he was never humble about his poetry.

Spirituality, and certainly humility, does not require me to embrace other people’s dogma, even though humility is the pinnacle of Christian virtue, says C.S. Lewis,

For me, humility is about understanding that I am not better than anyone else, that I don’t know more than anyone else, and that what I own and possess is not as important as what I give and offer to others.

I believe that those are hallmarks of my life, even though I can’t always live up to my goals.

I think humility is also about understanding just that – you’re on the road, but you may never get there.

Humility means never declaring victory or thinking you’re finished leading a spiritual life.

I work at it every day. But I also know that I am not a saint and am not looking for sainthood or spiritual perfection.

Part of spirituality for me involves self-awareness and reality.

Whitman and I do share some traits – he is outspoken, a bit heretic, and doesn’t mind stirring the pot. That is admirable for me, but not humble.

I love his belief in keeping my face to the sun and the shadows will always be behind me.

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self,” wrote Ernest Hemingway.

Beautiful words, but what I’ve heard and read about Hemingway suggests he was anything but humble, and often thought he was superior to almost everyone.

I hate hypocrisy as much as I hate anything. I see hypocrites as the lowest form of human life.

It’s easy to praise oneself but harder to live the humble way.

Authenticity isn’t just about mouthing Christian or other spiritual platitudes.

Sometimes it’s about thinking for yourself and telling the truth about who you are and who you might want to be. I want to be someone who can change, think, and make up my own mind.

To do that, humility often takes a back seat.

I like Mother Teresa’s guide to humility: speak little of oneself, mind one’s own business,  accept insults and injuries, accept being slighted, and forget and avoid curiosity.

OK, I’m three for seven.

Like Hemingway, I love the ideas but have trouble practicing them all. That is, I think, a full-time job.

I also believe humility for me is never telling other people what to feel, think or write.

And never claiming to be humble.

I learned this because, since writing in public online, long lines of people have lined up to tell me what to feel, think or write. Sometimes humility can be bad for one’s identity, ego, and sense of freedom.

Once in a while, telling some troll to blow it out of their ass is important, although surely not humble. It has made me stronger, more confident, and even healing in an unwelcome way.

I don’t need to do it any more.

Whitman asked what the point of humility is.

At the time, he was out pushing for his epic Leaves Of Grass, and he said he felt the need to be aggressive about it; he wanted to promote himself to talk about how good and important this was.

Humility didn’t always fit in for him, an honest conclusion I related to. I’t’s so easy to say I’m humble, period. But I’m glad I can’t.

If you write a book or draw your own paycheck, you can’t wait for God or good people to spread the word and sell it to you.  

I worked like a demon to sell my books.

The same goes for my blog.

I must get out there and speak out for myself and hustle, just like those old potion hustlers who traveled in wagons through the old West.

The truth is sometimes I need to be something other than humble.

I just need to be honest about it. And keep trying.