In his daily meditation book, Richard Rohr writes that even the simplest spiritual discipline is, to some degree, one of solitude and silence. And most people don’t like it.
“To be with our own thoughts and feelings is probably the most courageous act most of us will ever do,” he wrote. “Besides that, we invariably feel bored with ourselves, and all of our loneliness comes to the surface.”
He writes that without some kind of faith, most of us won’t have the courage to go into this terrifying place without a lot of love to protect and comfort us and override our self-doubt and fear.
Such silence, he says, is the most spacious and empowering technique in the world, yet it’s not really a technique at all. It’s the refusal of all techniques.
When I went running to the mountain in 2,000, I spent most of a year in solitude with two Yellow Labs, Julius and Stanley. I don’t know how courageous it was, but I remember how terrifying it was and still is.
I was never as naked and vulnerable as when I sat before a fire and underwent hour after hour of silence and weeks and months of solitude. I had a great deal of self-doubt, and the only love around me was the loyalty of those two dogs and some friends down the road.
I knew I could simply decide the truth about myself amid the real world’s distractions, noise, chaos, and demands. I had to go onside, on a mountaintop, where it was quiet, and I could be alone. I had the sense I would soon be leaving the normal and familiar behind. That was frightening all by itself.
The experience began my hero journey, always lonely and fearful treks.
It was in solitude and the space of loneliness and silence that I finally got a good and authentic look at myself, and that was a horror for me. It was the most terrifying experience of my life, as Rohr writes, which is why, I suppose, so few people want to do it.
Americans spend an average of seven hours a day staring at screens, injecting themselves with endless doses of violence, hatred, and disconnection. How can you be part of a community if you never go outside or offline? How can you find a way to see yourself and face the truth about yourself?
I teach a meditation class at the Mansion, as you know, and I always say there is no technique or right way to meditate, no right or wrong, no pass or fail. You look as deep into yourself as you can go, and if and when it gets unbearable, go back to your breath and breathe deeply in and out.
I find that older people are prone to meditation; they are often alone and free to think about their lives. The class works.
My year of solitude and silence allowed me to become more authentic and begin seeking the spiritual life that has grounded and enriched me. For the longest time, I couldn’t bear to see the truth about myself.
In time, I came to love myself, even to have meaning in my life.
People are shocked when I say I have no interest in being humble. I don’t think it’s good for me now. My new life is still fragile; I have to protect it.
I felt small enough as it was; I wanted to live a life I could be proud of, which would give me happiness and meaning. For me, humility was not what I needed.
I needed courage.
I needed the courage Rohr is talking about and the pride and determination. That’s what I got from solitude and silence. No regrets.
I never trust a colleague’s work until I see whether or not s/he is humble. Usually the truly humble reveal their humility early, quite young, no b.s’ing, professional, thorough, reluctant, careful about their conclusions.
Who are the greats inliterature who are humble? I think of Dr. Rieux in Camus’ The Plague as humble. His hard work, decency, seeing the big (Nazi) picture, and humility. Who in the political sphere? Almost nobody. Definitely Jimmy Carter. Maybe Biden, but I think he matured into it.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less. C. S. Lewis
I think we can all benefit from Mother Teresa’s view:
These are the few ways we can practice humility: To speak as little as possible of one’s self. To mind one’s own business. Not to want to manage other people’s affairs. To avoid curiosity. To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully. To pass over the mistakes of others. To accept insults and injuries. To accept being slighted, forgotten and disliked. To be kind and gentle even under provocation. Never to stand on one’s dignity. To choose always the hardest. Mother Teresa
https://instphil.org/humility-quotes/
Thanks Joel, very thoughtful message, I appreciate it. But I’m afraid we do have a different view about it. Humility is a choice not a moral obligation like any emotional or moral decision. It does not need to be a lifetime decision either. It is something that works at sometimes and not at others. I think thoughtfulness, and meaning comes from one’s ability and openness to change and grow and change and grow again, not just from long dead philosophers and writers. For now this works for me. If it doesn’t work for you, that’s your choice. I don’t really feel the need to follow mirror Camus or anyone else. He is not me, and I am not him. Those choices are for me to make. They could well change in the morning. That is, to me what real thought is.
PS. As long as are quoting, great minds, what Walt Whitman,who said. “What’s the use of being humble?”
In Al-Anon I was taught that being humble was being teachable. In that aspect I truly believe you are humble. Learning about being humble in that way gave me an entire new way of thinking about life. A life long commitment for me for sure and I’m 6 years behind you in age but 5 years ahead on that Hero’s Journey! Always exciting and rewarding.
I hope so, thanks…
Interesting about humility. I wonder if those who need courage being told to be humble is a block in their journey. The ultimate courage is facing oneself and finding the light beneath the tarnished layers.
Sr. Therese, a fav Saint of mine defines “humility is truth”. To see oneself as one truly is. In that sense I think you are a man who always tries to see the truth. In my personal definition humility is not so much a choice as a state of being. And some parts of us may be more humble than others. There is the joke in the spiritual life that the one who says “look how humble I am” is in fact the opposite, filled with pride. To be humble is not to think less of oneself but to see the self as one truly is.
Nicely put Lois