I had one of the best and most meaningful Dog Support sessions yet, with a woman in the Midwest who was concerned that her dog – whom she loves dearly – was restless and uneasy going into her friends’ homes.

Her loving and energetic working dog had been rehomed several times but seemed to have found a permanent and happy home with her.  Her new owner couldn’t be happier.

The owner – we’ll call her Jean (not her real name) describes her dog as a “great dog in every way.”

Her friends always ask her to come over and bring the dog, but “when I take him to a friend’s house,” she said, ” he paces, whines, and is unsure what to do. I just want him to be calm.”

The dog, she says, is gentle and sweet and loves to meet people. It is also clear that he loves his new owner, who loves throwing balls, taking him for walks, and being together.

He loves to chase balls outside but is quiet and peaceful in the house.

One of the first things I’ve learned to do in my Dog Support work (I studied attachment theory with a researcher at the University of Kentucky) and I know to ask about the emotions of the dog owner and the dog.

As we talked on our Zoom chat – I liked her immediately; she is loving, bright, and honest – I became increasingly puzzled as to why she cared so much about this issue.

She described the dog as “great” and their life together as perfect.

It doesn’t get any better than great; I said; why is this so important to her?” I asked. Why does an otherwise perfect dog need to go into strangers’ houses all the time and love it?

She paused, thought about it, and said it wasn’t too important to her, really. She loves her life with the dog. It’s important to her friends, who want to see the dog when she comes over.

Bingo, I said, it’s more important to your friends than to you or your dog.

Rehomed dogs, like rescue dogs, can be tricky since we never really know their history or the things that might trigger anxiety and restlessness.

Older dogs – this dog was three – already have a clear and entrenched worldview and clearly defined habits, and changing them can be very difficult and time-consuming.

And confusing to the dog.

I said we have to learn to let go of some things at times and focus on what the dog can do, not what it can’t or doesn’t want to do.

And we have to make sure we know what the dog wants and needs, not just what we want and need.

As our talks when on, I felt this was the wrong path for this woman and this dog. I couldn’t quite figure out why this was so important.

Our conversation affirmed that feeling.

I said it was beautiful to have a great dog, but even great dogs can be messed up by being forced to do something that a/was isn’t all that important and could increase their stress and anxiety.

The difference between a great dog and a problem dog is often not all that great.

As we talked, she told me about a recent visit to her home from a young girl, a relative who had suffered from some emotional troubles.

Her dog, she said, zeroed in on the young girl right away, and came over to be with her, cuddle with her, and stay close to her.

She realized that the dog had picked up on the child’s distress right away and stayed close to her the whole team she was visiting.

The girl’s father said the girl was fine, but the dog sensed otherwise, and the dog’s owner saw that the girl had problems she might be hiding.

The father later acknowledged that the dog was right and was grateful to have been alerted.

This was an important story, I said.

Had she considered exploring therapy work with the dog? I’ve had four therapy dogs, including Zinnia, and I recognized this behavior as something therapy dogs like Zinnia can do.

They spot anxiety and sadness and go right to the people experiencing it. They can spot them out of a big crowd.

Therapy dogs are intuitive; they can’t be trained to sense pain and fear; they have to feel it.

We don’t know why and may never know why, but something in her dog’s past made him restless and comfortable in other people’s homes. The dog had moved on? Perhaps she should let him.

The dog had no trouble going into stores, banks, and offices. I couldn’t see the point of stressing this dog when there are so many things he does like to do and so many places he wants to go.

Her heart didn’t seem to be in it. It was totally into working with her dog to comfort sick people and children.

The woman said she would love to do that kind of work with her; it would be something she has always dreamed of doing with her dogs.

He is crazy about meeting new people, including children.

Would you like to do that more than you would like to bring the dog to your friend’s house and have him lie still? I asked.

She said there was no question about it.

We agreed to keep talking (at no extra charge) about how to evaluate and train her dog for therapy work. I suggested that she contact assisted care or other daycare facilities to see if she could bring her dog and walk her around to see how she does.

Her dog has been around all kinds of people, and she trusts him entirely around other people. I will tell her about some further tests to make sure.

I thought this conversation was one of the best Dog Support moments yet. She was anxious about doing something the dog didn’t want to do and didn’t even want him to do it.

She wants to go to the next level with her dog. And I can tell she has the strength, will, and big heart to get there. She said this new direction is a dream, and she is furious to pursue it with me.

She was pushing the house visits because she thought it was the right thing to do and because her friends were pushing her to bring the dog. She was very excited about this new idea of therapy work.

We begin training and evaluation work next week.

I’m happy to work with her and help her deepen her love for her dog and the meaning he will have alongside her.

Dog Support is very meaningful to me. and perhaps to others as well. If you need dog support, you can find it right here.