It will perhaps always be difficult for me to hold the door while Maria goes outside in the cold and hauls firewood into the house with our L.L Bean wood trolley.
I always think I should be helping or hauling the wood myself.
I did this for years and then shared the chore as often as I could.
I realized last year that I couldn’t do it anymore; my back isn’t up to pulling things in that way, and neither are my knees.
Maria never complains about the hard work she does; in many ways, she loves the physical work that comes with living on a farm.
She is happy and enthusiastic about her life.
So am I happy about mine.
Letting go is one of the most powerful elements of the spiritual life I have been seeking.
Letting go of anger, resentment, grievance, panic, and fear. In many ways, growing older is about letting go with grace and self-awareness.
There are some things I can no longer do.
There are more things I can do now: take good pictures, cook good food, stay healthy, make good friends, and even learn to play the ukulele.
My love of dogs has taught me a powerful lesson about letting go. I decided that rather than mourn the loss of a dog that dies, I would instead get another one to love. That began my thinking about letting go, something I needed to do throughout my life.
I was so full of anger, resentment, and regret and was not healthy. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life that way.
I have learned to let go of the self-destructive ways I loved. I am learning how to handle money and plan and feel safe.
I am learning how to do good in the small ways of St. Therese. I am learning how to be a mentor to younger men and women. I am learning how to be a grandfather in realistic and meaningful ways.
I am learning to live in the present, not in the past or the future.
I am learning to be a father who listens and finds ways to support my daughter.
I am always learning how to support and encourage and love Maria, as she is also doing for me. That is a challenging and essential task.
I am learning how to forgive and live without complaint and self-pity.
My anger is melting away. I do not speak poorly of my life or my work. I do not accept other people’s attempts to label me or tell me what to do.
And I am learning to let go of the farm chores I have always loved and done with eagerness.
I can’t haul firewood anymore. That’s the reality of it.
There is nothing I can do about it other than to accept it and respect it. And let go.
But what I’ve lost and let go of is not what I dwell on.
Every day, I ask myself not what I can’t do, but what I can do. Every day allows me to do good, love well, and live a meaningful life.
G.K. Chesterson wrote that doing nothing is sometimes one of the highest duties of man.
I am beginning to understand what this means.
“In many ways, growing older is about letting go with grace and self-awareness.” Your blog this morning meant a lot to me. At almost 82, this week I’ve been fretting about some yard work that I can no longer do, but your words help me put it in perspective and begin to focus on the things I can still do, and let the rest go with grace. Thank you for your encouragement this morning.
Thanks, Charlotte, it’s a joy to get message like that.
I’ve had to let go of more and more physical activity and it’s likely I might be depressed, but a very kind man persuaded me to write a blog back in 2019, which gave me something else to focus on. Bless you Jon.
Bless you, Carolyn, you have a rich and admirable life..jon
Jon, I feel like letting go is probably the most helpful spiritual-growth tool, of all the many tools. It’s truly the only way that I can be free, seeing as no one but me, imprisons me. In the past, I didn’t know that I was limiting myself with old beliefs and old behaviors, I only knew that I felt terrible inside. Thanks to a 12-step program, I was introduced to exactly what those beliefs and behaviors were, and precisely how to let them go, and replace them with new, good-for-me (ergo others) beliefs and actions. Following you and your spiritual journey has helped me develop even more new tools and methods (such as meditation, reading different authors that you’ve read) for enlarging my spiritual life. I am reading Joan Chittester’s book, “The Gift of Years,” which I saw in one of your posts. Another soul-lifting read. So, thank you Jon, as always, for sharing your journey with us.
As I’ve grown old(er) I’ve felt myself re-hashing the past — wishing to JUST STOP IT! Today stretches before me and offers a new beginning. A counselor once recommended I read a book called. THE GIFT OF YEARS by: Joan Chittister — and especially the chapter on Regret. I find I need to re-read it . Being isolated these 2+ years has not helped. But following Jon Katz and several other Artists has given me much contentment and I thank you — the invisible people who might actually be reading this.
Jon, your thoughts of letting go are so clear and concise, giving clarity to what I too am choosing in my senior years. Tho I struggle with doing this. Rather in me
becoming this way consistently. I get frustrated and anxious with myself about the struggle to let go with finality and to always be going forward in thoughts and doing good. A constant process and hopefully progress is how I try to see it.
Have you written a book on this? And meditation that you speak about? I’m looking to add support for myself int this letting go journey.