We had a Bud scare yesterday.
He began panting, shivering, and was unable to jump up.
He kept worrying about an area near his kidneys and couldn’t even jump up on Maria’s lap, his favorite resting place. He looked awful and showed all the signs of a dog who had been poisoned, had kidney disease, or had eaten something toxic.
And it was Saturday night on a holiday weekend. It seemed as if Bud was having a stroke or seizure of some kind. I also wondered if he had not eaten something toxic.
Our regular vet was closed, and the nearest emergency clinic was two hours away.
It is also dreadfully expensive, two or three hundred dollars to walk in the door, plus treatment and medicine costs. And they have closed early ever since the pandemic.
I’ve never gone there.
We put Bud into his crate; he went to sleep peacefully.
Bud is a rescue dog from Arkansas and nearly died more than once at the hands of his previous owner, who kept him outdoors (no room) year-round for two years. Bud got heartworm and nearly died of exposure, malnutrition and starvation.
This morning, he seemed 100 percent active, loud and demanding, and full of himself. I’ll take him to the vet tomorrow, but if he stays this way all day, I will assume he ate something like a mole, mouse, or snake out in his little kingdom, and it didn’t sit well with him.
To be certain, we’ll get it checked out. But I won’t agree to take him to a veterinary specialist or to do anything that would unnaturally prolong his life or cause him pain and suffering..
It took months to get him well enough to be transported to us, and we paid more than $1,000 in medical fees.
Bud is likely to have recurring health problems as he ages. The rescue group that saved him spent months fostering and healing him and spent a lot more. I talked to the Arkansas vet, and he cautioned me that Bud had been seriously ill and I shouldn’t expect him to live a long and whole life.
Bud had been healthy this past year, his coat shiny, no more bones showing, and plenty of energy and personality. He thinks of himself as a lion.
He’s not the brightest bulb in the shed, but he is the most confident and determined, and we have come to love him.
When I saw him last night, my mind started spinning, as always happens when a dog of mine gets very ill. He was frightened, panting, circling, in pain.
I’ve been through this before, and the old checklist began running through my head.
How far will I go? How much will I spend? How can I justify spending thousands of dollars on dogs when so many people are in need?
I have a position on this that many people disagree with and find disturbing, but it is a part of my ethical belief system, and I’m sticking with it. Speaking only for myself, I do not believe it is moral or humane to keep a dog alive behind his or her natural life.
I’ve met some incredible and happy dogs who move on wheelchairs or wagons or live on machines, have specialist medications, and have surgeries that prolong life. I respect the choices of others, but I don’t believe in that. Maria agrees with me, we have talked about it often.
I don’t believe in that because too many vets have told me horror stories about dogs who suffer great pain and stress because people can’t or won’t let them go.
Seeing that is the toughest part of their work, they say, watching people justify a dog’s suffering because they equate that with love.
My idea of love of dogs is different. I sometimes love them by letting them go, not by playing God and hanging on to them.
I am not here to tell other people what to do or judge them, but last night I steeled myself to once again draw a line in my head before a decision had to be made if Bud was, in fact, as sick as he appeared.
I went down the list. I won’t go to dog specialists if Bud has a stroke or fatal chronic disease, as happened with Gus, our first Boston Terrier, and small dog. We decided to euthanize him when he showed signs of suffering, and there was no cure.
I won’t prolong his life.
When I first moved upstate, I came with Orson, a border collie I wrote about. He was damaged somehow and became aggressive, eventually attacking three people in one day, including a small child who tried to bet him.
I had spent more than $15,000 on holistic and specialist vets, behaviorists, veterinarians, shamans, and healers.
When I befriended a relatively poor neighbor down the road who was dying of ovarian cancer, I decided this was unethical to spend this much money on a dog while people like Silvia were dying alone, filthy, in pain, and without any help.
Cynthia had an awful death in an uncaring world. I won’t let that happen to my dogs.
When I saw Orson bite a child in the neck and draw a blog, I took him to the vet and had him put down. I was widely attacked and reviled for this decision (there are still websites devoted to hating me), but I would do it again in a heartbeat, only sooner.
I will never again have a dog that might hurt a child or anyone else or wipe out my savings to give to specialists and procedures. That is not love to me.
Spending that kind of money on animals seemed unethical and inappropriate, a distortion of the roles dogs have played in human lives. I believe perspective is the core and moral foundation of life, and I see people losing perspective with their dogs and cats all the time.
I take my stewardship of animals seriously. one of my primary responsibilities to my dogs is to protect them from unnecessary pain and suffering, not to prolong it for my benefit.
Dogs cannot consent to major surgery or bankrupt their humans. Surgeries and procedures are frightening to them and disorienting; I believe they often suffer greatly from the selfishness of humans.
And to be honest, I don’t have the money to do that, even if I wanted to.
So if Bud were critically or chronically ill, and there were no proven treatments available for him, and our very experienced and competent vet couldn’t cure him, I knew I would decide to put him down, with Maria’s consent.
Fortunately for us, it doesn’t look like it will come to that in this case; Bud got up this morning and started racing around the kennel, barking at the sheep (who ignore him, as well as Fate) to move away from his fence.
We don’t call him the Little King for no reason.
I hope I never have to make that decision again, but I know I will if I have dogs that I love.
But not today, it seems, not today.
I know that Saturday night of a holiday weekend panic mode well. Too well. I admire your compassionate, loving, yet practical and pragmatic approach to taking care of your dogs. Hope the Little King continues to feel better.
thanks Laura, I appreciate your message. Bud is his old obnoxious, domineering self…out stalking mice..
I’m pretty much on the same page with you here.
I wholeheartedly agree with your stance. As a responsible pet owner, I have had to make some of those same choices. I know there will always be those who have strong sentiments to the contrary and I just don’t understand them but I am not going to bash them. I have read your books before your blog and admired what you did regarding Orson. Thank you for being so honest all these years in your books and your blog.
Our twelve year old Jack Russell, Stella, has had these symptoms twice this summer. The first time we called our vet, thinking it was the end given her age, it turns out she has developed an intense desire to hunt tree frogs and toads. She has such a high drive to hunt that she won’t stop trying to catch and eat them.
Agree with your decisions too!
Yes, quality of life is a determining factor for the dog and the human. I totally understand.
I am fortunate that my vet is one of my oldest and closest friends( friends since kindergarten). She is wonderful at letting me know when enough is enough. My neighbors and I both lost 14 year old dogs recently. My vet did not let me prolong my dog’s suffering (less than 24 hours and would have been less if not for a snowstorm). My neighbors had the owner of the vet practice and the poor dogs suffered for days until they said enough. Feel very lucky to have my friend.
THANK YOU for this, Jon You and Maria have prepared clearly defined parameters ahead of à crisis for what you will and will not do for your animals. We have done the same, as best we can, to discuss the range of possible illnesses, disease, old age decline problems, quality of life… So that we know the limits to what we will do, or what we will spend and what is best for the pet (always).
Is it okay for me to save this blog post? For when I may need to be comforted by your wise words some inevitable day
Thanks Suzi, it’s important to have these conversations with a vet before a crisis emerges…Once you’re in it, you’re in it…
Of course Suzi, you can save any blog post I write or any photo..
Thank you, Jon. I remember your life with Orson. This is a very wise article and I hope people with older/ unwell dogs will take note.
Your long time follower from Co. Down, Northern Ireland
Best wishes to you both
Pat Bryson
I hope Bud stays well. And God Bless you for not keeping a dog that bites. Countless children’s faces have been damaged from dog bites and worse. I would not keep a dog that bites either, and I certainly wouldn’t let them near small children. Small children are not chew toys.
Thanks WJ, Bud is doing well..
First…I hope the little King is better. How is it that they have these emergencies on holiday weekends? Most of our emergencies were in “off hours”! I will never allow an animals to suffer. It is wrong to do so. As for the money…I know exactly how you feel. I cannot get my head around how good, hard-working people are going to have to get through this winter without proper heat (in England, specifically) while the wealthy are lazing around on their yachts in the Caribbean, or whatever. How do those people look in their mirrors and not despise themselves? My needs are small, but when I do spend money I always try to buy from small shopkeepers, local if possible or often from a charitable organization. I don’t know how else to do my part to equalize things. Yet when it comes to my pets….no, I won’t let them suffer nor subject them to procedures or medicines that will distress them. I’ve had to let many go, and I still have many dependent on me, so I have to consider them all, but within reason, I have to seek help. I cannot feel guilty about that because my animals give me the companionship and love I never had from people. I agree, we must take our responsibility very seriously. Sometimes I have made bad decisions with the best intentions and those are hard to live with.
It’s never easy, Carolyn…
You can justify spending thousands of dollars on cameras you don’t need, but you wouldn’t spend the same amount on your dog. Warped priorities!
My life speaks for me, Julie, not you…I believe in paying the mortgage as well as taking photos..yes, I choose to have dogs and my Leicas, for sure. Dogs are not the only things in my life.
So glad Bud is on the mend. I agree with you 100% and even more so now when shelters and rescues are bursting at the seams.
It’s true, loving a dog means making some hard choices; walking into a vet’s office is two or three hundred dollars now, a specialist can be as much as $5,000. I love my dogs and care for them well, but I don’t believe, as some people do, that I should sacrifice my life to keep them alive by all costs and any means. I just don’t believe in that.
I once let a dog of ours live a few weeks past his time, and I still feel guilty about it. No extra treatment, but he was in pain. I apologize to him periodically…not that he can hear it, but I feel I owe him an apology. Never did that again. Last year, when our dog was fading, we had the vet come to the house, and Jock-A-Mo died in his beloved kitchen. That was a great decision. We just adopted a ten year old dog….because I’m too old for a puppy. We adore her after only a month. No suffering for my animals. That’s the deal for me.
I did something like Lyda. A wonderful cat was showing mild symptoms, but I had to leave hurriedly to handle a problem cross country – back in a week. My sister, who kept dogs all her life, didn’t recognize the cat’s true distress as it grew and that great cat died in agony on the way to the vet. One of my deepest regrets.
Your points seem pretty sound, Jon.
As well, I think most everybody would admit that all living creatures are gonna die – so let’s stay real about this, try to keep some perspective. We’re talking about “when”, not “if”. Sometimes maybe it makes sense to adjust the “when” a bit (or a lot, when it’s something simple) if that does not really mess up something more important. And there _are_ things more important. But nothing changes the end game. Keeping that in mind may help with perspective and balance.
Regards,
Rufus
Dear Jon,
Forgive me if you already know this — you mention that Bud likes your sugar-free lollipops. If they contain Xylitol they can be dangerous for dogs. I learned this the hard way when I thought my dog had eaten a wad of sugar-free gum that I placed on a table. My vet told me to induce vomiting with a solution of hydrogen peroxide and water. No gum came up so I figured I just forgot that I had thrown the gum away.
We know thanks, Rosemary, Bud is fine…and he’s eaten quite a few lollipops over the past year.. We have them in a better place..
I wish I could look forward to being treated as humanely as you treat your dogs when it comes to my time to leave this earth. Keeping an animal alive when all that is left is suffering is simply evil, in my not so humble opinion. I have spent a good bit of money on dogs when the vet could assure me that what was wrong was curable, but that’s a choice I am able to make without threatening my financial security. My last Airedale had to have 2 surgeries to remove inedible and undigestible things from her intestines that she had swallowed. That wasn’t cheap, but she snapped back from both surgeries and lived several more active and healthy years! But that’s a totally different story. When she suddenly became very ill and the vet couldn’t diagnose the problem, I had her put down.