“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”   — Willie Nelson.

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I love Willie Nelson, last week marked his 90th birthday, and he has had an incredible, gentle, talented, and valuable run. Though his music often suggested otherwise, I never considered him a profound philosopher.

I saw his quote (above) about being positive, which got me thinking about who I wish to be and what I wish to be.

I turned  75 a few weeks ago, and you’d think I’d have a pretty good idea by now, but I’m still working on it. I am a lifetime home improvement project, I’ll never quite finish it, but I’ll never stop trying.

I’m also fond of a book by the Spiritual Parker J. Palmer called Let Your Life Speak, which I was reading last night, and he also got me thinking about the same thing I always think about.

He discovered in mid-life that his life was not the same as the life he wanted to live inside of him. In the poet’s spirit,” he wondered, “what am I meant to be? What am I told to do? Who am I meant to be?

I believe I’ll be emotionally and spiritually dead when I stop asking those questions. For me, the choice is not about who or what to vote for. It’s not about politics.

Most of us rush through life without the chance or perhaps the freedom to step back and look at what we want to be. It takes a lot of energy to survive and be safe in our culture.

Everything is constantly changing.

The politicians are getting meaner, and the corporations that rule our lives are greedier, the summers are getting hotter, the wells dryer.

We are like sponges to them; they squeeze every drop out of us and then come back, calling it good management and capitalism.

I look at the news sometimes and wonder how I got to be living in a Dystopian novel.

 

 

It’s a difficult time to choose to be optimistic over being angry, fearful, and hostile.

So for me, this time is about the idea of being positive. I know how I feel about politics.

It’s about being compassionate,  being empathetic, and kind. It’s about looking at the world with hope and positivity and thinking more good thoughts than evil thoughts.

It will require some work on my neural system and lots of patience, for which I am not well known.

And I don’t have any dogma or intense religious faith to power my ambitions.  The ministers are getting to be as bad as the politicians.

I’m on my own, like most of the people reading this.

But I’ve learned that change is possible at any age.

I am flawed in many ways, but one of the most significant flaws is the anger and hurt smoldering in me, the echoes of a childhood filled with cruelty, abuse, ridicule, and terror.

A friend of mine and I share the same joke.

She’s a Jersey girl, and when somebody speaks rudely or cruelly to her, she tells them to “blow it your ass!”

I love that kind of honesty, and I’ve begun to do the same thing in response to the people who send me hurtful or cruel messages.

I admit that it feels good; I learned on the streets of Providence that if I didn’t speak up for myself, nobody else would, and if I didn’t challenge the unkind people, I’d get eaten alive.

A Dyslexic bedwetter riddled with anxiety had better learn to speak up and fight back when attacked. It’s an old and deep habit.

I’m doing better in many ways. I am doing more good than I ever imagined possible, and that is both healing and profound.

I love my help and have everything I want and need.

That’s pretty positive. I am judgemental, but I don’t really hate anyone, even those who hate me.

But I still have choices to make, like what Willie Nelson said.

Slowly and painfully, I am learning to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

It takes work and self-awareness, and honesty. It’s tough.

There is still too much anger in me, but less than ever, and I get up every morning full of gratitude for my love and positive thoughts about the day I want to have.

My life with Maria and my work with the Mansion residents and the refugee children have been a gift to me. It’s hard to stay negative in the face of good.

Doing good is a better choice for me than being angry or cruel. It is the best choice.

Being positive is an even wider choice.

I have no interest in being a saint. I want to be a better man. Some men are busy ruining our world; I’d love to be one of the men who helps keep it alive.

I understand the divine power of compassion and empathy.

My choice is whether or not to expand my ideas about positivity or to share them with anger and resentment.

The hard work never seems to be done.

This is not about politics; this is about me. It’s about positive thoughts,

Positive thinking has become a suffocating notion to many people, a target for cynics, priests, and broken spirits. Positive thinking is the stuff for sermons, sappy cards, and an endless series of cliches.

Social media is many things, but positive thinking is not one.

I don’t see kids learning it on TikTok or Instagram.

Positive thinking is not hip or fashionable but out of favor, too squish in a cynical and aggressive society of victims, social warriors, and wannabe influencers.

Everything I consider positive – education, freedom of life and choice, community, a government that supports my freedom and security – is under fire.

Suddenly, many things I took for granted in life are no longer to be taken for granted.

How to navigate this without turning negative and joining our nation of victims?

How does one respond positively when people accuse you of “micro-aggression” for getting lazy or confused?

Being complicated doesn’t mean being hopeless. I mean to work on this. That’s who I want to be.

That’s how I wish to feel.

This has gone way beyond the disputes of democracy but has become something else, something frightening and menacing. Perhaps my flowers are ruining me.

I don’t think I can love flowers and be a negative hard-ass at the same time.

I want my life to speak for me, not the labels others put on me or the taunts meant to provoke me.

So how does positive happen?

Nelson and Palmer are helping me to come to my choice. I’m ready to deal with this.

I will hang onto “blow it out your ass” for a while because you sometimes have to stand up for yourself in our world.

And I don’t entirely trust myself to be positive always; old wounds heal slowly.

I’m not quite ready to be defenseless, and I fear the anger can build up with me and blow all aspirations to pieces.

It has happened many times.

My choice for the challenging years ahead, 2022 and beyond, climate change, and scary political forces are to face these challenges with hope and strength.

I am learning that this is what I am meant to be.

This is what I am told to do.

My choice is to work to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts – courtesy, listening, gratitude, love, and appreciation.

As sappy as it sounds, that is where the good parts of life come from.

That is where the young people I know are heading. Sincerity will come back. So will honesty. So will compassion.

I can feel the winds stirring. Hatred and dictators accomplish nothing.

And we have a lot of problems to face. It’s the right time for the good guys who want to help, not hurt. That’s a wonderfully positive idea to me.

I believe good spawns good,  compassion breeds compassion, and positive thoughts spark positive thoughts.

I have in my desk an old Quaker saying that I love:” Let Your Life Speak.”

I think that has to go back up on my wall.

I think that’s part of the answer for me. Trust my life and let it speak for me. I can let go of that.