Message to me: “Maybe honor her (Georgia Okeeffe) by learning how to spell her last name correctly. Just a thought! “- Adam Cranston.
I learned something important tonight, and I am eager to share it before it fades into my emotions and consciousness.
Sometimes, I feel I am changing so fast I can’t keep up with it. My life is a long string of mistakes, corrections, revelations, and change.
Adam Cranston, who I don’t know, meant to be snarky when he sent me the above message, as is the common custom online, but he was also truthful.
And he may have corrected and taught more than he knew or understood.
As I often (always) have, I misspelled the artist Georgia Okkeffe’s name in a post I wrote today about how I wanted to honor her with my photos.
Okeeffe was a marvelous artist, but she was also a good marketer, and she made herself distinctive in every way, including the spelling of her name.
She was born Georgia Totto O’ Keeffe on November 15, 1887. That’s her real name.
I’ve read many books about her, visited her home, and bought some of her prints. But until Adam’s message, I don’t think I ever grasped the proper spelling of her name, nor did anyone else ever mention it to me.
That is remarkable, really, given how often her name is mentioned by me and others.
In keeping with the culture, Adam was superior and snide, but he was also correct. I changed the spelling, somewhat embarrassed but also relieved. She is important to me, and I owe her the correct spelling of her name, although this isn’t quite the Capitol assault or the Ukraine War.
The real issue for me is bigger and more significant. It’s about how we have degenerated as a nation when it comes to knowing how to talk with one another.
Adam may be one of those lucky people who never makes a mistake, but I am not so fortunate or know anyone who doesn’t also. I am happy to stand before you and own up to that.
My idea of humanity is embracing empathy and understanding that we are all flawed; we all make mistakes, misread and misunderstand, lie, harm the people we love, do things we regret, lose our temper and act out.
I’ve never met a saint in this world and don’t expect to. I have no desire to be one.
More and more, I realize that I will be defined by how I treat other human beings; that is what humanity is all about, even though I stumble and fall all the time.
Our deteriorating ability to talk with one another already has staggering consequences for our culture, communities, schools, health care, public policies, and political systems. Because we no longer can talk to one another, we can no longer work together or come together to solve our problems. For a democracy, that is Code Red.
Our whole civic system is frozen in a web of hostility, grievance, and contempt for the other, an eternal struggle that nobody seems to win.
That is what Donald Trump is all about and his followers with him.
He is unable to open his mouth without lying or being cruel or divisive. So are so many of the people who “talk” to one another through uncontrollable digital systems.
I can’t blame my Dyslexia for misspelling Okeeffe’s name, as I have always misspelled names for much of my life so often that I usually Google them to make sure.
The odd thing was that I did Google Georgia Okeeffe’s name, and I still didn’t get the correct spelling right in my head.
I was stung by Adam’s letter, as he meant me to be, and my first thought was to trash or delete it, as I increasingly do with snarky or nasty messages.
But something held me back, a voice in my head urging me to stop and think. I thought better of it. I had something to learn.
Why not correct the misspelling, thank him for it, and move along? Isn’t that the right thing to do?
Isn’t this a part of taking responsibility for myself and who I am? I write a lot, being distracted, and make mistakes a lot. I always have, and I always will—time to own it.
There’s a whole nation of people out there who seem to get an almost sexual kick out of correcting people, and that is often both rude and obnoxious to me (my grandmother told me not to be nasty to people unless they were offensive to me).
But they are often correct, even as the idea of minding your own business fades from our society.
They can be annoying but that doesn’t mean that they are wrong or that I need to be defensive, apologetic, angry or hidden about who I am.
As a kid, I was often oppressed and bullied and ridiculed, not only for my Dyslexia but because I was nerdy, weak, terrified, and shy, a bookworm and a bed wetter who often had accidents in class and school.
I learned the rules of the middle school playground – fight or die – and brought them into my life. People like Adam don’t offer thoughts; they offer ridicule with a dose of contempt when all they are doing is truthfully correcting a fact. It’s not exactly the stuff of heroes.
Think of how different the exchange would have been if Adam had written me this note: “Jon, I know you care about Georgia Okeeffe and wish to honor her, but you may not know that you are misspelling her name. I thought you’d want to know. Best, Adam.”
Why, I wonder, have we forgotten to speak to one another civilly or respectfully rather than embrace the dialogue of contempt, cynicism, and cruelty?
Why was Adam gloating instead of simply informing? I don’t know the answer.
I can’t speak for what others say or do, only what I say or do. I can work hard to learn how to talk to people respectfully and patiently. This doesn’t mean becoming a doormat; trolls are not into learning or humanity.
But I can be more thoughtful about how I communicate. I don’t want to forget how to talk to other people.
In this way, the Internet would be a most helpful place for people who work hard and struggle to keep accurate tabs on all the information that runs through their lives.
My grandmother was correct; we fight back when attacked – just look at Twitter, Facebook, or the news. We forget to learn to speak with one another, especially if the talking is such a cowardly medium; we never have to look into anybody’s eyes when we send them nasty messages.
I imagine the conversation would have been very different if Adam and I were in the same room or cafe.
Perhaps that’s the disease of the Internet; it is so easy to be cruel that it is becoming as easy to be cruel in return. I think it was a milestone for me to thank Adam, fix the error, and move on. I don’t have to like him. He was right.
I am changing who I am all the time, and I want to be better, healthier, and bring some light into the world with my words, photos and
I have no editors or fact-checkers, and I write a lot. That’s how I want to do it.
Adam has the right to send the messages in any voice he wishes, and I have be better about my responses. Mistakes are how we learn, there is no shame in them.
This matters. None of us are perfect in this world. Almost everyone who messaged me about Okeeffe made the same mistake I did. I won’t write them any snarky notes. It’s so easy to do.
So thanks once more, Adam, you helped me spell her name correctly and honor her appropriately, but I think you also taught me much more.
For that, I am grateful.
The gods willing, you might learn something also.
Jon….People today are so quick to correct, critisize (sp) etc. I think you gave this guy way too much time on your blog today. I see spelling errors all the time as I am sure you do as well but in the grand scheme of things does it really matter…..I think not. Have a good evening.
I don’t understand the need to be correct at the expense of someone’s feelings. There are ways, as you have said, to educate without being smug or snarky. It does sometimes take a little more thought and skill with the language, but I find that it’s very much worth the effort. We seem to live in a world where casual cruelty is now a sport and people gleefully keep count of the points they have scored at the expense of another. These are sad times.
This one made me weep Jon, it’s so close to the bone. Thank you. It’s such a triumph to over come these wounds. Everything people do is about their looking glass, it’s so hard to remember.
Thanks Rose, I feel good about writing it.
My mom use to say “take the high road, there’s less traffic.” Your response to Adam’s comment was a good example of that philosophy. A keeper to reread when I have the impulse to be snarky instead of kind.
Your mom would have liked my grandmother. It is easy to be snarky and free true. Thanks for your message.
There is a new Georgia O’Keefe musical at the Carriage House in Lake George.
Thanks Kathy
Thanks Kathy, I was just reading about her unhappy time at Lake George, before she found her identity and moved to New Mexico. I went by their house on a boat last year, it was neat.
Yes, I believe Georgia disliked green plant life. And you must have enjoyed a steam ship ride…so special to get the perspective from the beautiful lake.
Jon, your way of “learning in the open” here and sharing of it has inspired me to keep pushing my toes and feet deeper into opening up myself. Because of this I’m finding all the lost pieces of myself I’d hidden over the years and it feels like a wonderful reunion of self.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so open and continuing to share your lessons with us. It shows us we are not alone and encourages some folk like me to do the same.
Ray
Thanks Ray, this piece was important to me, and I thank you for understanding why I right it. A lot of people won’t, but I see that many people relate to it. I want to keep writing about the subject, I think it’s an issue of the time. I appreciate your message.
Re the Cranston comment: While he could have more politely and less brusquely offered his correction, you, on the other hand, used your blog to try to humiliate him. This is an unkindness I have not seen in you before.
A stoic philosopher would not have taken offense.
Sincerely,
Mike B.
Olympia, WA
(Your photos as always are lovely. And in this case a fitting homage to the artist.)
Mike, I’d be interested in your thoughts about the piece’s point – how we speak to one another in America. But there aren’t any thoughts about that, which is why I wrote the music. Adam is not necessary to me.
You didn’t seem to notice the whole idea of this essay or think about it. The point isn’t whether or not I’m a nice guy. I’m not Dr. Phil. I’m either a bad writer, or you’re a careless reader. I see that people online will fight hard to excuse and enable others to be rude and obnoxious. Anyone who challenges them is a meanie and a bully.
Adam gave me the perfect example to use to raise an issue I think is very important, even though you have nothing to say about it and didn’t seem to notice it. I took advantage of the post and am very happy with the piece. It said just what I wanted to say in the way that I said it. That doesn’t mean I am right. It means I wrote what I believe, and Adam was the least of it.
I’m interested in the idea that people fight for the right to be rude, and questioning this rudeness is deemed cruelty. He could have said it better is a foolish defense in my mind. We all could say everything we say better. So what?
I think you have it backward; Adam doesn’t get a free ride any more than I do or should.
I have no desire to be a stoic philosopher and would be horrified to end up that way. This isn’t 400 B.C., the stoics are not my life counselors. This response was pretty restrained for me; you can’t be reading the blog too often.
Thanks for the lovely comments about my photos. Best to you.
Jon, I am a recovering corrector. I had to learn in counseling where my need to correct other people came from – a lack of self-love and self-respect. I tried to get it by being superior to others to “show them how smart I was” by showing them how dumb they were. An ugly character defect, for sure. And maybe even typing this is a form of correcting Adam? I don’t know. Restraint of pen and tongue is best, I suppose.
Interesting message,Karla, thanks
I didn’t take the comment about name spelling as snarky at all. Just goes to show how written words can be read one way or another; if you say those same words with a smile it comes out as friendly!
We all react differently Jill, we are all different people. The point of the piece was not about Adam, but about the way we talk to one another. Your message helps us understand what it is important to think before we send..
Jon, I so love reading your blog, especially when you get into “people stuff” like how we express ourselves. Sometimes I have to remind myself we can say something from a point of pain, stress, ignorance, or bad habits. Your discussion is truly helpful to me, to consider the whole picture, and as a reminder that I have choices in how I respond to someone, as you do with Adam and others. Thank you.
Jon,
After reading you for twenty years, If I worried about the mis-spellings, I would miss the meaning of many of the posts. To me, it’s just who you are. You have always been upfront about it. I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. So, it doesn’t bother me in the least.
I will add my mother’s old adage she told me many times: If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.
What I will never understand about this new digital society is, that if you don’t like the content, change the channel. Why do so many feel the need to be rude and snide? Just move on.
Thanks, Ed, nice message, it seems everybody’s mom told them that, but only a few listened.
My Mom used to say, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” I’ve tried to live by this adage my whole life but it is very challenging at times. There is a vast difference between constructive criticism and callousness. I’m so disheartened by the cruelty that abounds in this country now. Thank you for your post. It’s a reminder that we can offer our viewpoints but it can be done with kindness and not cruelty. Have a blessed day.
When you wrote this message, it was like you were inside my head, saying my words. You are so SPOT ON!! Thank you for your sensitivity and honesty. You are an amazing man!!
The message I take and for which I’m so grateful is to love people for their foibles. We are all imperfect. I’ve been mired in annoyance with someone who is contrary and self-centered when I should help her by kindness instead. Thank you, Jon.
Thanks Diane, that is the message, not who is nice or not.