A big week for me was coming up. Tomorrow we try again to kick start a men’s group at the Mansion.
This is new ground for me. I’ve begun men’s groups before (three times, twice successfully), but never a men’s group compromised of men in elder care.
I want them to tell me what they want, not the other way around, but this is something they are not used to, and I will have to handle it skillfully and patiently. Patience is not my strong suit. Here’s a chance for me to get it right.
I think there is genuine interest on the part of the men in the Mansion, and several have shared their hopes for the group with me. I’m still unsure why nobody showed up last week; perhaps I’ll have a better idea tomorrow when we try to meet again.
On the other hand, I could drop it. It may be something nobody needs to talk about. This is new territory for me, and I want to do it thoughtfully and adequately. But I don’t want to push it if the will or interest isn’t there.
This is a challenge for me, and a chance to learn something about myself and about the needs of other people. I’m ready. I feel like saying a prayer for this group, but I don’t pray much. If you pray a lot, say one for the group.
On Wednesday, I’m spending much of the morning with my dentist, doing some gum and decay work on my upper teeth. I don’t even want to think of the bill. I am warned to take it easy for the rest of the day.
It’s a lot of dental work in one shot, and I have every confidence in my dentist, Dr. Merryman. He is as nice as his name suggests.
On Thursday, Maria and I will drive out to Schenectady to Notre Dame-Bishop Gibbins High School, the new home of Sue Silverstein and the refugee children in the Albany Area. There are refugee children from Asia, Africa, Afghanistan, and Ukraine.
I have an appointment to meet the principal there, Kiante Jones, in the morning. He’s heard a lot about the Army Of Good from Sue Silverstein and is still reeling from a $40,000 tuition support donation from a member of the Army Of Good.
And I’ve heard a lot about him – all good.
Maria is especially interested to see Sue’s vast and exciting art classroom, which runs about a block long. She’s hoping Maria will do some sewing classes there. I think she will. Sue is very excited about the new set-up, and all of her refugee students are going with her.
Sue is also in charge of the school’s community service program (there is a nursing home right next door), which is mandatory at all Catholic Schools, and something she loves to do.
So life goes on. And on. I am fortunate to have such exciting and meaningful work ahead of me.
An Army Of Good is the right idea for the times.
Hi Jon, The thought just occurred to me – I wouldn’t show up for a group, of my gender or any ways, if the primary and first order of business is to say what I want! If I’d settled into a habit of being told what I get, and learning to (as best as possible) like what I get, then suddenly be expected to know and request out loud what I want is daunting indeed! Please intuit from your heart what you could possibly discern what they want. Then listen with your heart open for cues (they will give it) what they like, and give them more of what they respond well to. They will find their voices. They already have said they want a men’s group, that’s big, and just about right for what they can say now. They will come forth and be true in their own authentic time.
thanks for this thoughtful and useful advice, Nancy, it’s a good point. My hesitation is that these are people who have little authority or control in their lives, and they are very susceptible to the wishes of others. I first want to know what it is that they really want, but if necessary or asked, I will talk about my feelings. Thanks for this very helpful message.
Jon, I love all of the flowers. Will Mike Tolan also be at the new school?
Yes, he will be working in the office..
JonK:” these are people who have little authority or control in their lives, and they are very susceptible to the wishes of others”
This kind of statement is condescending. No wonder they hesitate. They’ve seen and heard you around. Hopefully you will do some self-examining and listen to the men and their subtleties and not project you own (uninformed, unfeeling) views on them.
Don’t avoid the truth by your “social media” fallacy defense. Such a cliche now.) Self examine and evolve.
And mansplainin is for a minority of 20somethings.
Good for you, James, still believing you can tell me what to say. Hope is eternal. I take from your message that you have never set foot in an elder care facility, male or female, thus all the PC bullshit. If there is a social media defense, I haven’t heard it. (Re: The Death Of The American Mind, by Harold Bloom)
What a person “wants” can be a request or demand. True, some people feel uncomfortable verbalizing their wants if they’re not assertive.
Maybe a more enlightening question, for the leader to ask is: what do you hope to gain or have happen in your life as a result of attending this group?
I led groups for many years in a psych hospital and then in school groups; I often asked the above question right out of the gate.
Still wondering if High Five Jesus statue will be joining Sue, Mike, the students, you, Zinnia, and Maria as you move on to the new High School. I do hope so!!
I think it would like to stand outside Sue’s classroom.
Art of all kinds are sources of comfort, encouragement, and delight.
This one especially offers an example of how to trust and how to live with hands up and outward.
I believe high five Jesus is going to Schenectady