2 July

Poor Fanny. She Just Wants To Brush The Bugs Off And Eat Some Grass. The Yentas Are Calling Her Fat

by Jon Katz

July Fourth, Fanny and I are on the firing line again. I haven’t annoyed people for at least two days, and we have a holiday to go through. I’m catching up.

Poor Fanny. All she wants to do is eat fresh Spring grass and brush those bugs off her coat. They are getting on the ass of the ass on social media.

One of the annual dust-ups we have here on the farm is the annual Donkeys-Are-Too Fat squabble.

At the end of winter, Lulu and Fanny were relatively lean; even the farrier commented on it. About a month ago, we opened our pastures for them to graze, and the grass is tall, rich, and thick.

They and the sheep have all ballooned out a bit, drawing the usual warnings, alarms, and observations about them getting fat. They are paying close attention to our donkeys, assuming perhaps that we aren’t smart enough to do that or notice.

There are many amateur vets out there, and they love to diagnose other people’s animals online. Some people love warnings more than sex.

In my 15 years of living with donkeys, they have all gained some weight every year in May, June, and July.

Then, in August,  the grass browns and thins, and they begin losing weight. I believe it’s good for them to gain some fat for the winters, which are harsh up here.

So yes, they sure are getting plump. And I’m happy about it. It helps them during the cold time.

Below is a photo from the Alamy Health Donkey Photo Stock. Donkeys are supposed to have rounded bellies. Check this image of “healthy donkeys.”

(This is what healthy donkeys are supposed to look like)

In online America in 2022, almost everything is controversial and worthy of debate and argument.

Everybody’s business is everybody else’s business, and the Internet now has a small nation of people who get off on telling other people what to do.

People no longer hesitate to tell me what to do, think, and how I should be aging. They get agitated when I speak my mind too freely, a persistent problem for a person with such a big mouth.

And I am not as gracious as I should be for all this unwanted advice. I call these people yentas after my grandmother’s not complimentary label for the yenta kvetches (busybodies)  of the Yiddish world. They love social media.

Like the fool I am, I often squawk about these warnings and observations, slow to realize I am becoming the little boy with his finger in the dyke, a scold and grumpy whiner.

I’m too stubborn to quit but too smart to take it too seriously.

I am ashamed to admit that it is often fun, something E.B. White often wrote about in his One Man’s Meat columns from his farm in Maine. (He was my inspiration for the Bedlam Farm Journal. He warned me.)

I need to stop wasting my time (and yours.)

I have as much chance of discouraging the online amateur vets as I do to discourage the yentas who know everything and believe Gold told them to tell other people what to do. I never imagined Little Fanny would get caught in this annual dispute over her belly, but here we go again.

It doesn’t seem to be discouraging her grass-eating.

The people who tell me I am often too nasty and disrespectful of my critics are correct, and I’m working on it. One woman wrote that I was a black mark on the aged, who are not supposed to be argumentative and nasty. She thinks I should be sweeter. Good luck, says, Maria.

It does seem to be an ingrained part of me. I’ve had many other psychological issues; this one never seemed urgent. I have problems with people I believe to be arrogant and intrusive, even if they’re not. So I get arrogant in response, which is not the best response.

I often think like Frankenstein the Monster: I am like this because you made me like this. But I need to take responsibility.

It’s never too late to get better, this is the good thing about mental illness, I get to recover every day. I love challenges.

 

 

(The latest photo of Fanny tonight.)

My shrink says I’m a good person, and I shouldn’t fret too much about it. There are millions of people out there, she says, and you are a strong person with many strong opinions. Lots of people won’t like you or what you say. Suck it up.

We were once a nation of hardworking people, but as July 4th approaches, I have to observe that we are now a nation of people with too much time on their hands. I cannot believe the number of people with anything else to do but mind the business of others, including me. Social media is a blessing and curse.

By late November and December, the donkeys are back to their winter weight, seeking sunlight to stay warm.

There is absolutely no way I know of to keep them from gaining weight when they return to wolfing down fresh grass in the Spring. They have to eat, and even when we limit their grazing time, they eat heartily. I’m not limiting them to dry grass in the summer or locking them up in the heat.

Every vet we have ever had says this is natural and nothing to worry about.

When I point that out to the Fat Division Of The Social Media Police, they scold me for being defensive and challenging, a charge that is very often true but somewhat irrelevant to the discussion. I never accept criticism, they say; I lie about things to look good and cover my ass.

They have more elaborate conspiracies than Texas Republican Congresspeople. I wish I were that smart.

Don, the newest member of the Fat Donkey And Jon Katz Study Group, wrote this today on my blog comments: “Anytime Jon reads, what he thinks is a negative comment, he becomes very defensive. Fanny is carrying some extra pounds.” Another online vet opens a practice.

Old Jon Katz (now mentioned in the third person on my own website) is just thumbing his arrogant nose at the wisdom of strangers once again.

Don is too smart to go for it. God Bless Don.

Poor Lulu is just too fat. That’s the line.

These people cannot possibly be wrong ever. Since I often feel the same way, clashes are inevitable.

I try not to tire of annual controversies; they are each valuable in their way. They are a test of my growth and resilience. And they do mark the passage of time.

I’ve made some progress. I don’t say what I want to say most of the time – mind your own business. I try to respond openly and courteously, but I’m sorry that I still fail too often. Just delete them, says a voice in my head. It’s getting louder. And it’s true; it’s very satisfying to do that.

And you know what? I laugh now more than I used to, a good sign. I’ve decided to have some fun with it.

I love the photos of Lulu and Fanny rolling in the dust or the ashes of our solstice fires. I’ll keep taking pictures every July and working to make myself better.

As I look out the window, Fanny and Luly are chowing down in ankle-high grass, the happiest donkeys in the world. More power to them.

24 Comments

  1. Jon…
    In earlier years, experts predicted that automation would make our lives easier. The 40-hour work week would become history. A major issue in our lives would become, how to be productive in our leisure time.

    We haven’t solved that one yet.

  2. To each their own! I have heard the same warnings and yet my donkey , Willow has just reached her 19th summer! I am asked, “Is she pregnant?” Well? If she is we’ll name him Jesus! Fanny looks healthy and happy! Just my two cents worth from another donkey enthusiast of at least 34 years experience!

  3. this makes me laugh, Jon. We had 2 donkeys- one a Sicilian who was prone to gaining weight, and a wild burro that we adopted from a BLM roundup in New Mexico. She never gained weight no matter what we fed her but the Sicilian was prone to gaining weight seasonally. Rotationally grazed them in spring, then supplemented with hay in summer when there was no grass. I asked the Vet when he came for yearly visits….whether they were overweight. He looked at me and said *donkeys originated in a place where they survived by eating dirt. Confine a donkey in any way, provide it with food, and it will gain weight seasonally. Just keep an eye on ’em and don’t let them develop fat rolls on their necks and you’ll be fine and so will they*. Thanks for conjuring up a fond memory for me today………… you’ll never get any fat shaming donkey comments from me!
    Susan M

    1. Blessings Susan…I put up some healthy donkey photos on the blog just now….You know of what you speak…

  4. Most people, including me, know very little about donkeys. How you can tell a donkey is too fat from a photo of it rolling around on its back is beyond me!

  5. Oy vey! For Pete’s sake! For heaven’s sake! Holy cannoli! Son of a gun! Gute Trauer! Auch du lieber gott! Buon Dio!
    Fanny looks fine and beautiful to me! But, I’m not a doctor; I only play one on TV! 🙂

    I LOVE how you are having fun with this, Jon! 🙂

  6. These are the very best blog posts!! “ You should be sweeter””Good luck says Maria” AHA!!

    1. Actually, I know Jane, I imagine God has his hands full. He had about 30 proofreaders in the New Yorker editing department take turns going over his column, which he wrote every month or so. His copy was quite clean. I have me and some grump proofreading software that makes more mistakes than I do. If you want to hire a dozen or so proofreaders for me (I write an awful lot) I’ll be happy to consider it. Otherwise, you’re stuck with the real me.. 🙂

  7. Your donkeys look perfectly healthy to me. I have to laugh- my husband and I have a standing joke about our winter and summer fat. Ours is the opposite of the donkeys; we lose in the summer and gain in the winter. It must be that our grazing is heavier foods in the winter. In the summer we are mostly vegetarian. Anyway, I love how much you love your donkeys. They are so clever

  8. Jon, I can’t imagine not being annoyed at those who like to criticize under the guise of being “helpful.” My counselor has taught me that if no one is asking for my input, then keep it to myself. It seems that in blog land, to put yourself out there is one big ask. I suppose this is not new; all manner of writers have taken some heat. The critics will never give up. Keep on doing what you’re doing. I believe that you are a good person doing good, and that trumps all the naysayers.

  9. “One woman wrote that I was a black mark on the aged, who are not supposed to be argumentative and nasty. She thinks I should be sweeter. ”
    Ha! One doesn’t become a ‘Sweet little old lady’
    Or a ‘sweet old guy’ by getting old.

    Source: 30+years in Senior Care

  10. Oy vey… when you are from the Northeast… Brooklyn girl here I think people think one is more abrasive than one means to be… I have been told on more than one occasion that I am to sarcastic….. in the words of Rhett Butler… the dogs bark but the caravan moves on.

  11. Your critics didn’t have my grandmother who always said, “if you can’t say something good, shut your mouth.” Civility seems to be a lost art.

    1. When I taught Sunday School I called that the Gospel according to Thumper…from the movie Bambi…if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

      Of course many Southern women have that technique down pat….their silence speaks volumes!!!

  12. Donkeys vs donkey-critic who maybe hasn’t read the blog enough over several years to note seasonal changes in their zaftig physiques — which one’s the real ass?

  13. Hi Jon-
    Funny how people freak out about things they know nothing about. We get the “your horses are laying down they must be sick.” “Your cat is fat”. I have a fat horse. She’s proud of it. Would rather not lose it. Removes her fly mask and grazing muzzle during turnout. . I have a skinny one with cushings I’m fattening up for winter. That’s a job balancing this. Nobody really understands unless they have horses. And the ones who know horses and their various issues can be helpful – or bossy sometimes! I love your donkeys. I think yours are the sweetest I’ve ever met (at your open houses) Hope you are well.

    1. Thanks, Anne, as you know, the poor farmers are driven mad by so called animal rights activists who drive by farms looking for horses and cows who lie down to nap. They call the police and claim abuse. Lots of farmers around here try to hide their animals when they graze..When our donkey Simon died the vet was desperate to get his body out of sight of the road..Thanks for loving Lulu and Fanny they loved you too as I recall. Good to hear from you, Anne.

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