I’m excited to be working at the Mansion with Paryese Bates Becker (the above photo is of her).

She has a lot of new ideas about stimulating,  entertaining,  challenging, and occupying the residents of the Mansion. I’m very excited to be a part of this new way of thinking.

For years, the senior psychologists and social workers I’ve spoken with or studied a talk about new ways of stimulating people in elder care and encouraging them to take responsibility for the books they read, the art they make, and the activities they decide rather than have other people do it for them.

Many people have an awful image of elder care; they think of older people sitting around all day staring out the window. This was my mother’s fate, and it doesn’t need to be this way. It wasn’t this way at the Mansion, even before the changes.

I have noticed that too much direction promotes sluggishness and lethargy. Interactive projects and great resident-initiated work excite some but also turn off others. The residents at a place like the Mansion are not all the same.

Some are curious, some are tired, and some are exhausted or sick. There is no single thing that works for everyone.

A few years ago, I partnered with a North Carolina publisher specializing in books that the residents can keep and read by themselves.

This, they hoped, would stimulate more independent reading. In my case, it didn’t. They loved the books and the stories, but only one resident took them to her room with her.

But the idea is still stirring, and I’ve seen it work in other contexts. And it’s returning to the Mansion.

For some, there is a lethargy around activities other people plan for them and excited about actions they can plan and organize themselves. Again, everyone is different.

Next week, I’m trying to get a Men’s Group going with these new ideas in mind. The men keep asking me what I want the group to be. What I want, I respond, is for them to decide what the group ought to be and for me to then get out of the way as soon as possible and let them decide how to run it.

This is more challenging than it sounds. I haven’t seen many residents want to take up that responsibility; they have enough on their plates.

Activities at places like the Mansion are usually scheduled recreational events – storytelling, art, crafts, puzzles.

Paryese Bates-Becker, the new overall Activities Director for the Mansion – the primary residence and memory care – is sweeping through with new ideas for structuring and presenting activities, connecting to the outside world, and creating art.

There will be a full calendar of outdoor activities and more opportunities to be independent and try different things away from a group or director.

Paryese has re-done the activities room, modernized it, and introduced different ways of watching TV, planning activities, and creating a media center that will give the residents more freedom to access the internet and communicate with the outside world. This is a new approach to the Mansion, and perhaps eventually to Memory Care.

In Maria’s teaching, she encourages her art students to critique themselves, take the initiative, suggests project ideas, and self-edit. She also tells them how to make art on their own.

In my classes, I encourage my meditation students to share their thoughts about meditating, how they breathe, and how they deal with outside noise.

I want to hear their stories and how their meditations worked out, but I’m not there for them to follow mine. Some are creating new ways of meditation that work for them but are not widely taught.

I think that will be the most difficult part for the men in my group. This new territory for them. I sense some anxiety, and I have some of my own.

I think that’s great.

Paryese is open to getting the residents engaged. That was the whole idea of the new media center, an effort to connect the residents to the outside world. It’s exciting to be a part of this; I’ll share the experience of trying to start a men’s group.

Maria creates an atmosphere of encouragement. Try things, experiment, and own them. I try to do the same. Ellen is an artist, but she forgets she is an artist. She’s remembering now.