The goal of any serious portrait photographer is to capture the spirit and soul of the subject. I feel I accomplished that today with this portrait of Ellen, a resident of the Mansion’s Memory Care unit and a regular attendee of my meditation class, which was held this morning.

This charming face is filled with character, beauty, and dignity. It may be my favorite yet.

My Leica 2 took it, and I knew it was a success. Ellen is quick to smile, loves to see Zinnia, and remembers me, even if she can’t recall my name. She always asks to come when I’m there.

So was our meditation class. Seven people attended it – many residents were out seeing doctors today or shopping  –  I led some breathing exercises at first. Most of the people in the room are now meditating for at least a few minutes every day.

They all report it is calming and clarifying for them. I talked about acceptance and listening – the sounds from the street are as valuable as those in our heads.

I read Henri Nouwen’s essay on “How Time Heals.” Time does not heal, wrote Nouwen, if we forget the wounds inflicted on us and live on as if nothing happened.

“That is not healing, ” he wrote, “it is simply ignoring reality.”

“Time heals,” he wrote,  really means that faithfulness in a complicated relationship can lead us to a deeper understanding of how we have hurt each other, in which case there is much truth and true healing.

This passage resonates very powerfully with me. I told the residents I was good at remembering the wounds inflicted on me but slower to acknowledge how I have hurt others. Only then, I said, do I feel healed.

There were a lot of nodding heads. Then I read a passage on spirituality from Thomas Merton, and then we had a silent meditation for six minutes. I also played a short lesson on meditation from my Iphone.

We worked more on our breathing – deep breath, 123 in, hold to the count of 123, then 123 out.

After the meditation meeting, I met with Russell, the Mansion resident who has repeatedly asked if the Mansion could organize a men’s group.

The Mansion tried a year ago, he said, but the person leading the group was a female, and it quickly collapsed.

Russell said he was very eager to try again and was pleased that I was willing to head the group and help it get off the ground. I was ready to stay on, I said, or turn the leadership over to someone else; it was up to the group. I would come every week for as long as they wanted me to come. I wouldn’t quit and leave them in the lurch.

Zinnia would come along, she always keeps things light and easy. If anyone objected, they should say so.

 

Russell.

Russell asked me what my thoughts were, and I said my first thoughts were to gather with the men who wanted a men’s group and ask each of them what they wanted to achieve. I’ve helped him get a few things, and we have talked a number of times.

The thoughts of the group would matter, I said; I wasn’t here to tell other men what to want or feel. That’s not what they needed.

I’ve started three men’s groups in my lifetime, and they worked best when the men came to trust one another and speak openly about their desires, fears, and vulnerability. That takes a while if it happens at all.

That kind of trust and vulnerability is very difficult for many men to show, I said. Russell nodded.

I said I didn’t believe a woman could successfully lead a men’s group any more than a man could lead a women’s group. I said I intended to write about the group on my blog but not reveal the specific comments of any of the men attending or take photos without their permission, as always.

It was, I said, all about trust and honesty. If we didn’t feel safe, the group would collapse. If we hurt one another, it would fail even quicker.

Russell said he was happy with my answers and excited about trying to make this work. He asked me if I would agree to play some checkers. Not with the group, I said, but certainly outside of it. I didn’t think games were what we were looking for, at least at first.

He said he had already recruited three men to come and planned to speak to the others. I said a small group was a great way to start,  we could really get to know and trust one another. Three or four would be a great number to start with, I said.

I said I was serious about the groupo, and would hang in there as long as one or two men wanted to keep the group going. I wouldn’t disappear or bail out on them. I understood the importance of showing up.

He agreed, I sensed he wanted more activities aimed at men. That was important to hear.

I like Russell; he is honest and open. We talk quickly, and he has a pleasant manner about him.

He asked me about a name for the group, and I suggested waiting a bit and seeing what ideas popped up. For now, I said, how about we call it the Mansion Men’s Group. This, I said, could be a great thing for us to attempt, and perhaps it could be a role model for other men in elder.

The first meeting is next Tuesday, July 5,  at 3 p.m., at the big table in the New Activities Room.