The terrier people out there having fun taunting me seem to think I am no match for a willful, determined terrier, a strain known for never quitting or giving up.

They are all betting on Bud.

This got my ego stirring, as I am known for the same things.

As the newly elected leader of the Jon Katz Fan Club And Treat Society (I have a hunch the name may be changed soon), Bud and his posse have unionized and are making some demands.

They want more treats than twice a day and a greater say in decision-making about their lies, working and play schedules, sleeping conditions, and benefits.

Negotiations have not yet begun, but I am preparing my side of things. Do I have a chance against three sweet, much-loved working dogs?

I know Bud to be a force of nature. I don’t underestimate him.

When he is on the track of something, he stays with it for days, months, even years. Just two weeks ago, he swallowed a mole hole before we could get it out of his mouth.

He can get pretty disgusting, not to mention the gas eruptions for which Boston Terriers are famous.

(The union thugs, having a meeting.)

However, I’ve thought about it; I’m planning my response,  identifying the rabble-rousers’ Achilles heels and my bargaining strengths.

First, these dogs are among the most spoiled creatures on the earth. I can’t imagine what benefits they could ask for that they don’t already have.

They have so many perks I have a lot to bargain with.

They get treats twice a day (okay, three times some days); they are the healthiest, safest to digest, sugar-free treats.

They each have their dog beds, soft, large, and washed weekly. In the summer, they have air conditioning. In cold weather, wood stoves and baseboard heating.

They get all of their shots and the best available health care. They get their nails trimmed and their anal glands relieved.

On lovely days, they have their own large and long, shaded dog run.

I mean, what does he want? A chauffer-driven trek to the vet? College tuition?

I know Bud’s great weakness.

He loves to hunt, but he LOVES to eat his snacks. If he calls a strike, how does he plan to eat? Will Zinnia still expect her regular supply of marrow bones? Will Fate mind not running circles around the sheep for a while?

I’m not sure Zinnia can even conceive a life without bones to chew on, gourmet dog food to eat, and balls to chase in the pasture daily. What the humans giveth, the humans can taketh away.

She might even have to (gasp!) sleep on the floor instead of on our bed, cozily sandwiched between our legs on cold nights.

Things can get rough. I can be just as mean and willful as Bud.

How would Bud like to sleep on a cold wooden floor in the winter instead of a pillow-lined bed for his exclusive use? The Little King has his throne.

It wouldn’t be right to starve him, but I’m not obliged to stuff his plump little face with any treats. That would make him very unhappy.

Fate will be easy to break – no sheep until a deal is made. Zinnia will be easier. No trips to the swamp to roll in the mud. She’ll fold like an old reclining chair.

Next to food, he loves his exceptional, pillow-lined wicker sofa, all his. He loves to sleep cuddly up on my stomach or just between my knees when I nap.

He does not like to be cold. Those wood stoves can be turned off on chilly nights; the room will be warm enough for dogs but not enough for Bud.

But it must be tough, or he could never have survived being left outside to starve and die in a South Arkansas dog pen without a roof.

But can he survive new coddling, spoiling, and luxury life?

He has much more to lose, and I have so much more to negotiate over?

What does fighting for better working conditions mean if you are a dog union? More time off? Better benefits for dogs?”

I guess I’ll find out. I admit to being a little miffed over this, Bud is no longer the shy and cowering little guy we had to drag off a truck in Vermont. He now thinks he’s Ceaser Chavez.

When I worked as an executive order on TV, I was a ruthless and unyielding negotiator. My boss, who we all called “the velvet chiv” behind his  back, taught me to never bluff and fight hard.

I love and respect Bud, but I feel like Jeff Bezos or the owner of Starbucks. I don’t mind the selfish creatures unionizing, but they’ll have to fight for everything they get.