A woman named Susan has breathlessly revealed on my blog posts that I sometimes call Maria “My Girl.” She announced this like Woodward and Bernstein announcing Nixon’s ties to Watergate.
She said this term was sexist and disgusting. This all came during a quite spectacular and surprising row over my piece about our new and wonderful groomer, who was a farm girl growing up and learned to love animals. Life in America, 2020.com
That is how Susan described it all to me – sexist and “disgusting.” I am quite proud of the piece and am sorry to have changed a few words to delete the truth in response to what can best be called bullying.
I’m also sorry to say I’ve been arguing about it for much of the afternoon and that feels good. I feel like a less important version of Liz Cheney, fighting for free speech and truth. Sometimes, you just have to take the heat. I do a bad job of taking it easy.
I gave it some thought and decided Susan deserved a personal and honest response since she is being so honest with me and has outed me as a slobbery and domineering man who refers to his wife as “my girl” when he is expressing his love for her.
That is apparently not allowed in New America, where the social media thought police dictate what we should say and how we should think. I’m starting to believe the impossible: Elon Musk has a rational point.
I always considered myself a feminist, but perhaps it’s time to call myself something else since other people are calling me something else, and maybe the term is now meaning something else.
I see that women’s rights often have little to do with what people call feminism now. The nasty Republicans and the Nasty Progressives are fusing, and become two different versions of the same thing.
And I do have a message for Susan. It is short and to the point, and my apologies. This is a safe and peaceful place until it can’t be:
Dear Susan: “Fuck Off.” I think that says it succinctly and authentically.
See you all in the morning. My first thought was “go fuck yourself,” but Maria suggested saying “Fuck Off.” She is my girl and I love her.
And I will call her “My Girl” to the end unless she tells me otherwise. I’m returning to the Safe Space idea tomorrow, I haven’t forgotten it.
Nobody gets to tell me what to call my girl except my girl, Susan. Go away.
The blog about your groomer was one of my favorites until this blog moved up to number one. Your F-bomb was perfect. Because only three opinions matter, Maria’s, Kiley’s, and yours.
Exactly so Jon. This is what I was thinking of as I read the sexist comments and your update from the groomer post.
Good for you, Jon. I enjoyed that.
Cheers to you both ? they call celebrity couples power couples …. Jon you and Maria are a true power couple true love and honesty ?
Maybe I’m just OLD! I’ve always loved this song as a very special love song. MY GIRL
I agree, Teri. Great song!
I agree with you Jon. You seem to me kind,respectful and loving towards Maria. Far from a controlling, overbearing sexist man her comment implied. I found that comment offensive.
I enjoy both yours and Maria’s posts for many years and find your relationship inspiring.
Oh, Jon. Dear, dear man. You are such an extraordinary human being. I admire you from so many perspectives (I’m a psychotherapist, a journalist, a small farm owner, and environmental and political activist). It’s distressing when the haters trigger you into a defensive stance. Please refuse to engage. Your personal journey, the grace and love and generosity you lavish on your world, the profundity of your hard-earned wisdom, can never be negated by these disturbed people. I’m glad you’re able to fight back, but why waste your time?
Speaking as a reporter, I can’t believe how much well-thought-out copy you can crank out in one day, Jon, especially with everything else you have going on.
Continue to take good care of you and Maria, and I hope your health issues are quickly resolved.
With respect and affection,
Maureen
Thank you Maureen, I appreciate this very much. It means a lot.
That a boy!
BRAVO!!!!
Interesting Jon. I’m not going to tell you what you and Maria should call each other, after all my niece and her long term boyfriend, for whatever reason, call each other beastie. My issue is with the general use of the word girl in our culture for women. Women are adults, girls are female children. So, it bothers me when we talk about girls in the office, for example. I would like to be acknowledged as an adult in the general sphere as I am 71 and haven’t been a girl for a very long time. I don’t see using the word my in my girl in the context written about as negative; it’s the same as saying my family, my friend, my co-worker, or my wife.
Kathryn, you are absolutely correct about the use of the word girl in our society when applied to adult women. I never use that word to describe adult women, that is not an argument. The term “farm girl” has a very different connotation for young women who work on farms, and I see from an avalanche of mail last night that they feel it these attacks on the work have demeaned their pride. The issue is not about whether adult women should be called girls, but whether the many farm girls that use the term are sexist and demeaning themselves. That is both cruel and ignorant. I appreciate your message and your civility but you are preaching to the choir. I’ll write more about this this morning and thanks for your message.
Thank you, Jon. I do appreciate this. Please just delete the screamers and keep this a safe place.
I can’t resist in responding to this fantastic blog. Anger is a virtue! Fuck off
maybe divine words in disguise!
Justice…Justice ..Justice !!
Having fun still questioning !
Good for you. People are so quick to criticize without ever thinking, I think you put her in her place.
Good for you!! Your love for Maria is so evident …no matter what you call her!! Haha
I too lean left ‘progressive :-)’ but am about to say I don’t care anymore. Because ” The nasty Republicans and the Nasty Progressives are fusing, and become two different versions of the same thing.” and I am sick of not being far enough left on issue after issue. Folks that think they have the truth, have stopped thinking, and ram their 1/2 truth down anyone that doesn’t 100% agree with them is not going to work.
Jon, I appreciate you as a humanitarian, and as a gifted writer journaling your way thru your life and allowing others to share. I have observed you to be very insightful and intentionally inclusive.
No one likes to ‘yelled at’, or reminded their words might fall differently than intended. However,I think hearing and understanding how commonly used phrases can seep into the fabric of a society inadvertently, and insidiously affect the psyche of it’s people is a good exercise for us all.
As a middle aged female, I have heard these phrases all my life…”You’re a great girl”…well meaning, but would the 50 year old man saying that to another 50 year old woman feel complimented if said 50 year old woman replied, “Thanks, you’re a great boy!”?
My favorite example of these insidious, yet common phrases, is the high school football coach yelling at his team..”You guys are playing like a bunch of girls!” To be female is to accept our gender being frequently, often innocently, used as a pejorative, and we have been mostly shamed into gracefully accepting it as “just the way it is”….and if you make an attempt to quibble, than you’re an over sensitive feminist.
It sounds like Susan’s attempt to highlight everything I just wrote was clumsy, and maybe rude, but as a middle aged female, I get it, I understand why she felt the need to ‘sound off’.
I agree. And to yell Fuck Off at a woman whose comments offended you, is not the most mature way to respond. Civility works both ways.
January, that was my favorite post of the year, it felt great. Sorry, you don’t it, but honestly, not very…I never got so many thank yous in my writing life..I’m sure you know they’re are about 40 million blogs out there, I’m sure you can find one that makes you more comfortable..I’m just a dirty guy, I guess..
Keep on using these terms.. in this day and age where people and children ( my grandchildren included) have to “gender identify” themselves..it is ridiculous! I know this is not what your post is specifically about, but I think this generation has taken everything too far. There are schools in the US where they will no longer use the terms, “boy, girl, man, woman, husband, wife etc etc.” So call me old fashioned, If my husband wants to call me “his girl”..I will take it. It is not and should not be thought of as anti feminist, or sexist. In fact, I was dishing out dinner to our local senior group and one gentleman said it was nice to see some more “new girls” ( I was the new one), I got quite a charge out of that..I think I was the youngest at 66 years..lolol.
I wanted to thank you all for your comments, especially those that were thoughtful civil, and free of accusations and middle-school name-calling. I learned some things and have some things to think about, which is the point for me. I have other stuff I want to do and I don’t think we are adding new thoughts to the discussion anymore. I enjoyed it, honestly. Time to move along.
I’d rather my husband call me My Girl instead of My Old Lady (he has never called me either of those). Never liked any man call his girlfriend, wife or even his mother My Old Lady.
Whatever. Maria is a wonderful person and you are lucky to have her as your companion.
Very true, Don, very true..
If I wanted to hear a man bellow, “Fuck you!” to an otherwise unknown woman he happens to disagree with, I’d be on Twitter rather than your blog. This is a new low.
I totally agree. That response stoops pretty low.
I like it down there, sometimes I just can’t get low enough. But no need to huff and puff, nobody is forcing you to stay and read my awful words..
I’m okay with it Johnston, if you are offended, there are millions of blogs out there. Go find one that you are comfortable with and bless you as you go.